Northanger Abbey (The Austen Project #2) by Val McDermid

[𝘗rincess 𝘵uvstarr]

When I was looking at the Northanger Abbey wiki entry I saw this:

HarperCollins hired Scottish crime writer Val McDermid in 2012 to adapt Northanger Abbey for a modern audience, as a suspenseful teen thriller, the second rewrite in The Austen Project.[68][69] McDermid said of the project, "At its heart it’s a teen novel, and a satire – that’s something which fits really well with contemporary fiction. And you can really feel a shiver of fear moving through it. I will be keeping the suspense – I know how to keep the reader on the edge of their seat. I think Jane Austen builds suspense well in a couple of places, but she squanders it, and she gets to the endgame too quickly. So I will be working on those things." The novel was published in 2014.

Isn't it awful.
Not only the idea of re-imagining the book, as if contemporary teenagers can't understand Jane Austen, who is one of the most readable of authors, but to have the arrogance as a writer to think you can improve on her.

The finished book sounds dreadful too:

www.theguardian.com/books/2014/apr/06/northanger-abbey-reworked-val-mcdermid

It is an utterly pointless exercise in my opinion and a gimmick; you can write a book influenced, or even based on it, but why bother with a reworking, as you constrain yourself in what you can do. And why on Earth choose a crime writer to do it?

[𝘗rincess 𝘵uvstarr]

It's supposed to be a contemporary teen book, but it is written in a ridiculous Jane Austen pastiche style:


It was a source of constant disappointment to Catherine Morland that her life did

not more closely resemble her books. Or rather, that the books in which she found

its likeness were so unexciting. Plenty of novels were set in small country villages

and towns like the Dorset hamlet where she lived. Admittedly, they didn’t all have

such ridiculous names as the ones in the Piddle Valley where her father’s group of

parishes was centred. It would have been hard to make credible a romantic fiction

set in Farleigh Piddle, Middle Piddle, Nether Piddle and Piddle Dummer. But in

every other respect, books about country life were just like home, only duller, if that

were possible. The books that made her heart beat faster were never set anywhere

she had ever been.

Cat, as she preferred to be known – on the basis that nobody should emerge

from their teens with the name their parents had chosen – had been disappointed

by her life for as long as she could remember. Her family were, in her eyes, deeply

average and desperately dull. Her father ministered to five Church of England

parishes with good-natured charm and a gift for sermons that were not quite

entertaining but not quite boring either. Her mother had given up primary school

teaching for the unpaid job of vicar’s wife, which she accomplished with few com-

plaints and enough imagination to leaven its potential for dreariness. If she’d had

an annual performance review, it would have read, ‘Annie Morland is a cheerful

and hard-working team member who treats problems as challenges. Her hens are,

for the third year in a row, the best layers in the Piddle Valley.’ Her parents seldom

argued, never fought. Between the two of them, there wasn’t a single dark secret.

[𝘗rincess 𝘵uvstarr]

I declare this book to be an insult to literature, and therefore one of the worst books ever written, because of what it represents, a repudiation of what it is to be a writer, Val McDermid, who writes crime novels has committed a crime, I therefore award it

NO STARS.

I also place it on the Vault's  Index Librorum Prohibitorum.

[𝘗rincess 𝘵uvstarr]

What books are so bad that you would put them on the  Index Librorum Prohibitorum?
Share with us your choices below.

[helrunar]

My Dear,

Being an elderly gentleman of retiring habits, I am unable to keep pace with the youthful ebullience and high spirits you so often express in these pages. But bully for you, my child, for carrying forward the flame of literary pursuit and research in these dismal times.

I hope you never have the misfortune to stumble upon a volume bearing the title Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. If you think the effusion you mention was rudely derivative and offensive, I shudder to think what your physical, moral and emotive reaction might be to the oeuvre of Seth Grahame-Smith. I am afraid medical attention might be called for.

Of course Grahame-Smith is from the Colonies--a savage assault upon our classics and standards is only to be expected.

Regards, Helrunar

[𝘗rincess 𝘵uvstarr]

Dec 18, 2021 16:50:05 GMT helrunar said:

My Dear,

Being an elderly gentleman of retiring habits, I am unable to keep pace with the youthful ebullience and high spirits you so often express in these pages. But bully for you, my child, for carrying forward the flame of literary pursuit and research in these dismal times.

I hope you never have the misfortune to stumble upon a volume bearing the title Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. If you think the effusion you mention was rudely derivative and offensive, I shudder to think what your physical, moral and emotive reaction might be to the oeuvre of Seth Grahame-Smith. I am afraid medical attention might be called for.

