Confederations Cup, Brazil 2013

[dem bones]

With no home nation involvement due to none of us ever winning anything, a chance to enjoy a stress-free fortnight of what should be a brilliant tournament!

Sat 15th June: Group A Brazil V Japan (BBC 3: Kick off 20.00)

Brazil recently played England off the park at the Maracana, could still only manage a 2-2 draw. Rustiness blamed on combination of 'Big Phil' Scolari's tinkering and lack of competitive games - tonight's will be their first in 23 months - but they've since given France a good seeing to and should be all fired up. Japan have already qualified for next years world cup at expense of Australia, and i've one of my sneaking suspicions about them. Should 'the Blue Samura' concede a soft goal, expect Mark Lawrenson to blame "kamikaze defending" and entire studio to die of embarrassment.

Sun 16th June: Group A Italy V Mexico (BBC 3: 20.00)

Not seen holders Mexico in action since the England friendly in 2001, but they're on a run of six draws if that's any use to you. Italy are the only non-trophy winning side in the tournament, but qualify as runners up to Spain at Euro 2012 and credible 7th place finish in this years Eurovision song contest. Mario Balotelli odds on to score blinding hat-trick/ not turn up/ commit foul of the tournament/ head-butt own coach/ spontaneously combust/, possibly all in the space of the first eight minutes of this game.

Sun 16th June: Group B Spain V Uruguay (BBC 1: 23. 00)

Underachievers on an England scale for most of last century, Spain are now a team who've forgotten how to grab defeat from jaws of victory. They're usually at their most lethal when - by their standards - not playing particularly well. For decades Uruguay were the undisputed masters of the dark arts, but then came 2010's South Africa World Cup where, the infamous handball versus gallant Ghana notwithstanding, they were a joy to watch, even to the point of fighting out an exciting contest with Germany for pointless 3rd place decider. With the inspired Edinson Cavani, Deigo Forlan and human flesh-eatier Suarez in the side, it's unlikely we'll see a return to traditional values just yet.

Mon 17th June: Group B Nigeria V Tahiti (BBC 3: 20.00)

According to my Vault Bumper Book of Football, the key to Tahiti's Oceania Nations Cup success was a well-drilled defense, so recent 7-0 reverse to Chile under-20's can't have done much for their confidence. All but one of the squad are amateurs, their manager reckons they'll "probably lose" to Spain, and the plan is to play 10 behind the ball and nick something on the break. Nigeria, having settled their traditional dispute over bonuses, will be keen to earn a few bob against the tournament's likely whipping boys.

[franklinmarsh]

Superb stuff as ever, Dem. You really are a Kenneth Wolstenholme for the new millenium. Last week a co-worker lent me a DVD of the TV adaptation of Stephen King's The Stand, which was good, but not as good as the (short version of) the book. Fuelled by this, and a recent appearance by David Soul (applauding X-Ray Spex no less) on Top Of The Pops 1978 I dug out the TV version of Salem's Lot that I'd purchased afrom Asda a couple of Hallowe'ens ago. Removing the cellophane was simple but the bastard case seemed to have some security device attached (I did purchase it, honest) and it took the Dame a while to smash it. We watched disc one on Sunday night, intending to follow it up straight away with disc two, but the security device was more fiendish than we thought. Fortunately, the Mrs had found an old engraving kit in a clear out of the cupboard under the stairs and she was able to engrave her way through this plastic belt thing that refused to release disc two. This took an hour, so we held over the denouement until last night. Whilst the good lady was watering her plants (not a euphemism) I bagged the best seat in front of our home cinema system (satire)and impatiently flicked through the channels awaiting her and her popcorn's appearance. Imagine my surprise on encountering a football match on BBC3. Even more stunning, Nigeria trickled home a goal thanks to an horrendous gaffe by the Tahitian netminder as I watched, which turned out to be their third, and there was only 25 minutes gone. I was just getting into this when the Mrs turned up screaming 'We're NOT watching football!!!' so we settled down to enjoy her hero (David Soul) despatching my hero (Reggie Nalder). Did catch the historic Tahiti goal on the news this morning and the ensuing scenes of unbridled joy that rivalled VE day, despite the fact that Nigeria rather sportingly settled for six. One wonders what Spain will do to Tahiti?

