Nicholas Pine - Terror Academy: Sixteen Candles

[dem bones]

Nicholas Pine - Terror Academy: Sixteen Candles (Mammoth, 1994: originally Berkley, 1993).

Richard Jones

Blurb:
A KILLER IS ON THE LOOSE...
Since her parents' mysterious deaths, Kelly Langdon has lived a life of misery with her Aunt Doris. Shy and overweight, she's the favourite target of the bullies at Central. but as she turns sixteen, Kelly blossoms into the most popular girl at school.
Everything starts to go her way. Except for the strange messages and threats. And soon she realises they mean what they say ....
Plus a sneak preview of the next Terror Academy title - don't miss SPRING BREAK!

Meet Kelly Langdon, fifteen, miserable, the penniless orphan among yuppie slime barbies at Central Academy. Kelly is aka "The fat phantom of Pitney Docks," "Miss Gland-problem," "Buffalo Butt," and "Fatso." She'
s in the care of Aunt Doris, a dipso hospital worker on minimum wage who shops at the thrift store. Chief among her tormentors, Liza Brown, a spiteful, spoilt rotten bottle blonde from the posh side of town. At start of term, Liza delegated Kelly the simple task of doing her homework for the entire year. Kelly refused, hence the enmity.

Kelly's only pal is fellow reject, Rachel Warren. As the official Academy "nerds," these two run the Computer Club. The third member is Marshall Butler, so far off the radar even Kelly won't hang out with him. But a boy can dream and Marshall has a massive crush on her.

Last day of term. Jeremy Rice, the star player on the football team, invites Kelly to the pizza parlour. Hardly have they taken their seats than the slimeball reveals his ulterior motive. Rice wants her to hack the school computer and upgrade his appalling exam results so he'll not have to attend summer school. Kelly drenches him in orange juice and dumps his steady - Liza - on her arse. What has she done? As if they weren't hateful enough this past year! They'll be out for blood next term!

To make matters worse, Kelly is summoned before Miss Cheryl Monica, the young, super-attractive school counsellor. But Miss Monica, who has had it tough herself, is sympathetic to Kelly's dire circumstances and offers her paid work as a recreation assistant to Coach Sikes for the summer holiday. Kelly enjoys her first job so much she even joins in the track events. Come the new term, she's shed excess pounds and Joe 90 glasses, invested in contacts and an entire new wardrobe. "You look like Cindy Crawford!" enthuses Rachel, and she's not wrong.

The new Kelly effortlessly deposes Liza as red hot favourite in the Prom Queen stakes. All the boys want to date her, even Jeremy Rice! Poor Marshall is distraught. If Kelly blew him out during her blimp incarnation, what chance has he now? Worse, ever since she began dating dreamboat Brad, Kelly's become just as stuck up as the rest of the cool kids. When he tells her as much, she quits the computer club!

Brings us to P. 103 of 174. But for a couple of semi-stalking interludes, vague flashbacks (parents' deaths), and a few terse calls from a phone pest, nothing much has happened. Provided Mr. Pine doesn't blow the ending, we could be talking a boring horror/ mild terror classic.