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Post by dem bones on Jan 16, 2014 8:41:16 GMT
William Codpiece Thwackery - Fifty Shades of Mr Darcy (Michael O'Mara, 2012) Cover photograph iStockphoto Blurb: Fifty Shades of Mr Darcy unlaces the stays of literature itself, in a breathtakingly funny parody of the best-selling 'romance' that's getting everyone hot under the collar.
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good riding crop must be in want of a pair of bare buttocks to thrash."
At least, that was how it seemed to Elizabeth Bennet. Tied to the bedpost in Darcys chamber, her stays unlaced and her drawers in a state of disarray, trembling in anticipation of the first touch of leather upon her unblemished skin, she pondered upon the circumstances that had brought her to this most indecorous pass.
Whatever would Lady Catherine say?Bookaholism is a terrible thing. E. L. James' Fifty Shades novels have become a local charity shop fixture, but have never yet been arsed to pull one down off the shelves, so only some kind of post-Christmas seizure can explain my compulsive purchase of above. To date, my track record with these literary mash-ups is v. poor, i.e.; Pride & Prejudice & Zombies. Looked at pictures, read first two pages, forgot it existed. Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter. Didn't get past blurb. Fifty Shades of Mr Darcy. Decided me to make a start on Karren Brady's United! .....
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Post by ripper on Jan 22, 2014 14:06:50 GMT
I've as yet steered well clear of the "Fifty Shades of..." books and I can't imagine ever seeking them out. I don't mind the odd parody, though, and this one sounds very odd indeed. My dilemma is if I buy one of these parodies, would I first have to read one of the "Fifty Shades of..." books to see what's being parodied :-).
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Post by dem bones on Jan 22, 2014 22:46:46 GMT
I've as yet steered well clear of the "Fifty Shades of..." books and I can't imagine ever seeking them out. I don't mind the odd parody, though, and this one sounds very odd indeed. My dilemma is if I buy one of these parodies, would I first have to read one of the "Fifty Shades of..." books to see what's being parodied :-). They are supposed to stand up as novels in their own right, rip, so I doubt it makes much difference whether you're familiar with Fifty Shades or Jane Eyre, come to that. Can't seem to work up any enthusiasm for these lit. mash-up things at all. They come across as, ... I dunno, too pleased with themselves? Mind you, if/ when I eventually get around to tackling one of the bastards, will probably decide it is a "masterpiece" like everything else I read.
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Post by pulphack on Jan 23, 2014 6:22:52 GMT
Or even Pride And Prejudice, where Mr Darcy actually appears... Sorry, that's being picky, really. But your point is still true - usually, if these books are any good in their own right (and some are), then you don't need to know the sources as the jokes should be good enough.
In my defence, I've never read Jane Eyre, but I did see the film with Orson Welles before the dessert trolley. And I really love Rebecca, which is basically what they'd call a 'reimagining' these days.
I have read Pride... though, and some other Jane Austen... sorry. I'll read Etienne St Aubin every day for a month as atonement (shit, read Atonement, too... hated it, though!).
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Post by dem bones on Jan 23, 2014 22:50:26 GMT
Or even Pride And Prejudice, where Mr Darcy actually appears... As a cruel and unusual penance for above grotesque faux pas, I temporarily relegated Psycho Mania! to the back burner and took the plunge with the trials of Miss Elizabeth Bennet. So far (p.64 of 191), so Carry On Pride & Punishment/ Confessions of a Gothic Heroine. Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy, our anti-hero, is a tragic character whose predilection for riding crop, nipple-clamp, XXL butt-plug and round the clock rogering are a direct consequence of his schooling; "In the English Public School annual league table, Beaton came top every year in flogging, fagging, ruggering and buggering." His entrenched aversion to marriage can be blamed upon his godmother, Lady Catherine de Burgh. Ever since her late husband, Lord Chris, enjoyed a fling with their children's Governess, Lady Catherine has mocked the very concept of true love, and reinvented herself as the dominatrix in red leather. Other main players include Phil Collins, desperately seeking a fifth Mrs. C. for short-term marriage, acrimonious and costly divorce. Against the odds, he winds up with Lady Charlotte, who has a face like a King Edward potato and a figure to match, but more than makes up for it with her insatiable sexual appetite. She's an Easy Lover. As to plot, it sticks fairly rigidly to that of Pride & Prejudice with added bondage and double entendres ("I have frequently heard from Lady Lucas that Mr. Bingley's balls are legendary."). To date, sweet and innocent Elizabeth has resisted Mr. Darcy's advances, but débutantes up and down the land haven't christened him "Bang Me" for nothing. Can she persuade him to hang up his S&M accoutrements and settle for the nice, boring, MARRIED missionary position alternative? Anything else you wanna know about lit mash-ups, don't hesitate to ask.