[dem bones]

You really shouldn't encourage me, but thank you so much for doing so. The rest of ya, nothing to see here, go read something else.

With a day's break in the action, an opportunity to catch up on the story so far.

Group A:

Brazil 3 Japan 0: So much for my inner Criswell. Tournament openers are often cagey affairs with neither side prepared to risk a losing start, but no danger of that once Brazil forced the issue with Neymar's third minute scorcher following, as Alan Shearer so eloquently put it, "a great touch by Fred with his tit ... with his chest." Rest of first half was none too shabby. Brazil continued to attack in numbers, Japan created and failed to take some decent chances of their own. With Paulinho's neat finish immediately after the break, the hosts took a stranglehold on the game, and it was over as a contest long before Oscar's sensational lambada through the Samurai midfield set up Jo to tap in with last kick of the game.

Italy 2 Mexico 1:

Found this by far the most entertaining match to date. When swashbuckling Andrea Pirlo celebrated his 100th cap with a glorious free kick beyond the keeper's incredibly strange dive, you couldn't see Mexico getting back into it. Six minutes later they were level from the spot and suddenly looking good to extend their drawing sequence. Mario Balotelli pulled yet another persona from his exhaustive repertoire. Persistently kicked, he took most of it in his stride, kept plugging away, eventually powering home the winner twelve minutes from time. He deserved it, Italy deserved it.

Next Up:

Wed 19th June: Brazil V Mexico (BBC 3: Kick off 20.00)
Wed 19th June: Italy V Japan (BBC 1: 23. 00)

Group B:

Melchester fall foul of slimy foreign johnnies.

Spain 2 Uruguay 1: 2-1 suggests a closely fought contest, but it was a total walkover, played out in monsoon conditions. Had Uruguay pissed off to a nightclub after the exchange of pennants, its unlikely Spain would have noticed. Only surprise was that it took Iniesta & Co. 20 minutes to find the net. After which, a mini fouling contest, culminating in Rodriguez's demolition of Jordi Alba's head with vintage elbow-jab. Trouble is, Spain don't mind a bit of that either. Arbeloa went into the book for a spiteful one, Sergio Ramos tried his damnedest to join him, and was harshly denied a straight red for evil two-footed lunge. Other than that, excitement was confined to commentary box where Jonathan Pearce and 'Lawro' came under attack from "Jurassic Park-size ants."

Nigeria 6 Tahiti 1: Another mismatch for sure, but, even though Tahiti gifted them at least four of their goals, the Super Eagles wasted loads of gilt-edged chances and made hard work of killing off their attack-minded (!) opponents. Biggest cheer of night came when Jonathan Tehau headed in shortly after the break to make it 3-1. The Nigerian players evidently loved them as much as the Brazilian crowd. Pitch looked dreadful.

Next Up:

Thurs 20th June: Spain V Tahiti (BBC 3: Kick off 20.00)
Thurs 20th June: Nigeria V. Uruguay (BBC 3: Kick off 23.00)

So let's drag some books from the shelf of shame ...

David Coleman's World Cup 70 Preview (Purnell, 1970)

