Jack O'Donnell - Land of Fright VII

[Swampirella]

Jul 11, 2020 11:16:07 GMT Jojo Lapin X said:

I was only trying to be helpful! It will not happen again.

It was much appreciated!

[dem bones]

The Candy Jar: Mom gifts her three kids a candy jar shaped like a Medieval castle which they fill with chocolate bars. Tobias, the first to insert has hand, has a quick grope around, pulls out a .... a .... blecch! how did that get in there?

The offending item consigned to the garbage, Ivet and three year old Laura now take a lucky dip .... which is seriously bad news for their peeping Tom gym teacher, paedo Priest and the bully on the softball team. Commendably sick, this one.

Night Watchman: In childhood, Maury Bernstein was a devotee of performance radio thrillers, in particular The Night Watchman. All these years later, Maury is an arthritic security guard, and Throwback Radio are broadcasting the series for the first time since it was abruptly pulled on account of its extreme violence. Lawbreakers and anti-social thugs beware. Night Watchman, the ghoul with a social conscience, walks again!

[dem bones]

Thief’s Reward: Sorcery & Sorcery. Gino swears vengeance on that fat, spiteful bastard, Werko the Wonderful, who cast a spell that took two inches off his dick. If lard-arse didn't want his gold stolen, he shouldn't leave it lying around. To get things moving, Gino circulates wildly exaggerated tales of Werko's invincible power, until word reaches Malandrake the Magnificent, Sebastian the Spectacular and Variana the Virtuoso, the Kingdom's foremost evil-doing sorcerers. The trio descend on Lucor village, each determined to crush the competition, but will Gino see compensation for his loss? Be careful how you word what you wish for. Amidst all the violence, a supernaturally enhanced globeswatch-pleasing turn by Cinderee, the big-titted serving wench in the Tilkins Tavern.

Penny for Your Thoughts: The PTS (Plant the Seed corporation) achieve entire world domination by manipulating the collective unconsciousness to the point where "the truth" is the lie believed by the majority, tangible facts no longer having any place on the world. When the US declares war on Canada over an entirely spurious "contaminated meat" social media hysteria, the narrator turns whistle-blower. It's no that he's altruistic, more that those PTS tight-wads were only offering 50 million for his latest "thought bomb." One for "Covid 19 doesn't exist" conspiracy theorists, I-alone-know-the-truth merchants, & Co.

[dem bones]

a no expense spared holiday in other people's misery.

Perils of Poorism: "They're so filthy." Vanessa Foreland, 47, very merry widow, and three similarly jaded, super-wealthy pals book a vacation with Slum Tours who guarantee the poverty porn experience of a lifetime. Highlight is unquestionably the visit to Ravihada, which, the brochure assures, is " the biggest slum in Asia!" Gloat over the degradation of the little diseased poor people! Marvel at the open sewers! Shriek with orgasmic delight at the abject humiliation of one's social inferiors!

Of course, there's always one has to spoil it for everyone else. Their driver, a local, has first hand experience of the joys of destitution, and reckons it's time for a change. The coach takes an unscheduled detour on the way back to the hotel.

[dem bones]

The Ghosts of Castle LongShadow: Mildly erotic Gothic novella, possibly suggested by the exploits of The Bloody Countess. Humiliated in a jousting tournament, Duncan is resolved to prove his fearlessness. How better than to hunt out the buried treasure in the Castle crypt in defiance of its several ghosts? Descending the stairwell with his intended, Elizabeth, Duncan plucks a black night bloom and tucks it behind her ear. Elizabeth responds by promising he can ravish her should their quest prove successful. So begins a terrible night that will pit the lovers against the Night Bears - "They fed on humans. Nothing else satisfied their hunger" - and "the creeping death!"

[dem bones]

Me, Myself, and Me Again: A hacked sat nav plunges Evan and his multiple alternative selves into apocalyptic conflict versus the Supremes, a people devoted to the destruction of all other parallel universes until only the one "true" dimension - their own - remains. The battle ultimately translates as Angels against Demons, Light against Dark, Jesus (or someone who claims to be Jesus) against Beelzebub. But which are the "good" guys? Saving entire worlds from destruction is not without perks and Evan's sex marathons with his female selves are glorious. Longest story in book at just shy of fifty pages, among the jolliest, too. A rare case of benign demonic possession?


