glampunk
Crab On The Rampage
gloompunk; glitter goth: disciple of Rikki Nadir: demonik in disguise, etc.
Posts: 61
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Post by glampunk on Apr 9, 2008 0:14:50 GMT
Number 1 in a brill new series that is unlikely to reach #2 ! Great Bad TV Sit-Coms Of The SEVENTIES: Reg Varney the Vampire in On The Buses The misadventures of affable, mini-skirt chasing Stan Butler (Reg Varney the Vampyre) who drives the number 11 Bus from the Luxton depot to the Cemetery Gates, partnered by shark-faced conductor, crafty Jack Harper (Bob Grant). When it comes to pulling dolly birds with big knockers there's only one winner! Randy Jack gets to snog the face off any looker who comes within their orbit because he's so sex on legs but poor Stan invariably grabs defeat from the jaws of victory as, although the new clippies and other bosomy beauties make it their business to nearly fall into his clutches on a weekly basis, they soon find out what he's like, effortlessly outsmart him and dampen his ardour before he can do any damage - even the really ditzy blond ones! Talk about "the story of my life"! To add to the side-splitting fun, both Stan and Jack the Lad are forever playing pranks on/ falling foul of their would-be nemesis, Inspector Blake (Stephen Lewis, aka 'Blakey', 'Hitler': catch-phrases: "I hate you, Butler!", "I'll get you for this, Butler!"), but it's only Stan who's threatened with the sack. Jack gets away with everything and strolls off cackling his really annoying laugh! Top mate he is! Other regulars are Stan's family. If Jack and the lugubrious 'Blakey' have somehow contrived not to ruin his love life for another week, Stan can always rely on this terrible trio to do the job for them. He dreams of a place of his own to take the birds home to but, as sole provider, he's trapped in a singularly hideous council flat with his well-meaning but interfering old Mum (Doris Hare), whining, rotund sister Olive (Anna Karen) and brother-in-law 'Arfur' (Michael Robbins), a miserable tight git who's has had an operation which he doesn't like us to mention! Amazingly, the first of three spin-off movies for Hammer became the top grossing British film for 1971. Classic episode: On The Buses - The Football Match (March, 1973) Blakey is trying to recruit volunteers to play for the depot's football team, the Luxton Lions, in a crunch match with the Basildon Bashers. Stan and Jack the amorous piranha aren't up for it until they learn that there's a £5 win bonus! Scheming Stan recruits Arsenal's Bob McNab to their line up - let's see how the Bashers get on against a real pro! Unfortunately, after a pitiful demonstration of his keepy-up juggling skills, Bob is injured in training - Stan's fault - so Olive has to stand in for him (Arthur would have but he's had an 'operation', let none of us forget)! Also, due to the usual "hilarious mix up", the Lions have been pitted versus a women's team - a dolly bird/ scary monster amalgam at that! Baggy shorted play maker Stan and the boys reckon the money's as good as theirs, but how will they fare against a team who all play "two up front"? If only they'd thought to do a 'haunted house' episode! For more, check out the splendid On The Buses Tribute Site, from which I shamelessly "borrowed" the smaller (i.e., clear) image ! You'll find more captures from 'The Football Match' (and every other episode) at the same place!
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Post by Calenture on Apr 9, 2008 8:10:45 GMT
To add to the side-splitting fun... I heard a rumour that someone was paid for writing this. Unsubstantiated, of course. The other thing missing from Vampire On the Buses apparently is any mention of a vampire... But at last Vault reaches its nadir, horror beyond which there can be no more. No. Wait. I just remembered Love Thy Neighbour. No! I really didn't say that, Dem! P.S. You forgot the usual Arfur and Ollive "spanner in the bed joke."
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Post by franklinmarsh on Apr 9, 2008 11:19:58 GMT
Was Britain really like this? I was just about to launch into a diatribe against OTB when I remembered that it wasn't that long ago that I found a video of the second (Hammer) film Mutiny On The Buses (featuring Windsor Safari Park as seen in The Omen - now Legoland) and thoroughly enjoyed it.
I hope you're going to cover Love Thy Neighbour, Nearest and Dearest, Man About The House, George And Mildred , Father Dear Father and That's Your Funeral, Glamster. Don't worry about Please, Sir!
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glampunk
Crab On The Rampage
gloompunk; glitter goth: disciple of Rikki Nadir: demonik in disguise, etc.