Of course Grahame-Smith is from the Colonies--a savage assault upon our classics and standards is only to be expected.

Regards, Helrunar

www.theguardian.com/books/2014/apr/06/northanger-abbey-reworked-val-mcdermid

[𝘗rincess 𝘵uvstarr]

These are English language books prohibited by the Vatican. Interestingly I don't see Charles Darwin, though I did spot Erasmus Darwin.

Title Author Country Period of censorship Type of censorship

1 (made by Pope Clement VIII archpriest of England), his answers upon sundry his examinations, together with a large examination taken at Lambeth of mr. George Blackwell, together with the cardinal's letter and mr. Blackwell's answer unto it Blackwell Holy See 1610 Banned

2 - An exposition of liturgy, or A book of common prayers and administration of sacraments with other rites and ceremonies of the church for the use of all christians in the united kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland Gandolphy, Peter Holy See 1818 Banned

3 A catechism for those that are more advanced in years and knowledge, 1724 - Holy See 1734 Banned

4 A defence of natural and revealed religion, being an abridgement of the sermons preached at the lecture founded by Rob. Boyle Buonafede, Appiano Holy See 1746 Banned

5 A defence of the ancient faith in four volumes, or A full exposition of the christian religion in a series of controversial sermons Gandolphy, Peter Holy See 1818 Banned

6 A discourse of free-thinking, occasion'd by the rise and growth of a sect call'd free-thinkers Collins, Anthony Holy See 1715 Banned

7 A letter from Rome showing an exact conformity between popery and paganism, or The religion of the present Romanas derived from that of their heathen ancestors Middleton, Conyers Holy See 1755 Banned

8 A narrative of iniquities and barbarities practised at Rome in the 19th century Ciocci, Raffaele Holy See 1845 Banned

9 A new-year's gift, or An explanation of the oath of allegiance Preston, Thomas Holy See 1620 Banned

10 A pilgrimage to Rome Seymour, Michael Hobert Holy See 1851 Banned

11 A seasonable discourse shewing how that the oaths of allegiance and supremacy contain nothing which any good christian ought to boggle at W. B. Holy See 1679 Banned

12 A sentimental journey through France and Italy Yorick Holy See 1819 Banned

13 A view of all the regions in the world Ross, Alexander Holy See 1675 Banned

14 Alciphron, or The minute philosopher Berkeley, George Holy See 1742 Banned

15 An abridged history of England from the invasion of Julius Caesar to the death of George II Goldsmith, Oliver Holy See 1823 Banned

16 An account of the growth of popery and arbitrary government in England Marvell, Andrew Holy See 1730 Banned

17 An account of the state of the roman-catholic religion throughout the world, written for the use of Innocent XI, now first translated from an authentic italian MS. with a large dedication to the present pope Cerri, Urbano Holy See 1719 Banned

18 An essay concerning humane understanding Locke, John Holy See 1734 Banned

19 An exposition of the Creed Pearsonius, Ioannes Holy See 1707 Banned

20 An inquiry into the nature and place of hell Swinden, Tobias Holy See 1743 Banned

21 Angliae notitia, or The present state of England Chamberlayne, Edward Holy See 1733 Banned

22 Annotations upon all the New Testament Leigh, Edward Holy See 1735 Banned

23 Anti-Pamela, or Feign'd innocence detected, in a series of Syrena's adventures; a narrative which has really its foundation in truth and nature - Holy See 1774 Banned

24 Autobiography and life of George Tyrrell Petre, Maude D. Holy See 1913 Banned

25 Book of common prayer - Holy See 1714 Banned

26 Catechism, or Abridgement of christian doctrine, 1725 - Holy See 1734 Banned

27 Christendom`s divisions, being a philosophical sketch of the divisions of the christian family in east and west Ffoulkes, Edmund Salusbury Holy See 1868 Banned

28 Civil and Canonical Law Calvin, John [1509-1564] France, Holy See, United Kingdom 1542, 1555

1559, 1564 Banned

29 Connection of the Old and the New Testament in the history of the Jews and neighbouring nations from the declension of the kingdoms of Israel and Judah to the time of Christ Prideaux, Humphrey Holy See 1729 Banned

30 Cosmographie in four books containing the chorographie and history of the whole world Heylyn, Peter Holy See 1725 Banned

31 Defense of his discourses on the miracles of our Saviour against the bishops of st. David's and London and his other adversaries Woolston, Thomas Holy See 1767 Banned