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Post by dem bones on Jan 24, 2014 9:39:56 GMT
Here's another of the better known titles. I'm not sure if Pride & Prejudice & Zombies was the first, but Seth Grahame-Smith's name is synonymous with the mash up, and his Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter was adapted for the big screen. You are right. I have no plans to read it in the foreseeable. Jane Austen & Seth Grahame-Smith - Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (Quirk, 2009) Blurb: "It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains. "
So begins Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, an expanded edition of the beloved Jane Austen novel featuring all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie mayhem. As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton — and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but she's soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring between the two young lovers and even more, violent sparring on the blood-soaked battlefield. Can Elizabeth vanquish the spawn of Satan? And overcome the social prejudices of the class-conscious landed gentry? Complete with romance, heartbreak, swordfights, cannibalism, and thousands of rotting corpses, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies transforms a masterpiece of world literature into something you'd actually want to read.
JANE AUSTEN is the author of Sense and Sensibility, Persuasion, Mansfield Park, and other masterpieces of English literature. SETH GRAHAME-SMITH once took a class in English literature. He lives in Los Angeles.
"I am officially beyond stoked for this book."—Entertainment Weekly "The real question is: If Mr. Darcy became. infected, would Elizabeth have the fortitude to behead him in time? "—Salon. com
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Post by ripper on Jan 25, 2014 13:00:24 GMT
Sadly, no sign of 50 Shades of Mr. Darcy at my local library, though a few editions of the original work, so I will have to keep an eye open for a cheap copy.
I do have a copy of the Abraham Lincon Vampire Hunter book but haven't tackled it yet.
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Post by Dr Strange on Jan 25, 2014 15:19:10 GMT
I do have a copy of the Abraham Lincon Vampire Hunter book but haven't tackled it yet. The film was awful.
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Post by dem bones on Jan 30, 2014 19:30:03 GMT
We press on. Lady Catherine de Burgh, widow of the disgraced MOR artist, introduces her treasury of bondage accoutrements, and 'sex pest' Phil Collins spends the evening in some discomfort as a result, not that he's the least unhappy. Against her finer judgement, Miss Bennet agrees to become Darcy's kinky sex slave in perpetuity (i.e., until he tires of her). Our deluded heroine truly believes that, given time, she can free him of Lady Catherine's influence, show him that life's gentler pursuits - sewing, the pianoforte, actual sex - are more than a match for the dubious joys of nipple clamp, dildo, gas mask, feather duster and industrial strength butt-plug. Phil Collins would surely disagree, but take a look at him now, nothing but an empty space, and you coming back to him is against all odds, but its the chance he's gotta take.
God help me, but I might actually finish it.
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Post by pulphack on Jan 30, 2014 19:49:55 GMT
You need more than God's help if you can remember that many Phil Collins titles - even worse, you had me humming them!
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Post by dem bones on Jan 31, 2014 7:53:31 GMT
You need more than God's help if you can remember that many Phil Collins titles - even worse, you had me humming them! It's Ok, mr hack, the bride of dem promised she'll drive a stake through me if ever I quote from his terrifying AOR catalogue again. When I confided in Phil, he said "Hello, I must be going! But seriously, I cannot believe it's true. There must be some misunderstanding!" He seemed quite put out by the whole business, though he assures me he don't care anymore, and I guess we have to take his word at face value. So please don't ask him how he feel, he feel's fine. I'm going to kill myself now.
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Post by Craig Herbertson on Jan 31, 2014 8:48:37 GMT
I'm happy to relate I honestly can't remember any of Phil Collin's titles. I have a vague uneasy feeling about some song with a chorus 'can you feel it'? That sort of sticks in my memory like shit to a shoe.
It's one of the fortunate things about playing Irish bars for half a lifetime - it gives you the opportunity to rebuff people who come up at half time and ask you for their favourite songs.
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Post by cauldronbrewer on Feb 1, 2014 15:52:43 GMT
I'm happy to relate I honestly can't remember any of Phil Collin's titles. I have a vague uneasy feeling about some song with a chorus 'can you feel it'? That sort of sticks in my memory like shit to a shoe. Now I'll have to ruin that for you by telling you that you're thinking of "In the Air Tonight" ("I can feel it coming in the air tonight . . . ") often remembered for its association with Miami Vice and/or an urban legend about Phil Collins. You might appreciate the part in Bret Easton Ellis's novel American Psycho where the title character/narrator soliloquizes about his love of Genesis and his preference for Collins over Peter Gabriel (one of the many signs he's unbalanced).
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Post by dem bones on Feb 1, 2014 21:02:57 GMT
Now I'll have to ruin that for you by telling you that you're thinking of "In the Air Tonight" ("I can feel it coming in the air tonight . . . ") often remembered for its association with Miami Vice and/or an urban legend about Phil Collins. ... and referenced in the masterpiece of story-telling - i'm serious - that is Eminem's Stan.
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Post by Jojo Lapin X on Feb 2, 2014 13:18:54 GMT
... and referenced in the masterpiece of story-telling - i'm serious - that is Eminem's Stan. Are you familiar with the sequel? It turns out Stan's brother is just as crazy:
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