Posts: 61
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Post by glampunk on Apr 9, 2008 12:29:49 GMT
. But at last Vault reaches its nadir, horror beyond which there can be no more. Don't be so defeatist, Cal! If we all pull together i'm sure there are even darker depths of wretchedness to plumb. Actually, I've set aside my taped-from-the-telly video of the seminal Don't Just Lie There, Say Something for tonight's viewing. If that can't inspire me I don't know what will. Speaking of "inspiration", from the Unutterably horrible! Film of hit TV series! thread on old board: I'm talking the truly awful, made-on-a-budget-of-27p SEVENTIES exploitation jobs here.
I recently saw a repeat of the George And Mildred movie which doubled as a murder mystery - compared to some of the worst offenders it was Apocalypse Now.
Who hasn't been driven to seek therapy after accidental contact with Are You Being Served?, the Dick Emery bum-fest Ooh, you are awful!, or the sacrilegious dumbing down of On The Buses for the big screen? What is there to be said for the almost pathologically unhilarious Love Thy Neighbour vehicle?
Tons more, many of them bloody Hammer productions. Nearest And Dearest, Man About The House ...
Discuss. Or not, as the case may be. I met that Anna Karen about ten years back. To tie in with the Barbican's Hammer season, the Mirror ran a "what country did Dracula come from?" competition. First five correct entries out of the bag won tickets to the Gala Reception for Hammer At The Barbican and a chance to chew the fat with C. Lee, Ingrid Pitt and other top stars at a lavish backstage party. Incredibly, not only did the bride and me guess the right answer, we actually won! It was an evening of two halves, really. The first, being plied with red wine in between celebrity scalp-hunting ( C. Lee and Ingrid didn't wish to mingle with the great unwashed just then and had a desk outside where all the little common people stood patiently in line for a scribbled something) and renewing acquaintance with such Vampyre Soc./ Drac Soc friends and enemies who'd blagged tickets, was OK, the highlight being when I met 'Olive' in the flesh! She was lovely! No airs and graces about her unlike some I could mention. In red. She chatted, told us how she was getting on, said nice things about our "look", etc. If we'd left then, or, at least, directly after C. Lee had grumpily scrawled his best to something called "Bat", Ms. Pitt similar, all would have been well. Unfortunately, we opted to stay for C. Lee given his introduction to the night's film, Dracula, which he always makes a drama out of telling us he despises so much unless there's a paying gig in it for him, and ..... What happened next? I'm gonna be a total bastard for a change and not tell you! But ..... I still wake up screaming.
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Post by carolinec on Apr 9, 2008 13:32:12 GMT
I wonder if now is the time to tell you folks that I'm really quite a fan of 60s/70s sitcoms .....?
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Post by Johnlprobert on Apr 9, 2008 16:03:38 GMT
Glampunk - your Hammer adventures have had me chuckling away. Having had siome experience of such events myself I'd be very "interested" to know what happened next.
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glampunk
Crab On The Rampage
gloompunk; glitter goth: disciple of Rikki Nadir: demonik in disguise, etc.
Posts: 61
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Post by glampunk on Apr 9, 2008 17:52:51 GMT
Ah, well John, it had nothing whatsoever to do with C. Lee. Let us just say that I had a minor disagreement with an American fellow sitting in front of me, he called security. .. Even the Bride thought I was more sinned against on that occasion.
Something that amazes me about Mr. Lee and - on that occasion: I gather she's usually very charming - Ms. Pitt: considering they're such great actors, how comes they can't pretend that it's not a tiresome chore to meet their fans for as long as it takes to scrawl a few signatures? I mean, maybe somebody should have pointed out to C. Lee that a Hammer season may attract the odd person who actually thought he was alright in Dracula? I wouldn't mind, but he was Guest of Honour!
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Post by Craig Herbertson on Apr 9, 2008 18:55:56 GMT
"the plots usually revolved around the twosomes attempts to woo the mini skirted, big-busted female employees who worked as 'Clippies'" on the buses tribute site
The stuff of which dreams are woven.
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Post by carolinec on Apr 9, 2008 19:04:31 GMT
Something that amazes me about Mr. Lee and - on that occasion: I gather she's usually very charming - Ms. Pitt: considering they're such great actors, how comes they can't pretend that it's not a tiresome chore to meet their fans for as long as it takes to scrawl a few signatures? Putting my autograph collecting hat on, I can tell you that there are quite a few "celebs" - actors, sports stars, you name it - who behave that way when signing autographs. I can understand them being annoyed when fans stop them in the street, or even grab them at stage doors, etc, but there are a number of high-profile people whose behaviour at events where they're being paid to meet fans and provide autographs is, quite frankly, awful. I've even heard stories of certain people being nasty to kids requesting autographs. I have to say, though, that I've never met a writer who's behaved that way. They always seem to be the nicest people. Nevertheless, Dem, I'm really envious of your in person Chris Lee autograph.