32 Deontology, or The science of morality Bentham, Jeremie Holy See 1835 Banned

33 Discovery of a new world, or A discourse tending to prove that'tis probabel there may be another habitable world in the moon, with a discourse concerning the possibility of a passage thither Wilkins, John Holy See 1701 Banned

34 Elements of logic Whately, Richard Holy See 1851 Banned

35 Europae speculum, or A view or survey of the state of religion in the western part of the world Sandys, Edwin Holy See 1626 Banned

36 Free thoughts on religion, the church and national happiness Mandeville, Bernard de Holy See 1732 Banned

37 General instructions by way of cathecism, in which the history and tenets of religion are briefly explained by holy Scripture and tradition - Holy See 1725 Banned

38 Happiness in Hell Mirvart, St. George Holy See 1893 Banned

39 Hippolytus and his age, or The doctrine and practice of the church of Rome under Commodus and Alexander Severus and ancient and modern christianity and divinity compared Bunsen, Christian Charles Josias Holy See 1853 Banned

40 Historical analysis of christian civilization Vericour, L. R. Holy See 1850 Banned

41 History of his own times Burnet, Gilbert Holy See 1731 Banned

42 History of the apostles' creed King, Peter Holy See 1709 Banned

43 History of the conflicts between religion and science Draper, John William Holy See 1876 Banned

44 History of the progress and suppression of the reformation in Italy in the sixteenth century Mac Crie, Thomas Holy See 1836 Banned

45 Instructions and prayers for children with a catechism for young children - Holy See 1734 Banned

46 Italy Morgan, Lady Sydney Holy See 1822 Banned

47 Justine or the Misfortunes of Virtue Sade, D.A.F., Marquis de (1740-1814) Holy See, France, United States, United Kingdom 1791-1962 Banned

48 L'homme du pape et du roy, ou Reparties veritables sur les imputations calomnieuses d'un libelle diffamatoire seme contre sa saintete et contre sa majeste tres-chretienne Courteguerre, Romule Holy See 1669 Banned

49 Lectures on the insufficiency of unrevealed religon and on the succeeding influence of christianity, delivered in the english chapel at Rome Burgess, Richard Holy See 1833 Banned

50 Letters to his holiness pope Pius X Modernist, a Holy See 1912 Banned

51 Monks and their decline Zurcher, Georges Holy See 1898 Banned

52 Much may be said on both sides Cleitron, R. Holy See 1736 Banned

53 Myth, ritual and religion Lang, Andrew Holy See 1896 Banned

54 Of the high veneration man's intellect owes to God Boyle, Robert Holy See 1695 Banned

55 Of the seraphic love or motives and incentives to the love of God Boyle, Robert Holy See 1695 Banned

56 Origines ecclesiasticae, or The antiquites of the christian church Bingham, Joseph Holy See 1733 Banned

57 Pamela, or Virtue rewarded Richardson, Samuel Holy See 1744 Banned

58 Paradise Lost Milton, John [1608-1674] Holy See 1758 Banned

59 Political history of the devil, as well ancient as modern Defoe, Daniel Holy See 1743 Banned

60 Practical christianity, or An account of the holiness which the gospel enjoins Lucas, Richard Holy See 1743 Banned

61 Practice of piety Bayly, Lewis Holy See 1772 Banned

62 Principles and connexion of natural and revealed religion Sykes, Arthur Ashley Holy See 1744 Banned

63 Principles of political economy with some of their applications to social philosophy Mill, John Stuart Holy See 1856 Banned

64 Relation of the proceedings against Henry Garnet, a jesuite, and his confederates - Holy See 1608 Banned

65 Religio medici Browne, Thomas Holy See 1645 Banned

66 Remarks on several parts of Italy Addison, Ioseph Holy See 1729 Banned

67 Remarks upon an alte discourse of free-thinking in a letter to F.H.D.D. Phileleutherus, Lipsiensis Holy See 1740 Banned

68 Remarks upon the book of Edmond Burk doctor of divinity Philalethes Holy See 1730 Banned

69 Rome in the nineteenth century Waldie, Charlotte Ann Holy See 1826 Banned

70 Sermons preached upon several occasions Sherlock, William Holy See 1735 Banned

71 Six discourses on the miracles of our Saviour Woolston, Thomas Holy See 1767 Banned

72 Some considerations touching the style of the holy scriptures Boyle, Robert Holy See 1695 Banned

73 State Papers Milton, John [1608-1674] Holy See 1694 Banned

74 Steps towards reunion Duggan, James Holy See 1725 Banned

75 The art of curing diseases by expectation Harvey, Gideon Holy See 1701 Banned

76 The catechist catechized, or Loyalty asserted in vindication of the oath of allegiance against a new catechisme set forth by a father of the society of Jesus Brontius, Adolphus Holy See 1682 Banned