This disappointingly lightweight history of the competition is not without redeeming features.. Jack Finney, "famous for having abandoned the Scotland-Austria battle in 1963 *" talks refereeing, a difficult job made harder by the antics of certain Continentals (the section is illustrated with some great photo's of Antonio Rattin's dismissal versus England during 1966 quarter final). It's just over to you to retain control and exert your influence. In rare instances it mightn't really be possible - like the Chile-Italy in 1962 World Cup, where I'm told the ill-feeling was so bad they were fighting in the tunnel. Well, I hope I never get one like that!" Elsewhere, appraisals of "A Sir Called Alf' and his soon-to-be nemesis, Helmut Shoen; 'The Debacle In Brazil' as a super-smug England suffer face-reddening defeat to "joke team" the USA in the 1950 finals, and an exciting 'My Ideal Team To Represent England In The 1970 World Cup Final' competition. Jack Charlton can't see the South American sides troubling their European counterparts, especially as Peru have seen to it that the tournament will be deprived Argentina's (then) trademark cynical malevolence. His brother Bobby fancies the Hungarians. Coleman/ Harris acknowledge that the Brazilian's possess talent, but are "still playing 4-2-4 with no significant attempt to tighten the defense. The problems are in the middle." In short, everyone's agreed it's England's trophy, and Ramsey is confident they'll retain it in 1974.

*: With Scotland leading 4-1 in front of a 94, 000+ crowd, Finney called a halt on 79 minutes, by which time he'd dismissed two Austrians, Horst Nemec and Erich Hof, for gobbing and a "diabolical waist high tackle" respectively. "I felt that I had to abandon the match or somebody would have been seriously hurt." And yes, it was a friendly.

[dem bones]

Ahead of tomorrow's Tahiti versus Team Showboat 2nd XI glamour tie, crunch time in Group A. Lose tonight, and Japan and Mexico will be contesting a dead rubber at the weekend, while Brazil and Italy battle it out to decide who avoids Spain in the semi's.

Half an hour until kick off so just time to drag another from the shelf of shame that is THE VAULT FOOTBALL LIBRARY

Barrie J. Tomlinson (ed.) - Roy Of The Rovers Football Quiz Book (Mirror Books, 1978)

Published in 1978 while Roy was moonlighting as England's caretaker player-manager. How could any of us know that tragedy was lurking around the corner, that our 'Racey's ill-advised mullet years would culminate in a near-fatal helicopter crash and subsequent amputation of his left foot?

Roy already told us that his book is filled with hundreds of "super questions", and there's really little else to say about it. The 6-page 'Spot the Difference' section - featuring a set of pictures from Roy's very own football weekly - is rendered impossible by a terrible print job. Eric Morcambe's introduction hilariously references Ernie Wise's short, fat hairy legs and Des O'Connor as usual, and there's a truly terrifying b/w illustration of a famous "first division goalkeeper."

Recommended.

Other '70's Mirror paperback publications include at least six volumes of Goal Action Replay flick books, The Daily Mirror Book of Space (1970), The Daily Mirror Book For Girls (1972) and Joyce McKinney And The Manacled Mormon (1978)

[ripper]

I've caught a couple of the games, and they've been a nice antidote to the dismal and depressing under-21 finals where England lost all 3 group matches. It's hard to get used to seeing football on BBC3.

Its good to see how spot on David Coleman et al were about the chances of the Brazil team of 1970 team, and how England would dominate not only the 1970 finals but also those of 1974 :-). Actually, the 1970 QF between England and West Germany is my earliest memory of watching football. I'm ashamed to say I shed a few tears after the game--I was only 8 and hadn't been hardened to what to expect when England played--and I always remember my mother's prophetic words as she comforted me: "Never mind, there's always 1974."

[Craig Herbertson]

Jun 20, 2013 9:33:34 GMT ripper said:

I've caught a couple of the games, and they've been a nice antidote to the dismal and depressing under-21 finals where England lost all 3 group matches. It's hard to get used to seeing football on BBC3.

Its good to see how spot on David Coleman et al were about the chances of the Brazil team of 1970 team, and how England would dominate not only the 1970 finals but also those of 1974 :-). Actually, the 1970 QF between England and West Germany is my earliest memory of watching football. I'm ashamed to say I shed a few tears after the game--I was only 8 and hadn't been hardened to what to expect when England played--and I always remember my mother's prophetic words as she comforted me: "Never mind, there's always 1974."

