Cannibalised from old board (more to come ......)
Franklin Marsh I'm fast beginning to adore pub landlords and policemen in these books. [in Frank Clegg
Soccer Thug (Sphere 1973)] There's a couple of coppers who patrol the Redford End - one of whom is a bigger hooligan than Striker and his mates. Anyway, Striker's world is suddenly turned upside down - "...a beautiful girl came in the pub. She was blonde and wearing a long, semi-transparent dress which showed the outline of her crutch as she moved." (Presumably she's got a bad leg. ) It's posh tottie Suzie Rayburn, ordering a bottle of Bells and a dozen tonics, put on Daddy's account. Her folks are away and she's having a party. This is like a red rag to a bull to our landlord. "She's a baggage, that one... You should see some of them. Long-haired fairies. Stinking of dirt and drugs... I've knocked about a bit in my time, I don't mind admitting it, and I'm not a prude. But I don't hold with goings on like that. If I was that girl's father I'd give her a good thrashing." Makes Dennis Wheatley sound like a hippy, doesn't he?
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demonik Been meaning to do a pulp pubs thread for ages now, so might as well knuckle down to it before I forget all about it again.
Here's some to be getting along with:
Pub;
Ye Journey's End, Cumberland Moors.
Source ; Guy Preston,
The Inn (
Pan Horror # 2)
Proprietor/ Landlord ; Bald, squat, creepy fellow with no eyes. Dead unctuous.
Staff ; His beautiful daughter.
Clientèle ; None.
In-House Entertainment; Being chased across the roof by axe-murdering daughter: having your blood drained by her and pa if she catches you.
Pub Scout Frank Methuen.
Pub;
The Lough Inn, Loughville, Hants.
Source ; R. Chetwynd-Hayes,
The Humgoo (from
The Monster Club)
Proprietor/ Landlord ; Dead slow, monosyllabic, morose, surly if you try and escape.
Staff ; His beautiful daughter, Luna.
Clientèle ; Entire village. Of ghouls.
In-House Entertainment; Being eyed up as main course at the 'great eating.' On the plus side, the home brew's not bad.
Pub Scout Gerald Mansfield.
Pub;
The Lifeless Lass (formerly
The Dog & Ducking Stool, Yeominster Rd.
Source ; Norman Kauffman,
Lady On Display (
Pan Horror # 19)
Proprietor/ Landlord ; Edgar Quill. A total bastard, but chatty.
Staff ; None (doesn't have daughter).
Clientèle ; None in evidence, but run of the mill morbid thrill-seekers by the sounds of things.
In-House Entertainment; Being drugged, stuffed and hung behind the bar (Ladies only).
Pub Scout Wendy the reporter.
Pub;
The Bull, The Wash, Lincolnshire.
Source ; Guy N. Smith,
The Slime BeastProprietor/ Landlord ; Tom Southgate. Miserable git.
Staff ; The wife.
Clientèle ; Rent-a-mob villagers: likewise mega-suspicious of, and hostile toward outsiders.
In-House Entertainment; None. The fun starts after chucking out time when they stone you and try and dump you in the quicksand.
Pub Scout Prof. Lowson, Gavin Royle and Liz Beck.
Pub;
The George & Dragon, Renton, Oxfordshire.
Source ; Ian Dear, (
Village Of Blood)
Proprietor/ Landlord ; Donald Sharp. Disappointingly civil, but then he's a piffling fancy-dan outsider, having only lived in Renton for twenty years.
Staff ; His wife, almost entirely peripheral. Likewise a son whose only remarkable contribution is to die horribly in mystery car 'accident'.
Clientèle ; "Round bronzed faces with small eyes set too close together, straw-coloured hair, stocky, chunky figures ... Renton, it was obvious, had more than one village idiot." Hatred of strangers borders on the pathological. "We don't wants you here. If I was you I'd be gorn before anyone gets hurt."
In-House Entertainment; They do a passable Shepherds Pie.
Pub Scout Ken Mathers, Ann Green, entire cast of Anvil Productions.
Pub;
The Gibbet Inn, (formerly
The Rising Sun, Manton village.
Source ; Thomas Muirson,
The Gibbet Inn (
Pan Horror # 21)
Proprietor/ Landlord ; Jacob Farley. Obese, piggy eyed. Hostile to strangers - "Get out, mister. Out" - if you talk to ...
Staff ; ... Ellen, his beautiful daughter.
Clientèle ; None.
In-House Entertainment; None, unless you want to watch Farley land his daughter a whack. Won't even let you finish your pint.
Pub Scout Unnamed narrator.
Pub;
The Baltic Fleet, Dock Street , Liverpool.
Source ; Ramsey Campbell,
Watch The Birdie (
Years Best Horror XIII)
Proprietor/ Landlord ; John 'The Admiral' Meakin,: previously had
The Grapes, as featured in R. C.'s
Wake Not The Dead. Seems a fair bloke. Prone to temper if you punch the birdcage or have a knife fight in the carpark.
Staff ; Doesn't mention any.
Clientèle ; Town planners celebrating the planting of a tree or something.
In-House Entertainment; Graffiti in the bogs (especially the Slavonic stuff), the landlord's parrot, a colossal , pissed-off elemental.
Pub Scout Ramsey Campbell.
Brian Walker; Cock-Crow Inn, Wishbone Point.