77 The catholic christian new universal manual - Holy See 1770 Banned

78 The Christ-founded order of the secular priesthood Smyth-Vaudry, Telesphor Holy See 1909 Banned

79 The church`s creed or the crown`s creed? Ffoulkes, Edmund Salusbury Holy See -1946 Banned

80 The condemnation of pope Honorius Renouf, Peter Le Page Holy See 1868 Banned

81 The constitutional history of England from the accession of Henry VII to the death of George II Hallam, Henry Holy See 1833 Banned

82 The fable of the bees, or Private vices publick benefits Mandeville, Bernard de Holy See 1744 Banned

83 The forty days, or Christ between his resurrection and ascension Earle, John Charles Holy See 1878 Banned

84 The history of the decline and fall of the roman empire Gibbon, Edward Holy See 1783 Banned

85 The history of the reformation of the church of England Burnet, Gilbert Holy See 1688-1692 Banned

86 The history of the reign of the emperor Charles V Robertson, William Holy See 1777 Banned

87 The Latin church in the Middle-Age Lagarde, Andre Holy See 1930 Banned

88 The life and pontificate of Leo the tenth Roscoe, William Holy See 1825 Banned

89 The life of the Devil Coulange, Louis Holy See 1930 Banned

90 The lives of pope Alexander VI and his son Caesar Borgia, comprehending the wars in the reigns of Charles VIII and Lewis XII, kings of France, and the chief transactions and revolutions in Italy, from 1492 to 1506, with an appendix of original pieces Gordon, Alexander Holy See 1733 Banned

91 The mischellanous works Osborne, Francis Holy See 1736 Banned

92 The present state of the greek and armenian churches Rycaut, Paul Holy See 1731 Banned

93 The priest - Holy See 1912 Banned

94 The reasonableness of christianity as delivered in the Scriptures Locke, John Holy See 1737 Banned

95 The spiritual body Earle, John Charles Holy See 1878 Banned

96 The true intellectual system of the universe, wherein the reason and philosophy of atheism is confuted Cudworth, Ralph Holy See 1739 Banned

97 Theological essays Maurice, Frederick Denison Holy See 1854 Banned

98 Three acts relative to spanish and portuguese affairs Bentham, Jeremie Holy See 1826 Banned

99 Three Letters concerning the state of Italy - Holy See 1690-1692 Banned

100 Treatsie on the physical cause of the death of Christ Stroud, William Holy See 1878 Banned

101 Usury explained, or Conscience quieted in the case of putting out money at interest Philopenes Holy See 1703 Banned

102 Vestiges of ancient manners and customs discoverable in modern Italy and Sicily Blunt, John James Holy See 1827 Banned

103 View of the state of Europe during the middle ages Hallam, Henry Holy See 1833 Banned

104 Zoonomia or The laws of organic life Darwin, Erasmus Holy See 1817 Banned

[Dr Strange]

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is a "mash-up" - most of the text (I read somewhere about 85%) is Austen's, with the zombie stuff blended into the story. I haven't read it, but it seems to have gone down pretty well with a lot of people who have. I don't think it is meant to be taken seriously, but as a satire on a satire - I suspect that Grahame-Smith was as surprised as anyone else that it took off in the way that it did.

[𝘗rincess 𝘵uvstarr]

Ken Shinn I found the Peterborough Index of Banned Books. There are two there, as they aren't sure which is about Peterborough, but as soon as they find out they will amend it. However that may take a while, as obviously they are banned, so no one in Peterborough can read them.

Title Author Country Period of censorship Type of censorship

1 Underground Resistance Shinn, Ken 2021 Peterborough Banned

2 The Pernicious Plot of Professor Pelham Shinn, Ken 2021 Peterborough Banned

[dem bones]

Dec 18, 2021 17:52:37 GMT Dr Strange said:

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is a "mash-up" - most of the text (I read somewhere about 85%) is Austen's, with the zombie stuff blended into the story. I haven't read it, but it seems to have gone down pretty well with a lot of people who have. I don't think it is meant to be taken seriously, but as a satire on a satire - I suspect that Grahame-Smith was as surprised as anyone else that it took off in the way that it did.

