John L. Probert - Nine Deaths Of Dr. Valentine

[dem]

When I said Christmas came yesterday, that was before my increasingly terror-stricken postman arrived ten minutes ago, bearing a package from the Right Hon. Lord John Llewellyn Probert and the divine Lady Thana containing .... oh, my goodness!

John Llewellyn Probert - The Nine Deaths Of Dr. Valentine (Spectral Press, 2012)

J.D. Busch


Blurb
Someone is killing doctors in the style of the murders in Vincent Price movies. The Bristol police are baffled. The only man who could possibly be responsible died years ago. Or did he…..?”



Thank you both so, so much for such a kind and touching gesture! And thank you too for the very beautiful inscriptions (plural) . It has been great and very rewarding fun compiling the calendar, but after a months worth of reading almost continuously from a screen, am so looking forward to getting back to lovely old-fashioned physical books and magazines, and The Nine Deaths of Dr. Valentine looks an absolute stunner. . Not to mention

[Johnlprobert]

Wow that got there quickly! Excellent - we both hope you enjoy it!

(And that Monkey lets go of it long enough for you to read it)

[dem]

After a rewarding but eye watering month of reading almost entirely from a screen, have been finding it surprisingly difficult to readjust to beloved physical books, but if anything can cure me it's this riotous romp.

It begins when the police cut down a charred corpse from the Clifton Suspension Bridge, identity initially difficult to ascertain on account of the fancy dress costume now good as spot-welded to his bones. Bed-hopping Dr. Evan Pritchard is next, lured to a highly improbable, balloon-assisted doom on promise of wedding anniversary hanky panky. Hardly has Pritchard been shovelled and scraped into a body-bagged, than pester-power from the little girls sees a reluctant Dr. Martin Davies blow out his hot date for a fatal visit to Bristol Zoo and Captain Clowney's Creepy Crawley Creature Feature .... Clearly, whoever is reforming the NHS from the top down has gone to lunatic lengths - hand-painting 57 deadly scorpions is not a task undertaken lightly.

Much to the delight of a media bent on whipping up usual helpful mass hysteria, Detective Inspector Jeffrey Longdon and sidekick, Sergeant Jenny Newham, have absolutely nothing to go on until pathologist Richard Patterson at least establishes a link between the murders - or rather, his daughter, an avid horror fan (likely of the benign, non-creepy variety, but let's take nothing for granted) identifies a Vincent Price connection. But who would go to the trouble and ludicrous expense of emulating Dr. Phibes just to destroy a few randy medical men?

Meanwhile, back at the Hospital: "Dr. Parsons? I think Miss Findyson's bowels have had a good result from that enema." So what, thinks Dr. Lorraine Parsons, who has more pressing matters to attend, such as her massive gambling debts and an invite from Lavenham Productions to participate in a one-off reality TV show ....

to be continued ...

[dem]

Dr. Parsons' pleasant and financially lucrative afternoon in the Somerset countryside is spectacularly terminated by Matthew Hopkins (an inspired variation on Maggie Kimberley's horrific end in Witchfinder General and my favourite chapter in the book). An exasperated Longdon has his patience tested beyond endurance by Stanley Saunders, crotchety old git and world's foremost authority on all things Vincent Price, before the spiffing Jenny discovers the link between the victims. Ten years ago, they comprised the medical team unable to save the life of Victoria, an eleven year old dragged from the river after the car driven by her surgeon father, Dr. Edward Valentine, went off the road. His body was never recovered.

Alas, this crucial information is of no help to Dr Jasper Morgan, whose passion for religious architecture has taken him to a tiny Welsh church. Soon he has reason to regret accepting the old rector's kind offer to try on the Bishop's chair for size ...
With safe-houses at a premium, Longdon persuades Patterson to volunteer his remote country pile as a bolt-hole for Valentine's remaining targets, Doctors Marsden and Skilbeck. Holed up in that fortress of a house with around the clock police surveillance, they will surely keep them from harm until the mad genius can be run to ground .....

How invigorating to start 2013 with an early 'best of year' contender! If you've read (or heard) John's Two For Dinner, then imagine a pacey, vignette-driven 66 pager cut from similar cloth and you'll not be too wide of the mark. The only thing 'wrong' with Nine Deaths ... is its limited availability, and I so hope that a Stephen Jones or Ellen Datlow revive it for a mass market anthology. Dr. Valentine, in his many fiendish manifestations, deserves the appreciation of the widest possible audience!

[dem]

Bonus material

If you've read JLP's previous books, you'll know he invariably rounds them off with lively, frequently hilarious story notes. In this instance things are slightly different. The appendix - which, I believe is exclusive to the hardcover - is devoted entirely to The Nine Films Of Dr. Valentine, an appreciation, with occasional autobiographical interludes, of the Vincent Price flicks which first sparked the very young, pre-Knighthood John's love of the horror genre. There's also a rather fetching photo of the author dressed as Dr. Phibes. A consultation of his Lordship's ace horror movie blog, John Llewellyn Probert's House of Mortal Cinema, will give you a shrewd idea of what's on offer.

