|
Post by dem bones on Jun 29, 2024 14:21:55 GMT
Hold the front page A Deaf Lady's Appetite AppeasedA DINNER recently given in India was greatly enlivened by the blunder of a native attendant, who poured a dish of peas into the ear trumpet which an old lady held out to him to get a reply to her question. — The Day's Doings, 17 August 1872 Rough Christianity A STRANGER stepped into a village church in North Northumberland one pleasant Sunday, recently, and entering an empty pew, the door of which stood invitingly open, was soon absorbed in his devotions. Meanwhile, the pious owner of the pew came in and, beholding his sanctuary invaded, he seized the intruder by the collar, and jerked him out into the aisle, as you would jerk a school-boy out of your orchard. The stranger thinks that the religious sentiment of these villagers is peculiar. — The Day's Doings, 17 June 1871. The Mysterious PhialWHILE a judge was seated in his chair at the Tombs police court in New York the other day, quietly stroking his heavy moustache, a woman of ragged and uncouth appearance, probably the wife of a Tammany politician, entered. Her eyes rolled, and she looked very excited. Brushing her loose hair with her left hand, and taking a farewell look at the Spartan judge, she plunged her right into the deep pocket of her calico dress. She drew forth a phial, and held it to her lips. Something awful was going to happen. Policeman Barret, possessed of a remarkable degree of presence of mind, rushed up to her, seized the phial, and, to his disgust, found that it was an empty gin-bottle. — The Day's Doings, 20 May 1871 An Actress in a Quandary RECENTLY in the Strand a tall dashing brunette, with the unmistakable air which belongs to all members of the theatrical profession, was hurrying along encumbered in no slight degree by a somewhat bulky bundle. There is always something ludicrous in a pretty woman carrying a bundle especially when the pretty woman seems very careful, and, at the same time, the least bit ashamed of it. Besides, many people are instinctively led to speculate as to its contents. In the present instance, the bearer, although somewhat encumbered by, did not seem in the least ashamed of her burthen, and the speculations which may have evolved themselves in the minds of passing loungers as to its contents, soon had an opportunity of being set at rest for ever in a manner short, sharp, and decisive. For the lady slipped and fell, and with her the bundle, which, bursting open from the shock, scattered its contents around. To raise the lady from her involuntarily horizontal position was but the work of a moment, but it took some time to restore the bundle, which contained a number of theatrical odds and ends peculiar to stage-angels and ballet-girls; amongst them, prominently figuring, a pair of wings such as the spectacular cherub wears, and — a pair of tights. The latter were returned to the young lady by a young swell, who picked them up and presented them with his best bow to their fair owner. The scene was a peculiarly suggestive one, there in the crowded Strand at noonday— and everybody smiled at the tights— except the lady who did not seem the least pleased at the incident. On the contrary. For, to tell the truth, she seemed completely at her wit's end at this unfortunate exposé, and actually appeared to hesitate whether to take them or not. Finally, she made a snatch at them, rolled them up hastily with the rest of her paraphernalia, and hurried off. Whither, we know not, for it would have been cruel under the circumstances to have followed her. — The Day's Doings, 20 July 1872.
|
|