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Post by dem on Dec 18, 2013 6:43:44 GMT
 chrissie!You see it, but you don't believe it! Yet another audaciously original thread title from Vault, the home of innovation! And what exactly is a Vault Stocking Thriller? No idea, but I'm sure we'll think of something wretched. In the meantime, here's the first, and, it is to be hoped, last of them .... ADVERTISEMENT They said it was too awful to publish!
They said it was too awful even for Vault!
They were right.
Ladies and gentlemen, under no circumstances should you download ..... But who would perpetrate such a crime against .... everything? I think he - or she - may have let slip one or two clues. CAN YOU GUESS THE MYSTERY AUTHOR? |
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Post by pulphack on Dec 18, 2013 10:39:02 GMT
I think we all know who the mystery man is, and it's good to see him back. Funniest thing for ages. I would like to be like Mr Staines. Except I'm the one who's fatter.
Lovely drawing, too, Chrissie.
Peace on earth and good will to men? F&*$ that, you c"£*, as Medford might say.
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Post by Jojo Lapin X on Dec 18, 2013 11:03:11 GMT
I particularly appreciated that there were two (incidental) characters named "Tom." I have often remarked to myself that while in real life you know lots of people with the same name, you rarely see it in fiction. It lent the story an uncommon verisimilitude.
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Post by dem on Dec 18, 2013 14:26:34 GMT
I think we all know who the mystery man is, and it's good to see him back. Funniest thing for ages. I would like to be like Mr Staines. Except I'm the one who's fatter. Hi Mr. Bugg. If you're thinking of our friend Mark 'Pitbull' S., then you've nailed the wrong man! The mystery author, while quite clearly a disciple of Mark's notorious Millwall FC head-case, is an altogether different entity and - frightening thought - we should perhaps view Daffodil Bitch Killer: Part 1 as a "tribute." Incidentally, word reaches us of a new titan of football-themed horror. Watch out for the terror of the terraces, Vince Grinstead! |
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Post by pulphack on Dec 18, 2013 18:24:30 GMT
Shocked and stunned! The pitbull has his own tribute band? Excellent. A very good one at that - I hope there is more to come from Mr Anonymous (or Ms, 'coz we all know birds are capable these days, guv). Having said that, come back from your exile if you read this, pitbull - we miss you, old son. Really.
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Post by dem on Dec 18, 2013 18:49:11 GMT
Shocked and stunned! The pitbull has his own tribute band? Excellent. A very good one at that - I hope there is more to come from Mr Anonymous (or Ms, 'coz we all know birds are capable these days, guv). Having said that, come back from your exile if you read this, pitbull - we miss you, old son. Really. Seconded. Every word. |
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Post by dem on Dec 24, 2013 8:40:43 GMT
HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!!  Chrissie DemantIn the unlikely event of your suffering Advent Calendar withdrawal symptoms until we next return from the grave, here's an emergency Vault stocking friller to get by on. Relax, it's innocuous, but I urge you never to download it! Also, anyone else care to hazard a guess as to the identity of the dastardly 'Daffodil Bitch Killer', or is the culprit to go unmasked? Best swishes and bloody kisses dem bones xxxxx |
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Post by mcannon on Dec 24, 2013 9:28:56 GMT
While I'm way behind in the Advent Calendar reading and my chances of catching up in the remaining few hours of Christmas Eve are limited, particularly given that I'm drinking a bottle of 9.5% imperial Russian Stout), nevertheless my thanks to all the contributors, and particularly to Dem for managing the whole wonderful exercise once again.
I'm actually off to a family funeral on the 27th - an uncle who passed away last weekend after a long illness - and it's really quite wonderful what a comforting distraction some nice, gruesome horror fiction can be during this season of Compulsory Cheer. Once again, my thanks and appreciation to all involved.
Mark
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Post by ripper on Dec 24, 2013 13:59:19 GMT
A very happy and peaceful Christmas to everyone on the forum.
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Post by dem on Dec 24, 2013 18:45:24 GMT
I'm actually off to a family funeral on the 27th - an uncle who passed away last weekend after a long illness - and it's really quite wonderful what a comforting distraction some nice, gruesome horror fiction can be during this season of Compulsory Cheer. Once again, my thanks and appreciation to all involved. Mark I'm sorry to hear of your loss, Mark. Thank you for all the support you've shown us, and hope you enjoyed your drink! A very happy and peaceful Christmas to everyone on the forum. Have a good one, Rip. Can't believe we've managed to keep this going for eight of them! |
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Post by Shrink Proof on Dec 25, 2013 9:44:20 GMT
A cool Yule to all and particular thanks to Dem for all the work through the year.
Here's hoping that 2014 comes up with the goods...
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Post by Craig Herbertson on Dec 25, 2013 10:23:45 GMT
Merry Christmas one an all with special thanks to Dem and the inimitable Chrissie for all the work throughout the year and of course this years wonderful Advent calendar
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Post by andydecker on Dec 25, 2013 11:30:12 GMT
Merry Christmas to everyone on the board. Have a good time!
And a special THANK YOU to Dem and his helpers for all his work and efforts, especially the Advent calendar. That was fun. |
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Post by cauldronbrewer on Dec 25, 2013 15:16:07 GMT
While I'm way behind in the Advent Calendar reading and my chances of catching up in the remaining few hours of Christmas Eve are limited, particularly given that I'm drinking a bottle of 9.5% imperial Russian Stout), nevertheless my thanks to all the contributors, and particularly to Dem for managing the whole wonderful exercise once again. I've fallen behind as well--something about the holiday season and having two young children--and am still back with "The Devil Plant." I'm looking forward to reading the rest. In the meantime, however, I've been enjoying the excellent illustrations. I also took a few minutes to read the latest epic from Mr. Staines. It was one of the funniest--excuse me, most terrifying--things I've read in a while. Thanks to Dem and the contributors, and Merry Christmas to all. |
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Post by dem on Dec 25, 2013 19:10:53 GMT
I've fallen behind as well--something about the holiday season and having two young children--and am still back with "The Devil Plant." I'm looking forward to reading the rest. In the meantime, however, I've been enjoying the excellent illustrations. I also took a few minutes to read the latest epic from Mr. Staines. It was one of the funniest--excuse me, most terrifying--things I've read in a while. Thanks to Dem and the contributors, and Merry Christmas to all. It is to be hoped the award-winning evil genius responsible for Daffodil Bitch Killer steps forward to take a well-deserved bow. Thank you for the kind words Craig, Andy, Messrs. Brewer and Proof, but honest, this board runs itself. If it weren't for the increasingly persistent spammers, bless 'em, there'd be nowt for me to do. This board has been extremely lucky in that, from the first, we somehow attracted a small but enthusiastic and tolerant band of regulars - You. Vault is the sum of its contributors, be they bibliographer, reviewer, author, artist, anthologist, commentator, book lover, reader, fan. I'm its garbageman, very proud of that fact, and I dearly hope you are enjoying the day! |
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