No shame in weeping over footie. Supporting Heart of Midlothian and Scotland is like revisiting Culloden Moor on a weekly basis.

[dem bones]

Jun 20, 2013 9:33:34 GMT ripper said:

I've caught a couple of the games, and they've been a nice antidote to the dismal and depressing under-21 finals where England lost all 3 group matches.

In that case, I hope you caught yesterday's 11pm classic, rip. Should England qualify, i don't hold out much hope for them, and not just for the obvious reasons. Can you see our lads coping in that sweltering, strength-sapping heat? Even the hosts struggled last night, and this is the Brazilian winter! Poor old 'Laro's face looks like a leg of boiled bacon.

Brazil 2 Mexico 1

Another beauty from Naymar, whose fancy footwork also set up sub Jo for another injury time tap in, but otherwise a niggly, nothing of a match, the Mexican's surrendering their trophy with minimal resistance. Best bit was David Luiz copping an elbow in the face from own team-mate and playing entire second half with strings of ectoplasm emerging from his nostrils. But then came the thrilling, epic, seesaw battle that was ...

Italy 4 Japan 3.

What a match! The Japanese attacked from the word go and can consider themselves desperately unfortunate to lose. But for a fifteen minute spell either side of the break, they were far the better side. Two up through the impressive Honda (pen) and Kagawa on 32 minutes, they looked to be coasting. Italy just hadn't got going. Even Pirlo, who is looking more like a refugee from The Good, The Bad & The Ugly with every game, seemed knackered. A nifty substitution - Giovincovon for a peripheral Aquilan - and they were back from the grave. De Rossie powered home a bullet header, Giovincovon struck a post, suddenly they were all over the super Samurai. Three minutes into the second half, the equalizer, Uchida putting through his own net under pressure from Mad Mario. Seconds later, the ref awarded an extremely harsh penalty which Balotelli nonchalantly tapped home. Still the Japanese weren't done. With the crowd roaring them on like a second Tahiti, they wrestled back the initiative. A spell of relentless pressure paid off when Okazak drew them level on 68 minutes. They kept surging forward. Okazak hit a post, Kagawaon blasted the rebound against the bar ... and the Italians done them on the break, Giovinco slotting home with four minutes left. Just enough time left for Yoshida' to have one (correctly) disallowed for offside. Game of the tournament, nothing. That was among the most exciting matches i've seen in my life.

[ripper]

Craig, being Scotland and England fans, I think we've endured our fair share of suffering over the years :-).

I missed the late game last night, Dem, sad to say. It's odds on that our lads will wilt in that heat. I remember when the World Cup was held in Japan/S. Korea in 2002 and the heat they had to endure. But even if playing conditions were ideal for England I still don't fancy their chances, even if they qualify--which is no means certain. I just don't think they're good enough to go through a WC finals without coming to grief. Still, the Confederations Cup gives us a chance to relax and not worry about England's progress :-).

Your dip into the Demonic footy library reminded me that it was quite common back in the 70s for tobacco companies to sponsor various annual football compendiums--not something you're likely to see again. I also had several of the "All Stars" footy annuals, one of which was edited by Jimmy Armfield, who still does football commentries on R5.

[dem bones]

Jun 20, 2013 18:02:58 GMT ripper said:

I missed the late game last night, Dem, sad to say.

No word of a lie, it was brilliant. Japan have already qualified for next year's world cup, so we might even see a rematch. They made a lot of friends last night, that's for sure.

Jun 20, 2013 18:02:58 GMT ripper said:

But even if playing conditions were ideal for England I still don't fancy their chances, even if they qualify--which is no means certain. I just don't think they're good enough to go through a WC finals without coming to grief.

Ain't that the truth.

Group B. action

Encouragement directed toward Tahiti, obviously.

An hour to go until Tahiti take on the world champions. According to my The Vault Bumper Book of Spain's Record Score, Spain's record score is 13-0 v. Bulgaria in 1933, so am desperately hoping they get nowhere near that tonight. You can imagine Fernando Torres, can't you? "'Let me on! I'm going to prove I'm deadlier than Messi by scoring ten against a bunch of unemployed postmen!"

