Robert Leach - How The Planets Rule The Superstars

[dem]

Robert Leach - How The Planets Rule The Superstars (Everest, 1975)

Blurb:

Why is JOHN LENNON a rebel? Why did JIMI HENDRIX destroy himself? Why are SLADE doomed to break up? Why are the BAY CITY ROLLERS such a good team? Why is MIA FARROW happier with ANDRE PREVIN than she was with FRANK SINATRA?

The best-kept secrets of the pop world are revealed by astrologer Robert Leach in this fascinating book which tells HOW THE PLANETS RULE THE SUPERSTARS


"Astrologer Robert Leach collects birthdays. He has more than 4,000 in a vast filing system at his London home. Among them is the horoscope of YOUR favourite superstar. In his new book he reveals how the lives of pop stars are ruled by the signs of the Zodiac. He tells: WHY The Bay City Rollers are such a good team; HOW Lulu's marriage broke up; WHERE Mary Hopkin's career went wrong; WHAT makes Jimmy Savile tick; WHEN Slade will split up — All the best-kept secrets of the pop world are revealed in this fascinating and sensational book."

Should we ever try for a 'Rivals of Criswell thread' it would likely begin and end with this EVEREST OCCULT title. Just as well I've completely dried up as no "review" of mine could do this one justice.

"Gary Glitter gets away with his act because the English bad taste is as extreme as its good taste. Taurus does not produce male sex symbols but Gary Glitter is a parody, a caricature, a grotesque crotch wobbler, a blubbering bull of a Rock 'n' Roll star. Teeny boppers sense this, that their virginity is safe from this father-figure, and he is, indeed, the very real stuff of pubic fantasies, teen dreams, and hot flushes. His hairy chest is symbolic, but to poor Gary himself it is as impotent as a soggy bathmat. No wonder he complains that the band get the chicks while he is hustled away. The lads get the nude judes and all Gary gets are requests for nude pictures of himself.

In 1972 the critics were justifiably damning of the Gary Glitter act, for its Taurus-inspired Wimpy-bar anthems, so lacking in taste and style. He was an ageing loser. Only Mike Leander's skill has kept Gary at the top, plus the incredible fact that his wow-wow, swollen middle-age paunch is the Rock 'n' Roll answer to the skinny under-developed rib-boxed Pop Stars who are rapidly becoming the new aristocracy with their multi-millionaire ratings.

The kids loved his fat belly, especially at The Rainbow, where the pre-pubic teenies and the refugees from Clockwork Orange really found a symbol as banal as their own mentality.
How extraordinarily Taurean of him when he mentions that, so far, he hasn't met a girl who could cook better than he can! At Christmas there is nothing Gary likes more than to invite the family down and HE cooks the turkey, or goose."

"Just as Lulu and Petula Clark are always on the move while performing, burning up Scorpion energy, so is Roy Wood, but he was, perhaps, most Scorpion with his music when with The Move, producing some fine Lulu-type rock music ... so perhaps his next venture could exclude, to his future benefit, the comic colours. He must utilise his Scorpio sense of good taste if he is to survive. ... some restraint is needed under any Zodiac Sign, and for Scorpio it has to be quality before quantity ... good taste, not weird freak effects. His friend, Lynsey de Paul (Gemini) could well give him some good advice here. Gemini is quite compatible with Scorpio. He could even revert to his old habit of having a game of football on a Sunday... bit of exercise... Petula skis nearly everyday... keeps you fit!

They say he spends £1.50 a week on make-up, possibly Danny la Rue is the only Showbiz male to beat this. But Danny's worth looking at!"

"To appreciate how the influences of Aquarius have acted upon ALICE COOPER, born 4th February 1948, we must get right down to first principles. His real name is Vince Furnier, son of a preacher, and today Alice is the super ghoul of Pop, seemingly transvestite, pervert, necrophiliac, grotesque graven image, depraved schizophrenic, freak. But, only professionally. Once Uranus has had its on-stage cesspit of a rough house, Saturn takes over and the colourful frenzy of beauty on the one hand or the divine beauty on the other can be seen in the Aquarius likes of Zsa Zsa Gabor or Dali."

"Dave Bowie and Angie have developed simultaneous orange-gold hair styles and Angie in slim black halter dress and Dave with eye patch and toreador outfit, take uni-sex beyond even the ultimate ... In 1971, Space Oddity set Dave on the road where an American critic called him an intellectually brilliant man at the very time that Earl Blackwell was listing Dave Bowie as one of the world's worst dressed women.

