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Post by ripper on Jul 23, 2021 15:21:18 GMT
Returning to my hotel to change into my third outfit of the day, I learned that I'd gotten back just in time, and could count myself lucky, as a curfew was in operation. A giant alligator was terrorizing the city! Join me tomorrow as I hunt the killer beast in the sewers of Chicago, and a famous figure makes a guest appearance! If you are proposing to venture into the sewers, be mindful of giant rats, killer worms and C.H.U.D.s, in addition to alligators. Better take a reinforced parasol with which to chastise the blighters. Have you come across Calamity Jane yet? I believe she was very fond of the Windy City--you'll know the lady by her extravagant costume of buckskin and propensity to burst into song at regular intervals.
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Post by 𝘗rincess 𝘵uvstarr on Jul 23, 2021 19:41:00 GMT
With some concern, discovering that American sewers seem to be packed with creatures, I headed out to face the beast. As the men didn't seem capable. On a map I saw the mighty alligator seemed to prefer the cities Skid Row area for its sustenance, which probably explains why nobody had caught it(I should point out that every city over here has a skid row, and competition is fierce over who has the worst, with cities trying to outdo each other. Chicago had a particularly skid one, and was proud as punch). As I headed for a way in I was accosted by this cities equivalent of the New York "tough", the Chicago "toughie." I saw him off in no time. And so entered my first Windy City sewer...
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Post by 𝘗rincess 𝘵uvstarr on Jul 23, 2021 20:14:15 GMT
I had no idea how to track a "gator" so I just went toward the biggest pong, after around an hour I got lucky: ROAR! (Sound effect) it was the beast itself, I'd found its lair. I felt it was a bit easy, and decided the locals aren't the cleverest of chaps, but then they aren't Imperials, so we must try to understand and be sympathetic. I fired off one shot! Then two! I fired off everything I had! But it seemed impervious to my James Purdey and Sons made gun. How was that possible? They even have a royal warrant, so the Queen herself uses them! It's ok, that's not me that was someone being eaten earlier (I had you worried for a moment, admit it). I thought to myself "Is this the end?" and "Do I still look good after an hour in this stinky sewer" (but not necessarily in that order) as I awaited my inevitable demise. Suddenly there was a noise behind me, startled I turned, was it another of those beasts, of the sort Lord Ripper had warned me about? No! It was England's greatest living hero! Sir Harry Flashman VC! To be continued, where Sir Harry Flashman and myself battle the gator, and I fence England's greatest living hero, with my honour at stake!
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Post by ripper on Jul 24, 2021 10:07:44 GMT
Did I detect a tremour in your typing when you mentioned Sir Harry? Be careful, Princess, that bluff, manly frame and cavalry whiskers have caused many a maiden to swoon.
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Post by 𝘗rincess 𝘵uvstarr on Jul 24, 2021 17:30:58 GMT
"Why it's Princess Tuvstarr, the most beautiful woman in the Empire," Sir Harry (Victoria Cross) said. "World," I corrected him. "Yes," he agreed. Quickly as the alligator approached us he filled me in on how he had gotten here. Apparently he had to slip down a nearby sewer after being caught in a delicate situation with a senior mobster's "Shiela" (Chicago slang for woman). After wandering for a while he had overheard my shots and come to investigate. He complemented me on my choice of make of gun, but I reminded him of the nearby alligator. Her let off both flintlocks that he was carrying in his possession, but it was no use. We were doomed! We both reached for our swords, when there was a flash! No it wasn't Flashman flashing! It was the monster! There was a boom too. Both together made an explosion. By a remarkable stroke of luck, which seems to follow Sir Harry, the creature had eaten a stash of dynamite the local Skid Row mobsters had hidden in a nearby cellar. It turns out it disagreed with the creature quite badly. To the point of blowing it up. I breathed a sigh of relief, but looking down discovered the explosion had stripped away the outer layer of my clothing (1970s British movie scene here). Lifting up my gorgeous face I noticed Sir Harry looking at me strangely. I recognised that look, and reached for my sword, but it was no longer there! The explosion had blown it across the sewer! I was defenceless! Was this it?
