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Post by šrincess šµuvstarr on Jun 3, 2021 11:27:48 GMT
'Sick and twisted as one would hope'...I'm delighted that you think so, dem bones! This is perhaps the grossest and most repugnant tale that I've written to date, and I found it - heh heh - a great deal of fun to do so... Please provide the following detail, so I can decide if you are a black-hearted fiend: Do you have a long black moustache that curls at each end? Although your profile photograph does not suggest this, you may have airbrushed it out. Fiends are clever chaps.
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Post by jepersonoatcake on Jun 3, 2021 11:31:16 GMT
I used to have a handlebar moustache - more dark brown with hints of grey, white and red - and did keep it reasonably well-waxed...will that do? It's gone at the moment - shaved it off when the Covid situation got into swing - but it may yet return...
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Post by šrincess šµuvstarr on Jun 3, 2021 11:33:42 GMT
I used to have a handlebar moustache - more dark brown with hints of grey, white and red - and did keep it reasonably well-waxed...will that do? It's gone at the moment - shaved it off when the Covid situation got into swing - but it may yet return... Do you walk slightly bent forward, and holding out your hands, like claws, or Isaac Asimov's, and do you smile wickedly, as a dark thought crosses your mind?
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Post by dem bones on Jun 4, 2021 15:54:44 GMT
Adam J. Marsh - Raspberry Beret: Chemotherapy has robbed our ten-year-old of her hair and today one of the kids at school broke rank to call her bad names. A chance visit to Mr. McGees Jumble Seconds Shop proves fortuitous - or seems to, until her purchase comes alive in the night. Is the raspberry beret old rotten hat in disguise?
Sam Trafford - Carrie: ... doesn't live here any any more, left the Scarborough lodging house one day last week without saying goodbye, a right choker for the landlord's schoolboy son who has a monster crush on her. A creepy sad-eyed guy in a fur coat takes to stalking the kid, who gets to wondering why mum and dad are so touchy at any mention of his heartthrob. Could it be they know more than they let on? Are his parents covering up a murder?
Ian Taylor ā Behind A Painted Smile: Chloe Hastings, chorus girl, horrified and furious that veteran panto dame Frankie 'Dolly Dumpling' Lewis, a man she trusted as her "theatre Dad," should attempt back-stage molestation, lets slip a big secret. After thirty years, Brian, Frankie's partner is quitting "the best double-act of the Northern circuit."
Nadia Mook ā We Are The Pigs: Trippy post-Covid jab dreamscape. Passers by turn to were-pig faces before narrators startled eyes. Special guest appearances by ghost of Norman J. Warren and one other.
Simon J. Ballard ā The Chemistry Between Us: Chris Eason has recently acquired an ill-starred doppelganger. First he watched from the sidelines as Chris Mk II was mangled by a car, and today his stunt double was cremated by lightening. A chap might get to believe he's immortal. He may even attempt something rash to prove he can't be killed.
At this rate, will shortly be entering 'running out of book' panic mode. I hope you people are getting a move on with your stories for #6 and #7.
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Post by jepersonoatcake on Jun 5, 2021 1:48:31 GMT
Oddly, if anything I've been occasionally complimented on my posture. Some might say, less kindly, that I have a stick up my arse, although I prefer to think that I'm more pleasantly Karloffian. Claw hands aren't really my style. I tend to waft them in a fey manner and occasionally essay a dramatic point. My smile, though...even some of my best friends say that my attempts at a winning smile tend to look more like I'm about to go for the jugular. Make of that what you will.
Well, I've submitted a brace of plot suggestions for each to Ye Esteemed Editro, and he seems to like them. Just waiting for the old starting pistol to write the bloody things...
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iant
Crab On The Rampage
Posts: 59
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Post by iant on Jun 5, 2021 22:57:18 GMT
At this rate, will shortly be entering 'running out of book' panic mode. I hope you people are getting a move on with your stories for #6 and #7. Yes, I have an idea for a story arc that will cross over BHF 6 & 7, followed by a prequel in mine and Andy Llewellyn's Spoken in Whispers... a story arc across three books!