Trust Dave Bowie to have a publicity agent called Cherry Vanilla. But, why not? Opera had its Peach Melba."

"Welsh Mary Hopkin, child of Taurus, born the same week as American Rick Nelson, joined him in selling an initial three million records... and then the slow but sure stolid Taurus influence pulled them back, so they never achieved their full potential...

Those were the days, my friend...

How about a Taurean-prone change of name, say, Dizzie Lizzie, or May Bee?"

#RockonwithEverest #Glam #DavidBowie #Slade #Rollermaniacs #Wizzard #Gilbert_O #MaryHopkin #AliceCooper #G*ryGl*tter #DannyLaRue

[helrunar]

That's hilarious (Gary Glitter, Cilla, Alice Cooper) and sick-making (Jimmy Savile??? yikes).

Tripe like this is why most sensible people don't take astrology seriously, but all this is like a parody of learned astrology. Still, it seems quite entertaining. As an American, I've never had the slightest clue about Gary Glitter--I think I first started seeing references back in the late 1980s when I first saw a UK Dr Who mag.

Thanks, Dem, for the funny quotes and great scans!

cheers, Hel.

[andydecker]

Sept 6, 2024 8:54:17 GMT dem said:

"Just as Lulu and Petula Clark are always on the move while performing, burning up Scorpion energy, so is Roy Wood, but he was, perhaps, most Scorpion with his music when with The Move, producing some fine Lulu-type rock music ... so perhaps his next venture could exclude, to his future benefit, the comic colours. He must utilise his Scorpio sense of good taste if he is to survive. ... some restraint is needed under any Zodiac Sign, and for Scorpio it has to be quality before quantity ... good taste, not weird freak effects. His friend, Lynsey de Paul (Gemini) could well give him some good advice here. Gemini is quite compatible with Scorpio. He could even revert to his old habit of having a game of football on a Sunday... bit of exercise... Petula skis nearly everyday... keeps you fit!

Holy sh*t, now that is a name I havn't heard in a long time. Roy Wood of Wizzard. A long, long time ago I was a short time facinated by Roy Wood and Wizzard, back when they had a hit. At 12 I didn't knew anything about the man, that he once belonged to ELO and so on. But then he seemed to vanish without a trace - at least as mainstream pop was sold here in Germany - and there were other things to discover.

[Jojo Lapin X]

Sept 6, 2024 13:22:42 GMT andydecker said:

Sept 6, 2024 8:54:17 GMT dem said:

Holy sh*t, now that is a name I havn't heard in a long time. Roy Wood of Wizzard. A long, long time ago I was a short time facinated by Roy Wood and Wizzard, back when they had a hit. At 12 I didn't knew anything about the man, that he once belonged to ELO and so on. But then he seemed to vanish without a trace - at least as mainstream pop was sold here in Germany - and there were other things to discover.

This is still fantastic:

[pulphack]

Ahem... I return to present my 'lame to fame' story...

Back in the early 2000s, when they were just crawling their way back up to classic status, Cheap Trick did three nights at the Garage in London, doing their first three albums. I went on the third night, guest-listed by staff as my mate's then-girlfriend ran the bar (many nights ended with an optics run, a strange grey drink, and no memory of the trip home. Give her a tenner and she gave you ten in change. Thank you Annette wherever you are now). Anyway, the third album has a cover of the Move's 'California Man', and who should turn up to jam on it but Roy Wood himself. After the encores, he appeared at the bar, and Rob and self keyed ourselves up to ask him questions about the Move and tell him he's a pop genius. Then he decided to try and pay for a round with a £50 note, being told soundly by Annette that she wasn't accepting that, and if he didn't have change he could piss off so she could serve someone else... Open mouthed we watched him go, then said to her 'But that's Roy Wood!' to which she replied 'I don't care who he feckin' is, no fecker pays with a fifty at my bar.' (So, maybe not thank you Annette, then).

Wood is amazing - the Move were brilliant, 'Blackberry Way' being the best single the Beatles didn't write. His two 70s solo albums 'Mustard' and 'Boulders' are classics of their kind. He still does some gigs, records occasionally, but doesn't need the money, doesn't like the games, and prefers to go his own way. Wizzard and ELO just reiterate his greatness (post-Wood, ELO's success just show how astute he was to persuade Jeff Lynne to leave the Idle Race who were going nowhere).

Still not reading genre fiction - not reading much at the moment, to be honest, so it may be some time until I check in again, but I still read the Vault and am glad its here. Hello, chums, and goodbye for now.