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Post by 𝘗rincess 𝘵uvstarr on Jul 24, 2021 17:41:06 GMT
Suddenly there was a noise behind me (again). Startled I turned (again). It was England's other greatest hero! Lord Horatio Ripper VC with Bar! Concerned for my safety he had travelled to the "States" to make sure I was ok! He dismounted his camel and drew his sword. I was saved!
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Post by dem bones on Jul 24, 2021 17:52:37 GMT
It was England's other greatest hero! Lord Horatio Ripper VC with Bar! Concerned for my safety he had travelled to the "States" to make sure I was ok! He dismounted his camel and drew his sword. I was saved! Well played, Ripper!
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Post by 𝘗rincess 𝘵uvstarr on Jul 24, 2021 18:10:54 GMT
OK, so I exaggerated when I said I fenced him, but really he had no chance, so where would be the fun in that? I left the Empire's two greatest heroes to battle it out, took enough alligator skin for my two royal footmen Craig Herbertson and Ramsey Campbell to make me several pairs of shoes, and headed back to my hotel! By the time the duel was over I was oblivous to the outcome, for I was already clear of the Windy City! I'd taken a paddle steamer and was headed for the Niagara Falls, and Canada, the Empire, and Civilisation! My American ordeal was at its end. After crossing into the safety of our great colony, I proceeded to Montreal with all haste to to eat a delicious afternoon tea in the country's finest hotel, as recommended by my librarian, who sadly wasn't able to make it, as she was back in Castle Tuvstarr cataloguing my rare books. Seated, I took the opportunity to overindulge in macaroons, and think back fondly on all my adventures. From there I took the Empire's finest airship home to Grand Fenwick, where my prince had finally come. And I lived Happily Ever After. Obviously. The End.
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Post by ripper on Jul 24, 2021 18:27:52 GMT
Suddenly there was a noise behind me (again). Startled I turned (again). It was England's other greatest hero! Lord Horatio Ripper VC with Bar! Concerned for my safety he had travelled to the "States" to make sure I was ok! He dismounted his camel and drew his sword. I was saved! Glad to be of assistance to a fair maiden of the Empire. I had a heck of a job getting that camel down there...I got the distinct impression it was a beginner at sewer exploration. I suppose it was my own fault, I was really after a yankee cigarette. Still, that noble beast of burden got me to the Princess Tuvstarr's side faster than the skateboard I was intending to use...probably for the best as I would have had to hang around for 70 years for them to be invented.
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Post by Middoth on Jul 26, 2021 11:40:09 GMT
Princess Anastasia, what's your name in goodreads ?
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Post by 𝘗rincess 𝘵uvstarr on Jul 26, 2021 14:17:31 GMT
Princess Anastasia, what's your name in goodreads ? It's Princess Tuvstarr. And it's a very boring profile. I havern't really done anything with it yet. I just plan to use it to keep a record of books I have read, or books that interest me.
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Post by Middoth on Jul 26, 2021 14:55:08 GMT
I rushed to find your profile and all was futile. I'm in despair. I understand, you are not glad to see me.
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Post by 𝘗rincess 𝘵uvstarr on Jul 26, 2021 15:21:41 GMT
I rushed to find your profile and all was futile. I'm in despair. I understand, you are not glad to see me.
Don't be silly. Of course I'm happy to see you. I'm surprised search doesn't work. But I don't really know much about it. I won't put a direct link here, but I'm a follower of most of the authors on this site that have profiles on goodreads. You can find me as a follower on one of those, and link to me from there.
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Post by Middoth on Jul 26, 2021 15:28:28 GMT
You Calm My Soul. God bless you.
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Post by samdawson on Jul 26, 2021 15:42:13 GMT
Princess, how nice to see you back so soon. I had not realised when I said I hoped it was 'au revoir' rather than 'adieu' that there was another option: 'Back in a jiff'
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