Mark Ronson - Beaver Book Of Horror

[dem bones]

Mark Ronson (ed.) - The Beaver Book Of Horror Stories (Beaver, 1981, 1984)

Cover photograph: John Knights

Introduction: ‘Not Of This World’ - Mark Ronson

Ray Bradbury - The Man Upstairs
William Hope Hodgson - The Voice In The Night
Joan Aiken - Who Goes Down This Dark Road?
John Buchan - The Wind In The Portico
R. E. Alexander - The Aerophobes
H. P. Lovecraft - Pickman’s Model
Paul Ernst - The Thing In The Pond
Fitz-James O’Brien - What Was It?
Clark Ashton Smith - The Seed From The Sepulchre
Mark Ronson - Changeling

Blurb:

What is the creeping grey horror that lurks in the middle of the Pacific Ocean?

How can golden specks of dust turn men and women into ruthless killers?

Whose are the invisible bony hands that lock around a man’s throat as he lies in bed?

The Beaver imprint was aimed at children. This horror collection probably was too, although it says “for older readers” on the back. The pulps are well represented with the most pleasant surprise being a revival of Paul “Dr. Satan” Ernst’s slime-oozing classic, The Thing In The Pond.

Ronson is also Marc Alexander, author of several non-fiction ghost gazetteers.

[dem bones]

Managed all of two pages of recent charity shop find Pride And Prejudice And Zombies before the hilarious joke wore threadbare, thought "I can't be doing with this!", grabbed the nearest available paperback from the shelf which, as luck would have it, was this surprisingly pulp-heavy selection for young adults, edited by sometime purveyor of Hamlyn nasties, Mark Ronson. The Lovecraft, Bradbury, Hodgson and O'Brien stories have been commented upon by various hands, but i'm not so sure we've had a look at the remainder.

Paul Ernst - The Thing In The Pond: (Astounding Stories, June 1934)

C. R. Thomson

"Alive, but not alive! Frightful, blind growth, as vital and indestructible as the living ooze!" Ten years ago, Professor Weidbold, the benign mad scientist, dismissed his surly servant, Sam Klegg. Klegg took his revenge by dumping vast quantities of chemicals and a slice of chicken heart into a marshy puddle known locally as Greer's Pond. Over recent weeks, stories of the thing in the pond have become a tabloid sensation but to the Professor it is no laughing matter. First little Spot the Spaniel was eaten, now Mr. Raeburn's prize cow has gone missing. Raeburn reminds him that this part of Florida is lynching country.

The Prof. calls upon his former pupil, Gordon Sharpe, big-game hunter for help. Sharpe shows up with an elephant gun, assures the old man not to worry, it's likely just an oversized 'gator, nothing he hasn't handled countless times in Africa. Sharpe lures the thing from it's murky home with a rasher of bacon, and both men watch in horror as the pink, fleshy mass drags itself out of the slime and crawls toward them .....

Joan Aiken - Who Goes Down This Dark Road?: Six year old Amanda King is the most punctual, best-behaved girl in Mr. Thorneycroft's class, noted for her "shiny, neat and symmetrically plaited" blond hair - until she hacks most of it off and buries it in the back garden. The new look doesn't suit at all, but, as she patiently explains to her teacher, she had to get rid of her plaits as there are people living on top of her head, namely a tribe of ancient Gauls running from Caesar. Recently one of their Druids has prophesied that a great catastrophe will soon befall them. A drunk driver proves him right.

Mark Ronson - Changeling: Another Terror Tales From The Lake District contender, or it would be if it wasn't so Armada Book Of Ghost Stories-lite. I like Mr. Ronson's Hamlyn novels a great deal and his non-fiction Haunted Houses You May Visit is a treat, but this is .... not quite as good. David is holidaying at his relatives' farm in Carlisle when he suddenly decides girls aren't rubbish after all, especially girls as pretty as cousin Janet when she's riding her pony with her long black hair flying everywhere. Janet seems to like him too and the pair go picnicking on the Great Fell. David points out an abandoned old house in the trees, but Janet tells him to forget it, the place was hit by a fireball from outer space, the owner went demented, and now it's occupied by a fanged, demonic entity with strange skin (see cover photograph for chilling artists impression). Schoolboy legend has it that should two people enter the house together, one will be possessed by the demon and hunt down the other. It starts to piss down with rain ....