As expected before a ball was kicked, Nigeria and Uruguay are contesting second spot. Should the Super Eagles win tonight, that will be them through to the semi's, so this one might get a little spicy.

[ripper]

Nice to see getting a standing ovation after their match with Spain last night. It was always going to be one-sided but they did give it a go. That game will be the highlight of their playing career and I hope that they all thoroughly enjoyed the occasion.

I didn't manage to stay awake for the Uruguay-Nigeria game, but was a bit surprised to hear this morning that Uruguay were the victors. I can't see Spain tripping up against Nigeria on sunday, but as Nigeria have nothing to lose it should be an interesting game.

[dem bones]

Spain 10 Tahiti 0: What might have been. With the match balanced on a knife-edge at 8-0 there really wasn't much in it, but then Del Bosque pulled a tactical masterstroke, sent on Iniesta for last ten minutes to give the world champs a cutting edge. Torres blasting a penalty over when keeper had already dived into a different hemisphere was source of much celebration among Brazilian crowd (and in house of dem). Tahiti cheered off by 71, 000 spectators and, to their credit, the entire Spanish squad.

Nigeria 1 Uruguay 2: Playing Tahiti first probably worked against the Nigerians. Their traditional strike over bonuses on eve of competition meant they arrived late to the party, and last night the lack of preparation told against them. Uruguay don't look half the team they were in South Africa, but were fast out of the blocks and Lugano scrambled them ahead inside twenty minutes while the Super Eagles were taking a siesta. As half-time approached, Mikel got them back into it with a well taken goal , and suddenly the Nigerians were playing a bit. Match was eventually settled, fittingly, by Diego 'The Alice-band Assassin' Forlan with an absolute belter on his 100th appearance for his country. Vampire-face Suarez subbed after ineffectual display, his reaction almost as mirth-inducing as Torres' skied spot kick in earlier mismatch.

On a sombre note. Tear gas, pepper spray and rubber bullets have been deployed to disperse demonstrators outside a number of the C13 venues. There have been several injuries and arrests and, tragically, a youth was killed when a car drove at a barricade in Sao Paolo. Demonstrators are bitterly opposed to - among much else - the vast sums of public money being spent on next years World Cup when the country is crying out for better Schools and Hospitals. Having felt same way about the £millions thrown at London Olympics & Thatcher's funeral, am in complete sympathy. FIFA are insistent that the tournament will not be cancelled, - those grasping so-and-so's never pull the plug on anything - but the matter may yet be taken out of the hands.

[ripper]

All the teams in the competition are from countries with warm or hot climates. No representation from countries with cooler climates, which did surprise me rather, as I would have thought it would be useful to see how a team more used to cooler temperatures coped with the conditions over a few weeks, rather than just playing a one-off match like England did a few weeks ago.

Yes, very sad to see the violence outside the grounds. Think I heard on the radio that there had been demostrations in 100 towns and cities across Brazil.

[dem bones]

Jun 22, 2013 8:52:01 GMT ripper said:

All the teams in the competition are from countries with warm or hot climates. No representation from countries with cooler climates, which did surprise me rather, as I would have thought it would be useful to see how a team more used to cooler temperatures coped with the conditions over a few weeks, rather than just playing a one-off match like England did a few weeks ago.

Ah, well, according to my David Soul's Bumper Book of Astonishing Soccer Facts (Silver Lady, 1978), you need to win something to qualify. So, Uruguay are there as Copa America holders, Nigeria won the Africa Cup of Nations, Japan, the Asian cup, Tahiti improbably triumphed in the Oceania Nations Cup, etc. Italy are the odd team out, as they finished runners up at Euro 2012, but Spain had already qualified for CC13 by lifting the 2010 World Cup. If England would stop being so snooty and agree to participate in a revived Home Internationals, who knows, we could be 2017's ... Tahiti?