And that is my business with the wonderful, thoroughly beastly Mr. Edward Valentine concluded for the time being. I hereby solemnly swear never again to say nasty things about numbered, ridiculously limited editions with silk bookmarks, at least, not until the next one by somebody whose work I can't stand comes along. i'm only fucking human.

[gloomy sundae]

What the ...? My God, they've let him out again! Click HERE to watch trailer for John Llewellyn Probert's new novella, The Hammer of Dr Valentine, (Spectral Press, Dec. 2014).

[ohthehorror]

I just finished reading the kindle version. It was a blast. Very entertaining, and the bonus section of movie reviews at the end was a very nice surprise. I very much enjoyed it, and at £1.98 it must be the bargain of the year! And of course, having it instantly appear before me within seconds of clicking 'buy' is yet another bonus. 

[dem]

Dec 29, 2014 16:29:38 GMT ohthehorror said:

I just finished reading the kindle version. It was a blast. Very entertaining, and the bonus section of movie reviews at the end was a very nice surprise. I very much enjoyed it, and at £1.98 it must be the bargain of the year! And of course, having it instantly appear before me within seconds of clicking 'buy' is yet another bonus. 

And here's x-rated footage of Dr. Valentine in person, graciously threatening the world with his BFS award for best novella of 2013.

Lord Probert: Acceptance speech

[dem]

John Llewellyn Probert - The Hammer Of Dr. Valentine (Snowbooks, 2016)

Blurb:
It had been two years since Dr. Edward Valentine's murderous rampage saw nine medical practitioners murdered in a series of elaborate deaths; each one inspired by deaths from within Vincent Price films.
Now, with the silhouette of Castell Coch providing a suitably fitting background, the body of Dr. Valentine's next victim is catapulted into the darkened mouth of the Welsh valley. Having been meticulously arranged to ensure the moment of death is just as he wants it, the still-living body of his victim lands squarely on a heavy golden cross placed at the very bottom ofthe gaping valley.

How far will Valentine go with his murderous campaign this time around...?

The uncredited cover artwork may not be quite as to-die-for as the Nick Gucker wraparound adorning the ill-fated Spectral Press edition (below), but a massive thank you to Snowbooks for reissuing the Right Hon. Lord Probert's novella in an affordable (£4.99) paperback edition.

Nick Gucker

[dem]

So what has the dastardly old scoundrel been up to since last we met? Seething over his press coverage, is what, notably a deplorable multi-authored cash-in on the murders published as The Nine Deaths Of Dr. Valentine, editor Mr. John Spalding, the celebrated film critic. You may think a megalomaniac serial killer of the most theatrical stripe could rise above such negative items as Dr. Death - The Mad Medic Who Slew His Own Kind - why is a chap of his intelligence lining the pockets of the Expr*ss, Ma*l and the don't-buy-the-S*n? - but the bad doctor is only human. Truth is, he's in a terrible tizzy about it, and we know what happens when Dr. Valentine gets upset. These wretches must learn the error of their spiteful ways and if it requires a second series of over elaborate, highly improbable torture murders to learn 'em, so much the better!

A lesser mortal (e.g., everyone) would merely pick up where they left off, continue to seek inspiration from Vincent Price's bloodiest movie roles, but they'll be expecting that, and, besides, Dr. Valentine is never the man to dine out on past glories, certainly not when he has an encyclopaedic knowledge of Hammer Horror films to exploit.

As we learned in the previous novella, life is one continuous fancy dress party for Edward Valentine - the same applies to his recently acquired and (of course) scandalously beautiful sidekick, 'Christina' - and he has an eye for choosing appropriately striking locations to perpetuate his outrageous crimes, so look out St. Paul's cathedral, Castell Coch, a disused Public School, a shady back street off the British Museum, 'Dr. Terror's Haunted Cornish Funfair' & Co. Mr. Spalding and his street of shame cronies David Bradshaw, Miss Margaret 'Mags' Upchurch, Michael Brennan, Francesca Warren, Mr. 'Don't call me Tony' Hannah, and Martin Peyton had better watch their p's and q's.

When the initial murders (a ghastly impalement and a live mummification plus extras) are linked, Detective Inspector Jeffrey Longdon, the force's official #1 misery guts, is dragged kicking and screaming from semi-retirement in a sleepy Cornish idyll to head the investigation. Castigated in the media for his failure to apprehend the Doctor following the initial murder spree, he has no love for those whose lives he is now duty-bound to protect, and it further irks him that, one by one, the slimy bastards contrive to die as horribly as possible. The DI has learnt much from the previous case, but will it be enough?