It was a charity shop fixture around here for a while, gave the various Fifty Shades a run for a while. I got the graphic novel from same outlet for 50p. Couldn't get on with either, or the film. Constable & Robinson (RIP) sent a review copy of Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter, but I eventually passed it on unread. Fifty Shades of Mr. Darcy was fun, and I'd likely give Jane Erotica a go if it came my way.

The Val McDermid Northanger Abbey adaptation does not strike me as a book I'd want to read at all.

[𝘗rincess 𝘵uvstarr]

Dec 18, 2021 18:45:49 GMT dem bones said:

Dec 18, 2021 17:52:37 GMT Dr Strange said:

The Val McDermid Northanger Abbey adaptation does not strike me as a book I'd want to read at all.

Maybe she did a more up to date list of horrid novels, a bit like this:


"Dear creature! How much I am obliged to you; and when you have finished
Udolpho, we will read the Italian together; and I have made out a list of ten or
twelve more of the same kind for you."
"Have you, indeed! How glad I am! What are they all?"
"I will read you their names directly; here they are, in my pocketbook. The  Rats, Slugs, The Sucking Pit, The Spiders,
Day of the Mad Dogs, The Nest, and The Hood. Those will last us some
time."
"Yes, pretty well; but are they all horrid, are you sure they are all horrid?"
"Yes, quite sure; for a particular friend of mine, a Miss Andrews, a sweet girl,
one of the sweetest creatures in the world, has read every one of them. I wish you
knew Miss Andrews, you would be delighted with her.


I had trouble picking them, and did it kind of at random. Perhaps you have better suggestions?
What horrid novels should appear in an updated Northanger Abbey?

[Dr Strange]

Dec 18, 2021 18:45:49 GMT dem bones said:

It was a charity shop fixture around here for a while, gave the various Fifty Shades a run for a while.

Same up here. I guess that says something about the numbers sold. I never fancied giving it a go though - not a fan of Austen (to be fair, never read any) or zombies (the least interesting monsters, I think).

[dem bones]

Dec 18, 2021 19:04:36 GMT 𝘗rincess 𝘵uvstarr said:

Dec 18, 2021 18:45:49 GMT dem bones said:

The Val McDermid Northanger Abbey adaptation does not strike me as a book I'd want to read at all.

Maybe she did a more up to date list of horrid novels, a bit like this:


"Dear creature! How much I am obliged to you; and when you have finished
Udolpho, we will read the Italian together; and I have made out a list of ten or
twelve more of the same kind for you."
"Have you, indeed! How glad I am! What are they all?"
"I will read you their names directly; here they are, in my pocketbook. The  Rats, Slugs, The Sucking Pit, The Spiders,
Day of the Mad Dogs, The Nest, and The Hood. Those will last us some
time."

I've not read The Hood, but the rest are v. recommended.

An alternative selection. Eat Them Alive, Blight, Pestilence, Night Killers, Plague Pit, Worms and, for variations sake Dracula and the Virgins of the Undead. Get through them and you can survive anything the genre can throw up over you.

[dem bones]

Dec 18, 2021 19:27:03 GMT Dr Strange said:

Dec 18, 2021 18:45:49 GMT dem bones said:

It was a charity shop fixture around here for a while, gave the various Fifty Shades a run for a while.

Same up here. I guess that says something about the numbers sold. I never fancied giving it a go though - not a fan of Austen (to be fair, never read any) or zombies (the least interesting monsters, I think).

Another charity shop regular - at least for a while - was Dacre Stoker's The Undead or whatever that official "official sequel" to Dracula was called (as opposed to earlier "official sequels" that weren't). Another Novel I couldn't get into.

[𝘗rincess 𝘵uvstarr]

"Dear creature! How much I am obliged to you; and when you have finished
Udolpho, we will read the Italian together; and I have made out a list of ten or
twelve more of the same kind for you."
"Have you, indeed! How glad I am! What are they all?"
"I will read you their names directly; here they are, in my pocketbook. Confessions of a Window Cleaner, Confessions of a Driving Instructor, Confessions From a Nudist Colony, Confessions of a Plumber's Mate, Confessions of a Travelling Salesman, Confessions of a Film Extra, and Confessions From a Haunted House. Those will last us some time."
"Yes, pretty well; but are they all horrid, are you sure they are all horrid?"
"Yes, quite sure; for a particular friend of mine, a Miss Andrews, a sweet girl,
one of the sweetest creatures in the world, has read every one of them. I wish you
knew Miss Andrews, you would be delighted with her.

I'm no expert, so you may feel that this selection could be improved. Please suggest alternatives if you feel I have left out the cream of these.