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Post by dem bones on Jun 6, 2021 10:01:19 GMT
Paul Newman ā Pictures Of Matchstick Men: According to the police psychologist, eight-year-old Jayme Reeve, sole witness to the unspeakably brutal murders of his parents, has withdrawn into "selective mutism" - he could almost certainly reveal valuable information about the killers should he chose to do so. What's holding him back? Dr. Jennifer Abel sets to deciphering the alleged "meaningless scribbles" Jayme compulsively commits to paper.
Tony Earnshaw ā Baa, Baa, Black Sheep: Ms. Caitlin MacKendrick, a particularly odious, self-serving Council leader with an insatiable fondness for a photo-opportunity, attempts to blackmail Maurice Sutton, veteran beach-cleaner, into accepting a community nomination for an MBE.
Ken Shinn ā The Laughing Gnome: Non fiction. Concerns the current activities of a genius rock idol long supposed dead. Frightened to say too much, but suffice to say, he's among friends and in good elf. In other news, a blabbermouth author addresses BFS conventioneers at disastrous personal consequence.
Gary Couzens ā The Partyās Over: Another favourite-of-book contender. During their late 'nineties Uni years, shyboy Simon fancied Melina of the many lovers something rotten, but she invariably rejected his clumsy advances (unlike those of his wife-to-be, Lauren, her soul mate). On the night of 31st December 1999, the trio attended a drug-fuelled party. As the revellers get smashed, Simon chances upon Melina out cold on the bed. What she won't know won't hurt her ....
Present day pandemic. Simon and Lauren contentedly married with fifteen year old daughter, until Melina's outraged ghost returns to break a twenty year silence.
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Post by dem bones on Jun 7, 2021 10:35:17 GMT
A vaguely surreal interlude - Medusa; the nightclubbing years; "give him a flower" and a lovely birthday treat! - before snapping back into full on go-go boots-in-peril horror.
Wayne Mook ā Parklife: A tramp repays a kindness by effortlessly disposing of would-be mugger. Police investigate vanishing human-rosebush strangeness. James Stanger ā Diamond Lights: Parallel world drama as maverick mullet-headed detectives Glenn Hottie and Chris Wundle fantasise of a smash hit single and seminal Top of the Pops appearance. In the grim right here, right now, however, they're desperately seeking a breakthrough in a baffling series of murders. Who or what is fly-tipping diamond-studded corpses in our nightclubs? Sergeant Bardsley wants answers, and he wants them now!
Susan York ā Happy Birthday: For his sixteenth, he skips school and invites home three female classmates, lets them loose on dad's drinks cabinet. Untimely arrival of cleaner puts paid to any hope of an orgy, but ultimately things don't work out so bad ...
Andrew Llewellyn ā Martha My Dear: Stoke St. Michael and environs, Somerset, 1970. When Julia Harrison's car packs in on the drive to work, Noah Bishop, tractor driving village idiot, kindly offers a tow to his father's farm where she can phone for a mechanic. Julia accepts - and soon wishes she hadn't. The property has been in alarming decline since Noah's mum took ill, and the house reeks something disgusting - mind where you step! With little money coming in, desperate times have obliged Noah to butcher their entire livestock for food - with one exception. Martha, the enormous Tamworth sow, whom he and invalid dad regard as one of the family...
So - Mad dad, retarded son, big pig, mum keeping own council, and folk unaccountably gone missing in immediate vicinity. If you are thinking something delightfully horrible is about to happen, you are not wrong.