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glampunk
Crab On The Rampage
gloompunk; glitter goth: disciple of Rikki Nadir: demonik in disguise, etc.
Posts: 61
|
Post by glampunk on Apr 9, 2008 19:46:56 GMT
I feel a bit sheepish to admit that I treasure it so much I have no idea where I've put it. Anyway, back to Reg Varney the Vampyre. Has anyone seen Go For A Take (1972), 'cause I haven't and it sounds really rubbish! He and a crony - Leonard Rossiter, I think - are on the run from a vicious crime syndicate or something and hole up in a film studio where they have an encounter with .... Dracula! Or perhaps, it's just somebody dressed up. Like I said, I've not seen it, worst luck.
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Post by franklinmarsh on Apr 9, 2008 19:51:32 GMT
Sure I saw this one Sunday afternoon. Norman Rossington as the mate? Can't remember any Draculas. It was pretty desperate.
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Post by Craig Herbertson on Apr 9, 2008 20:01:30 GMT
I think I saw it - must have shocked the system and wiped out my memory
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Post by Johnlprobert on Apr 9, 2008 20:41:35 GMT
I've seen Go for a Take twice! Reg & Norman Rossington have escaped from gang boss Patrick Newell and hide out on a film set. During the inevitable chase at the end they blunder onto the set of a Dracula movie - Dennis Price is Dracula & Julie Ege is his victim.
Of interest only to fans of low-budget 70s British crud
Form an orderly line over there, please.
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Post by pulphack on Apr 10, 2008 9:19:23 GMT
am i first in the queue?
go for a take is terrible, but bizarre to see dennis price obviously pissed as a parrot and wondering what he's doing (he looks almost as bad in horror hospital and those jess franco dracula/frankenstein movies he did at the same time) and the little girl with the tiger from the double deckers in the same film. reg varney did another movie called the best pair of legs in the business, where he played a down-at-heel drag act, and that was actually really good in a grimy sort of way.
on the buses is pretty terrible now (anyone with men and motors can check it out, as well as please sir! and the first couple of doctor series - they're on the one with barry evans at the moment. these are better because the writers were of a higher quality, but even they flag...), but the first b&w series is odd for fans of british light comedy pre-war (er, guilty) as it has cecily courtenidge as mum, and not doris hare. our cec was the wife of jack hulbert, hoofer, singer and comic, and they were middle class doyens of musical theatre - so how did she end up on that? she obviously decided not to stick around as she didn't diw until the mid/late seventies, but was gone by the second series of OTB.
i remember seeing OTB filming some exterior garage scenes at the old green line bus garage in wood green, about 1972-ish. there's an episode where reg drives around with a dog in the cab (this, i think, passed for plot back then), and they were filming for this as i remember the dog. the bus garage later became a squatted anarcho-punk venue, then a carpet warehouse, and is now a pentecostal church. make what you will of this...
yes, frank, it was like that in the 70's... although as we were kids then, how much of what we remember was coloured by the TV we watched?
man about the house - THE sit-com. not 'cos it's funny, but because i wanted to be robin living with chrissie and jo (woo-hoo!). though it is quite funny in parts, mostly because of the brilliant yootha joyce and brian murphy (though george and mildred - like jason king from dept s - mised the ppint that they shone because they were the relief and used sparingly, and couldn't carry a whole show). the film is good 'cos it has that bit where they're in the thames studios and it gets self-referential in the thames bar with jack smethhust and rudolph walker. post-modernism, anyone?
anyway, this crud is what shaped a generation. critics don't like that, but it's a simple truth. it's crud because it had to be dashed out quickly, and so quality could suffer in every department, esepcially when there was no money in the first place. but it had vitality, and captured something of the age, for all its faults.
now, let's skip the confession films and get onto the real meat - the adventures trilogy!
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Post by Johnlprobert on Apr 10, 2008 17:38:38 GMT
I'll stand your adventures trilogy (Taxi driver, Private Eye & Plumber's Mate if I remember correctly) and raise you She'll Follow You Anywhere - Keith Barron & Kenneth Cope are scientists who develop an aftershave that makes them irresistible to women - from the company that would go on to make 'the Asphyx' and 'Crucible of Terror'
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