Leo Brett - The Alien Ones

[dem bones]

Leo Brett (Lionel Fanthorpe) - The Alien Ones (Five Star, 1972: originally Science Fiction Library # 94, Badger, 1963)

Blurb:
WHAT DID THE SPACE PIONEERS FIND?
Life on the pioneer planet Orkol was harsh and lonely. Earth settlers found a civilisation in decay, a frustrating shortage of women, out-dated machinery, and plagues of vicious rodents. The dawn of the green suns gave only a thin eerie light. Arid the mineral Orkolite produced vibra­tions that could destroy a planet or shatter a human brain.

Barking by most authors' standards, judged against some of the Rev. Lionel Fanthorpe's titles featured in Down The Badger Hole, this 140 pager is possibly one of his more conventional efforts. But ever so: what were Five Star thinking?!!!

Like thousands before them, Safron and Celeste Wilde are duped into leaving earth to begin a new life on Orkul. It takes all their worldly possessions to finance the project but eventually they blast off in the Hyperthon, a budget price space rocket equipped with a computer straight out of Poundland. Crash landing at the Orkul spaceport, they're dismayed to find their welcoming committee consists of a moribund, broken down one-eyed robot. Safron hates robots, particularly those who inform him that his patch of land is 18, 000 miles away across the desert and only a clapped-out truck to get him there. Likewise, Celeste is furious that none of this was in the Government's brochure, but what can they do? With the Hyperthon beyond repair they're stranded! Wait until they find out that, far from arriving by choice, the vast majority of their fellow settlers have been transferred from earth's penal colonies!

Having spent hour upon hour trucking through the baking desert, the Wilde's seek lodgings for the night at the home of a fat settler named Pargoni who is happy to board the newbies free of charge. What a nice man! What a relief to crawl into bed for the first time in months! Safron enjoys a particularly good sleep on account of Pargoni whacking him across the back of the skull with a spanner. He regains consciousness just as Pargoni is attempting to forcibly part Celeste from her space tunic. A hefty space-boot to the would-be rapist's testicles saves the day, but it's another wake up call for the Wilde's. There are too few women on Orkul!

Safron's expertise in research chemistry puts him in the frame for a plum job at the Haldane Mining Company. Haldane, the richest man on the planet, is its non-benign fascist dictator. "As far as Orkul is concerned, I am the law. I represent economic power and, to some extent, I represent military power. If there are any robots in good working gear, they are working in my mines." Apart from Safron, a thoroughly disreputable boffin named Gray Hawkins is the only qualified biochemist on Orkul. Haldane offers Wilde a fortune to work for him but our hero faces a moral dilemma. The dictator is far from coy in regard to the fate of the more dispensable members of his workforce. The miners rarely survive three days exposure to the natural mineral and they're the lucky ones. God help those who 'volunteer' to test run Hawkins's latest harmless super drugs! Will Safron over-ride his principles and take Haldane's blood money?

Now, I know what you're thinking: so far, so relatively sensible. Relax, the great man is only warming up.

to be continued ...

[killercrab]

I nearly picked this up this arvo - talk about coincidence.

KC

[dem bones]

Man, you should get back where you saw it as though your life depended on it! There's even a brief, almost supernaturally unscary pre-The Rats episode: trillions of blue, three inch rodents attack a farm devouring everything in their path but nobody gets killed! Nnow, you might think that sounds a little unlikely, but that's because you don't know about Safron's little accident in the lab. Turns out that one brightly coloured sample of Orkolite was even more radioactive than the rest and exposure to its deadly rays transformed him into an indestructible fifteen foot, half gorilla, half armadillo with a terrible temper, and ....

uh, that's not too much of a spoiler, is it?

Incidentally, so enjoyed The Alien Ones that I picked up another 'Leo Brett' novel on a recent excursion to TYPE.