Source; Tod Robbins
Cock-Crow Inn (
Creeps Omnibus)
Proprietor/ Landlord; Anthony Greer. Sadly, absent on witch-burning business with all his regulars.
Staff; Nancy, his beautiful daughter. Bit of a flirt, gets to sit on everyone's knee.
Clientèle; On this particular night, the mouldering corpse of Whitechapel Willie, pirate and cuthroat, recently gibbeted, Hangman Tibbit, and Nancy.
In-House Entertainment; Sword fight between one-eyed crow bait and the noose-happy Tibbit.
Pub Scout; Tibbit's grandson.
Pub;
The Morvoren Inn, 'Bosbradoe', Cornish Coast.
Source ; Peter Tremayne -
The Hound Of Frankenstein (Mills & Boon, 1977)
Proprietor/ Landlord ; Noall. Wary of 'upcountry men'. Wary of Londoners. Wary of hunchbacks and foreigners: "Wine, is it? Why don't your master and you leave here? You ain't wanted."'
Staff; Seems to be a one man operation. Wary of barstaff.
Clientèle; Dr. Shaw, Helen Trevaskis, Hugo, Brother Willie Carew, Tom Jenner, usual superstitious types.
In-House Entertainment; Staring. Mumbling. Shouting abuse at Hugo the hunchback: "Get out, baboon!" "Bandy-legs!", etc. Storming Dr. Frankenstein's laboratory at closing time.
Pub Scout; Dr. Brian Shaw. Fresh from London, poor sod.
Also:
"B-but you're my friend bleated Mr. Bond; and he stared at the shining thread of the axe.
"The Best you ever had, sir, Mr. Bond, sir!" answered Stephen Sasserach; and, stepping back, the landlord of The Traveller's Head cut off the traveller's head. From Nugent Barker's
Curious Adventure Of Mr. Bond which has three woodland Inns for the price of one, each belonging to a different Sasserach brother (Martin has
The Headless Man while Crispin and his "young, small and busy wife" Myrtle have
The Rest Of The Traveller). One is noted for his wonderful broths, the other his fine carvings, and the third likes to keep his field of expertise a secret for reasons that soon become obvious. All three favour recycling in a big way.
We mustn't overlook Kingsley Amis's
The Green Man in Fareham, Herts, eight miles off the M1. Presiding over this charming establishment is Maurice Allington, chronic boozer and aging lothario who is busy arranging a three-in-a-bed session with wife Joyce and mistress Diana. Clientèle include food critics, the ghosts of a young woman and a 17th century black magician, the Green Man and even God.
Ramsey Campbell has at least a couple more.
The Jack In The Green in 'Merry May' (populated by crazed Morris Dancers and their sex-starved wives) and Knowsley's
The Viscount ('Root Cause') "which became increasingly vulgar as letters were filched from its name."
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SeveranceGreat idea for a thread - I've almost finished Brian Ball's cracking little read
The Venomous Serpent and there's a definite contender in the local Stymead pub.
Pub;
The Black Nigget, Stymead, Peak District.
Source; Brian Ball
The Venomous Serpent (NEL Horror #3)Proprietor/Landlord; Arthur Meggitt, small & slight, no teeth, week-old stubble, bushy red-grey hair, penchant for collarless shirts. Reads the racing pages.
Staff; None.
Clientele; None in evidence
In-house entertainment; None in evidence, though local bitter is excellent. Certain reluctance to open.
Pub Scout; Andrew Thomas
Memorable Quotes; "Bloody fancy town drinks","Sodding townies."
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VictoriaDem, this one's been bothering me for ages. What is the name of the landlord in "The Wicker Man"? I can't seem to find it, other than "Willow's Father"- it would be great to get a surname for a landlord who:
1. Perverts the cause of justice.
2. Practically "pimps" his own daughter in the name of the Summerisle "religion".
3. Allows folk music and acrobatics to take place in his hostellry. I personally enjoy both one at a time. But together- man alive!
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funkdoobyIsn't the landlord's name Alder MacGregor?
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SeveranceAlder McGregor - as played by Lindsay Kemp, well-respected avant-garde mime artist and ballet dancer.
There's this odd paragraph in Allan Brown's excellent
Inside the Wicker Man concerning him.
"Kemp was also growing increasingly paranoid. The paranoia was fuelled partly by his copious use of drink and drugs, partly by snide comments concerning his acting abilities made by bit players on the film. He socialized rarely with the cast, mingling instead with technicians and locals, who warmed to him despite his off-duty attire of yellow kaftan and red Moroccan hooded robe (and, on occasions, a handbag)."
Now that I've finished
The Venomous Serpent, Arthur will probably have to be disqualified. After his surly, initial display of indifference, he ends up being one of the good guy's right at the end. Oh well, I'm sure there are plenty more around.
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SteveI've been asked to pass this message on;
"As a regular at The Black Nigget in Stymead for over 30 years, I'd like to complain in the strongest possible terms about the wholly unfair treatment received by Mr. Arthur Meggitt on your forum arrangement.
I've known Arthur since 1974 (when there was that bit of unpleasantness with the brass rubbings) and let me tell you - he was a miserable old b*stard then and he's still a miserable old b*stard now.
Your competition is clearly stated to be for the worst pub landlord - not the most evil - and, as someone who's had to put up with Arthur all these years, I can assure you that as a landlord he's absolutely sh*te.
Thank you."
See? Now look what you've done - you've gone and upset the locals. It's alright for you, but I've still got to drink round here...