[Jojo Lapin X]

Feb 18, 2012 12:18:06 GMT dem bones said:

the hilarious joke wore threadbare

I am hoping there will still be an audience for my WUTHERING HEIGHTS WITH HIPPOPOTAMUSES, though.

[cauldronbrewer]

I have no interest in reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I am tempted, however, by the movie adaptation of Seth Grahame-Smith's follow-up, Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter.

[dem bones]

Feb 18, 2012 13:07:54 GMT cauldronbrewer said:

I have no interest in reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I am tempted, however, by the movie adaptation of Seth Grahame-Smith's follow-up, Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter.

I really do try and give every book comes my way a fighting chance, but Pride & Prejudice & Zombies was shaping up like Kim Newman's lamentable parting brace in Zombie Apocalypse strung out over three hundred and fifty pages. There are limits.

The lovely people at Robinsons sent me a copy of Seth's Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter but it's stuck near bottom of my to read pile, climbing downward as i type. you could be right; both novels might work on screen and may ever have been conceived with that in mind.

[dem bones]

R. E. Alexander - The Aerophobes: Vernon Wells has been acting and talking strangely for days. When he attacks best friend, Mr. Matthews, he leaves him with no alternative but to smash his brain in with an ashtray. Dr. Carfax of the London Central Mortuary examines the corpse, speaks to Matthews, and it's just as he feared. The gold-plated "dust spores" Wells mentioned in his final days were nothing so harmless. He'd been possessed by micro-aliens from the planet Amar. "The Prime Minister must be told at once!"

A meeting is arranged and the Premier is still pissing himself laughing at Carfax's theory when Francis Bell, science teacher and upstanding pillar of the community, throws a bomb into an Earls Court supermarket, killing and maiming several. Soon the vast majority of the world's population are infected and busy butchering their nearest and dearest. Carfax and Matthews set up base at Central Mortuary, but their staff are infiltrated by the invaders and the situation looks hopeless. How do you fight something as tiny as a speck of dust? We are so doomed!

The Amarians come in three varieties. The golden dust particles are by far the more prevalent, then there are the hyper-industrious crab-like entities who perform marvellous feats of architecture, and above these, the 'slug-like worms", thirty meters in length, who come up with all the ideas.

Way more fun than i remember it. No original publication date is given in the acknowledgements and i've been unable to find any reference to it outside of this collection, but I'd not be surprised to learn that 'R. E. Alexander' and Marc Alexander are one and the same.

[dem bones]

Clark Ashton Smith - The Seed From The Sepulchre: James Falmer, professional orchid hunter, explores a burial pit in the Venezuelan jungle where, according to the natives, vast quantities of gold and jewels have been interred. Unfortunately for Falmer and colleague Roderick Thorne, the natives were having him on. There's no treasure, just piles of bones and an appalling man-eating plant taken root in the bones of a human skeleton, eventuality forcing it's way through his skull. Poor bastard must have died in excruciating agony.

Before he can get the hell out of there, a pod bursts, and Falmer is caught full in the face by a cloud of grey dust. As the pair desperately paddle their canoe back toward civilization and medical assistance, the spores of the 'devil plant' take root in his cranium ...

John Buchan - The Wind In The Portico: St Sant, a tiny village near Faxeter, Shropshire. The current Squire Dubellay is the opposite to his predecessors, reclusive, scholarly, not the least interested in the hunt, pheasant-shoots or other top "sports". Consequently he's the subject of much gossip at the local inn, as our narrator, Cambridge Professor Henry Nightingale discovers, when he requests the loan of a rare manuscript. Dubellay agrees on condition Nightingale collect it in person.

Nightingale dislikes the man from the first and worries that he's dealing with a lunatic. Dubellay has let the once grand country-house fall into neglect, grounds similar, and devotes all his time and money to the restoration of a ruined temple to the Celtic God, Vaunus. It's some time before the Squire invites Nightingale inside for a private view, and when he does, Nightingale is appalled, comparing the atmosphere to that of a torture chamber. A particularly unpleasant artefact is a male gorgon's head carved in stone.

Nightingale persuades Dubelley to donate the lot to a museum before his obsession destroys him, but, fatally, the Squire insists on postponing until tonight, Midsummer's Eve, is over, for fear of offending the God.

that's another pair of cracking, full-on horror stories you'd maybe not expect to find in a children's book. It's been plenty fun revisiting this 150 pager and i'm only sad Mr. Ronson wasn't commissioned to edit a whole series.