"I would hate to disappoint my public."? There was never a chance of that. And to plonk a cherry on the top, a bonus feature, The Hammer Films Of Dr. Valentine to send us all away wanting more.

If, as is to be hoped, Dr. Valentine returns for a third bloodbath (a cryptic sign off suggests he and Christina are relocating to Venice), I consider it my public duty to remind him that several odious LBC presenters, past and present, have yet to be brought to book for the absolutely scurrilous allegations broadcast during his initial reign of terror.

[ripper]

I recently purchased the Kindle version of Nine Deaths of Dr Valentine and polished it off in a single sitting. I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed it. As a fan of Vincent Price's work, it was great fun to figure out which film was the inspiration for each of Dr Valentine's killings. I really liked the mood of Lord P's novella. I thought he captured nicely the feel of Price's films, particularly Theatre of Blood and the two Phibes. I shall definitely be buying Hammer of Dr Valentine to see what the not-so-good doctor gets up to in the sequel.

[fritzmaitland]

Heh! I'm 3 deaths into The 9 Deaths Of Dr Valentine and it's a corker. The reveal of the first death is remarkable, and the costume that was burned away a nod towards the character depicted on the back of the paperback. The second even more elaborate, and the third was so ultra-creepy and brilliantly done,I'm still shivering.

[dem]

Sept 26, 2020 18:21:23 GMT fritzmaitland said:

Heh! I'm 3 deaths into The 9 Deaths Of Dr Valentine and it's a corker. The reveal of the first death is remarkable, and the costume that was burned away a nod towards the character depicted on the back of the paperback. The second even more elaborate, and the third was so ultra-creepy and brilliantly done,I'm still shivering.

Spooky. Began The Last Temptation of Dr. Valentine late last night, finished it just before logging in ...

John Llewellyn Probert - The Compleat Valentine (Black Shuck Books, 2019)

The Nine Deaths of Dr Valentine
The Nine Films of Dr Valentine
The Hammer of Dr Valentine
The Hammer Films of Dr Valentine
The Last Temptation of Dr Valentine
The Last Afterword of Dr Valentine

Blurb
Being the complete and unabridged, uncensored, unbelievable exploits of the world's most resourceful and flamboyant serial killer, comprising:

The Nine Deaths of Dr Valentine

Someone is killing doctors in the style of the murders from Vincent Price movies, leaving the Bristol police baffled. The only man who could possibly be responsible died years ago. Or did he?

The Hammer of Dr Valentine

Someone is killing the tabloid journalists who reported the original story, and the deaths are all in the style of Hammer Horror Films. Could Dr Valentine be back?

The Last Temptation of Dr Valentine

A Hollywood film company has arrived in Bristol to film The Nine Deaths of Dr Valentine. When crew members start turning up dead in situations similar to classic British horror films, the Bristol police can reach only one conclusion. Their old nemesis has returned.

The Compleat Valentine

All three books in one omnibus edition of the most bizarre, elaborate and startling murders ever committed to paper!

[dem]

"A psychopath with a superiority complex who feels the need to demonstrate his greater intellect to the world at large." The Last Temptation of Dr. Valentine: His Worship's deliciously twisted film crew in peril novel follows the deceptively simple premise of its predecessors. Two years on from the atrocities perpetuated on the multiple-authors of The Nine Deaths Of Dr. Valentine, the world, it seems, has not yet learned its lesson. As if that terrible book were not insult enough, now something called American Enterprises Pictures are arranging to film the abomination - on English soil. Dr. Valentine - ably assisted by the magnificent Christina - begins his campaign in flamboyant style aboard a Great Western train destined for King's Cross. Marcie Conran, assistant location manager, meets her grisly end in a fashion suggesting the killer is a fan of a certain 'seventies horror movie. When Conran's colleague, Ryan Patrick, is delivered to the hotel aboard a truck (my pick of the murders), Detective Sergeant Jenny Newham is in no doubt that their old nemesis is back in business. Can she again prize former-Inspector Jeffrey Longdon from retirement to do battle with the diabolical genius? It's the paciest read - set piece follows set piece follows set piece, personal favourite episodes include Longron's attempt to deliver a public appeal before a particularly nightmarish Question Time audience, the Psychomania and Dead of Night tribute murders, and the outrageous Wicker Man meets Quatermass and the Pit extravaganza.

[fritzmaitland]

Back to the Nine Deaths, and after the protracted clearing up of number 3 (venom does tend to swell the body) death number 4 proves as elaborate as its predecessors.The pathologist has a daughter who's a confirmed horror film fan and has filled in her dad on the cinematic basis for the first trio of killings.While Bristol Old Bill are mulling this over, the next doc, Lorraine Parsons, an inveterate gambler, is lured to her doom via a dash of Theatre Of Blood, a bucket of Witchfinder General and a finale worthy of Pan 8. Eurgh!