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Post by dem bones on Jun 7, 2021 19:07:47 GMT
Finally ... Jason D. Brawn ā The Lady In Red: A Chris de Burgh worshipper spots her idol donating bags of clothing to a charity shop. She chases him down the street singing the most beautiful song of all time. The superstar is not amused and says something rude. Miss #1 fan is most put out, but then Chris has previous for this kind of thing , as those who've endured William Codpiece Thwackery's Fifty Shades of Mr Darcy will attest. The man's nothing but trouble. Selene Paxton-Brooks ā Wuthering Heights: Out on the wily, windy moors etc., a fancy dress weekend to celebrate Bella's fiftieth. Katherine, whose husband, John, has insisted she wear full Cinderella costume, is mortified. Two days with her insufferable, overbearing luvvie in-laws. And just when it seems the weekend couldn't get any more wonderful, the enigmatic Rosa - she's the sister in 'Mother Shipton' drag - proposes a seance .... Tony Earnshaw ā She Came in through the Bathroom Window: A final defiant gesture of love in the wake of the zombie apocalypse. Lawrence Gordon Clark: Sarah and Brian move from London to their dream cottage in North Devon. With Brian spending the working hours at his surgery, Sarah is home alone - save for the disembodied voices of a second couple, Michael and Louise, whose relationship seems so much more exciting and intense than her own ....
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Post by šrincess šµuvstarr on Jun 9, 2021 13:00:40 GMT
Oddly, if anything I've been occasionally complimented on my posture. Some might say, less kindly, that I have a stick up my arse, although I prefer to think that I'm more pleasantly Karloffian. Claw hands aren't really my style. I tend to waft them in a fey manner and occasionally essay a dramatic point. My smile, though...even some of my best friends say that my attempts at a winning smile tend to look more like I'm about to go for the jugular. Make of that what you will. What I make of it is that you seek to dominate me through your mesmerism like some monstrous Svengali, and have wickedly vampirish designs on my person! I won't have it! My honour must be defended. I demand satisfaction! Obviously when I say I demand I don't actually mean me. I mean Dr Strange demands satisfaction. It's pistols at dawn. Ten paces turn and shoot! While I watch. Take this handkerchief as a remembrance of me Dr Strange and good luck! Wear it next to your heart, which is about where your opponent will be aiming. Although your opponent is probably an member of the undead and impervious to bullets, which means it's a bit of a toughie to win, it's the thought that counts. And I do look good in black, which is something. Farewell, I mean Good Luck brave Doctor! (dabs her tear stained cheek with her spare hankie)
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Post by Dr Strange on Jun 9, 2021 13:34:49 GMT
I am reminded of Rufus T. Firefly: "Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honour... which is probably more than she ever did".
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Post by šrincess šµuvstarr on Jun 9, 2021 13:40:00 GMT
I am reminded of Rufus T. Firefly: "Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honour... which is probably more than she ever did". Shut up and clean your pistol. That doesn't sound right does it. Carry On mode has been activated. Changing to weapon is no better. I don't know what to put.
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Post by šrincess šµuvstarr on Jun 9, 2021 13:44:33 GMT
I am reminded of Rufus T. Firefly: "Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honour... which is probably more than she ever did". I'm shocked and horrified at this! My honour must be defended. I demand satisfaction! Obviously when I say I demand I don't actually mean me. I mean cauldronbrewer demands satisfaction...
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Post by Swampirella on Jun 9, 2021 14:04:37 GMT
I am reminded of Rufus T. Firefly: "Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honour... which is probably more than she ever did". I'm shocked and horrified at this! My honour must be defended. I demand satisfaction! Obviously when I say I demand I don't actually mean me. I mean cauldronbrewer demands satisfaction... I'm going out for a walk before you ask me to demand satisfaction.
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Post by Swampirella on Jun 9, 2021 14:07:08 GMT
I am reminded of Rufus T. Firefly: "Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honour... which is probably more than she ever did". Shut up and clean your pistol. That doesn't sound right does it. Carry On mode has been activated. Changing to weapon is no better. I don't know what to put. "stick it in a/your drawer(s)" is worse, & doesn't even really work as a double-entendre.
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