Weekends fixtures: final group games.

Group A

Sat. 22nd June: Italy V Brazil (BBC 3; kick off 20: 00)
Japan V Mexico (BBC red button: kick off 20: 00)

Group B

Sun 23rd June:
Nigeria V Spain (BBC 3; kick off 20: 00)
Tahiti V Uruguay BBC red button: kick off 20: 00)

damn, I hate channel-hopping. The smart thing would be to watch the Brazil-Italy encounter, but was so taken with the Japanese three nights back, and I reckon they'll be more up for this than the woefully dispirited Mexicans. In group B, Nigeria must beat Brazil and hope Uruguay don't go too berserk against the Tahitians.

[ripper]

Thanks, Dem, I hadn't realised that the teams had to win something to be included. I agree about bringing back the home internationals. I think it could be useful to have such a mini-competition. The manager could bring in new players and formations/tactics and see how they pan out over 2 or 3 games, rather than having to experiment in one-off friendlies, where consistancy is lost due to the long time between games. Also, I have heard several managers say that no amount of friendlies and qualifiers prepares you for playing in an actual competition. I'm not holding my breath, though, as I am doubtful that the powers-that-be will reinstate the home internationals, particularly when I suspect that the Premier league would oppose it.

[dem bones]

Final group matches

Group A

Brazil 4 Italy 2: Who'd have thought it, the once pathologically negative Italy as the great entertainers? Not that you'd have known it from a flat first half, notable only for the stretchering off of David Luiz's jacket potato nose and Dante's opener (offside) on stroke of half time. The Italians were a different proposition after the restart and good value for their equaliser, Giaccherin blasting home following an audacious backheel by temporarily non-mad Mario. Four minutes later, they were behind again, Neymar thumping in an unstoppable free kick, and when Fred made it 3-1, that should have been game over. But the Italians kept plugging away. Chiellini pulled one back after a goalmouth scramble, and Cesar saved well from a Balotelli' thunderbolt. Fred's second, two minutes from time, put a gloss on the scoreline, and, barring two very unlikely results in Sunday's games, Italy could look forward to the dubious pleasure of meeting Spain in the semi-finals.

Japan 1 Mexico 2: Only caught the highlights, but it looked another decent game. Two more for Javi Hernandez, who also had a late penalty saved by Kawashima and lashed the rebound against the bar. Japan, who contributed much to what has been a terrific tournament, will be wondering at a trade deficit that sees their all-action displays earning them nil points.

Group B

Nigeria 0 Spain 3: Nothing like the romp the scoreline suggests, Nigeria were first team to give the world champs a proper contest. After the excellent Jordi Alba put them ahead on three minutes, Spain missed a hatful of gilt-edged opportunities, but so too their opponents. Nigeria were a shade fortunate on 40 mins when a Fabregas shot cannoned back off the post and straight into the grateful gonads of keeper Vincent Enyeama, but on that first half performance, they could, and should have gone in on level terms. Drama in the studio, too when Mark 'Chappers' Chapman informed guest analysis Gus Poyet llive on air that he'd been dismissed as manager of Fat Boy Smith's mob. Class. Second half, plenty of chances came and went for both sides until introduction of the Iberian goal-hanger in chief on the hour who headed home inside a minute. Even then, sub Gambo should have reduced the deficit rather than blast into row Z when set up by play-maker Musa.

Tahiti 0 Uruguay 8: Typical. You wait twelve matches for a red card and then two come along in a game you're not watching. From highlights, the Uruguayan second string completed formalities without fuss. Busy night for Scotti. who scored two, had a feeble penalty saved by Tahiti's third-choice keeper Gil Merie, walked moments later when a shirt-pull earned him a second yellow.

Semi finals:

Wed 26th June: Brazil V Uruguay (BBC3, 20.00)
Thurs 27th June: Italy V Spain (BBC1, 20.00)