Leo Brett - The Forbidden (Supernatural Stories #72, Badger 1963)

Blurb
Cobwebs hung in weird, grotesque festoons from the vaulted roof. There was a strange odour in the ancient cellar. A bent figure crouches over forbidden books and mixes indescribably strange ingredients in a cauldron. The cauldron bubbles and foul fumes arise. The alchemist transfers the secret formula to a flask. It travels carefully and ceremoniously from flask to retort and back again. Unnatural things happen in the flask . . . terrifying things. Suddenly a human figure appears, yet it is not human in all respects. Has the alchemist made this strange, frighten­ing thing, or has it come from realms beyond? The alchemist finds himself involved in a series of breathtaking psychic adventures such as he had never imagined possible even in his wildest dreams. This is a Supernatural story which no devotee of the Unexplained will want to miss.

Hell, but I don't half buy some rubbish when I'm pissed.

[dem bones]

Gray Hawkins is an ambitious man. Playing Number Two to Haldane's Dr. Evil is all very well for the present but ultimately he sees himself as a 'Galactic Caesar' and his experiments in 'vibratory science' have yielded the means by which he can achieve his ambition. Hawkins has invented a super-vibrator so powerful it can destroy brains and, once he's locked into the frequency, obliterate any planet he takes a dislike to!

Safron, meanwhile, is examining a strange, green-veined red nugget of Orkolite freshly excavated from the mines when the hideous transformation occurs (see above). It would be uncharitable to sneer that it's taken something so drastic for him to finally develop a conscience, but he makes up for lost time by smashing the lab and pulping Hawkins under his mighty gorilla fist for good measure. Exit the wannabe Master of the Universe, squashed flat into the floor. Celeste decides the best thing for it is to get Safron back to earth where, apparently, an antidote to radioactive dust which transforms a man into a scaly, giant green ape with a murderous temper is freely available. Together with a one-armed robot who shows increasing humanistic traits, Celeste and her monster husband conceive a foolproof plan which will force Haldane to sponsor their travel back to Earth (i.e, they threaten him with the same fate as Hawkins) - but first they must survive the fangs of the vicious blue rodent army!

There's way more to The Alien Ones than my god-awful synopsis indicates, including many a moratorium while Rev. Fanthorpe gets down to his trademark metaphysical musing (can a synthetic man have a soul?), and how I got this far without mentioning the green ape's duel to the death with a bulldozer defies credulity. Not sure when next i'll pluck up sufficient stamina to do battle with another 'Leo Brett', but am grateful to have experienced at least one of his delightfully ludicrous mind-benders. surely his prayer books can't be this much fun?

[killercrab]

i am not sure when next i'll pluck up sufficient stamina to do battle with another 'Leo Brett', but am grateful to have experienced at least one of his delightfully ludicrous mind-benders. surely his prayer books can't be this much fun?

You're forcing my hand to go pick up that copy that's admittedly been in the shop for awhile. Damn you ... ;D

KC

[helrunar]

This is a hilarious thread. Now I have to go read Koosh's take on this disaster zone.

Fanthorpe certainly saw some odd things whilst havering under the blankies.

H.

[ramseycampbell]

But has anybody here experienced the tales of Terence Haile?

[dem bones]

Aug 8, 2022 7:50:24 GMT ramseycampbell said:

But has anybody here experienced the tales of Terence Haile?

Not yet, but I have this among the to-read's.

Terence Haile - The Sports Stars In Danger (Stanley Baker, 1952).

Blurb:
Terence Haile takes you behind the scenes with the glamour of sporting personalities. A murder mystery interwoven with love interest, and exciting descriptive scenes of sporting events brilliantly told by a modern young Author who keeps you in continuous suspense as he unfolds the story of the disappearance of a Famous Sports Star. Mysterious accidents, disagreements between the Sports Stars' Directors, a brutal attack and the discovery of a battered body, the Police on the track of the murderers, a crop of threatening letters, suicide and kidnapping which throws suspicion on many well known sports players. All these events make this a grand, vivid Thriller packed with action that will give lovers of sport the world over continuous enjoyment.

It's hour draws near.