Have enjoyed this introduction to Jack O'Donnell and his Land of Fright which is quite a relief, as I've another two volumes on the shelves that dare not speak their name. Personal pick of the ten - Garage Sale Secrets, Perils of Poorism and The Candy Jar. Didn't dislike any.

[dem bones]

Jack O'Donnell - Land of Fright IV: Ten More Tales of Terror (O'Donnell, 2015)

The Throw-Aways
Everlasting Death
Bite the Bullet
Road Rage
The Controller
The Notebook
The Candy Striper and the Captain
Clothes Make the Man
Memory Market
The Demon Who Ate Screams

A Note from Jack O'Donnell
More Land of Fright


Blurb:

Return to The Land of Fright™ and experience ten new tales of terror!

Visit the Wild West and find out what really happens when you discover a bullet with your name on it.

Experience the terror of the Everlasting Death when a man finds himself trapped in a world full of souls turned into stone.

Join a group of noble monks as they battle against a hideous demon who feeds on the tortured delicacy of human screams.

Discover the macabre struggles authors go through to create the stories you love in two tales of tormented writers.

And plunge into more lands of fright that take you into the dark Pacific jungles of WWII, or thrust you into the future where memories are bought and sold, or bring you face to face with enraged racoons demanding justice!

An earlier volume. More of the same, but I like the same!

The Throw-Aways: Genre-hopping pulp author Ted 'Brock Magnuson' Hiller is persecuted by vengeful 'Throw-aways,' those characters introduced to a story for the sole purpose of being horribly killed within a few paragraphs. The supposedly 'disposable' likes of Angry Man from The Butcher's Boy, Italian soldier #2 (Mussolini and the Mustard Gas Bastard), Sissy Security Guard (The Vault), the Hooker (variants appear in his every novel) & Co., join forces to give Hiller a taste of his own lethal medicine. A gift from a well-intentioned fan sets him up for a suitably agonising doom.

Road Rage: Trevor and Daisy Kingsley driving home on the highway through Vickers Wood. Trevor spots a baby racoon in the road up ahead and gleefully swerves to squelch it into the tarmac. When Daisy protests, he callously responds with a glib "survival of the fittest." Fear not, dear friends. Ma racoon is not one to forgive and forget. That same night she, Albino, and Whiskers successfully slip inside the Kingsley home and chance upon their pride and joy, little Ricky, asleep in his cot .....

[dem bones]

Clothes Make The Man: Robert was adamant that he owed his phenomenal success in business and pleasure to a bespoke pin-striped suit. Now he's dead, killed outright in a car smash (he wasn't wearing it), Blake Goldwin is determined to have the enchanted three-piece for himself. If that means concealing himself in the funeral parlour and stripping the clothes from Robert's corpse, so be it.

Incredibly, Robert spoke the truth. Within weeks Blake has achieved mega-wealthy, super-stud status, but something is very wrong - he is slowly decomposing alive. It transpires that the suit, if obtained by theft, slowly rots he who stole it. Blake can only save himself by finding someone willing to take it from him.

The Candy Striper and the Captain: Philippines, WWII. American soldiers fighting the Japanese decorate the necks of enemy corpses to resemble vampire victims. Mary Linston, a volunteer nurse from the Chicago suburbs, goes one better. Mary, a Catholic, fell prey to a jungle blood-sucker, the Aswang. Her faith - and patriotism - have survived the grave, and she is furious that the GI's stunt has alerted the Japs to the vampire in their midst. Apprised of the situation, the US Captain joins her one-woman, thousand-bat war on guerilla gang-rapists.

[dem bones]

The Notebook: Marla Walker, supermarket cashier and single mum of two slacker sons, Randy and Curtis. Worn out and depressed, only thing keeps her going is the belief she'll one day overcome writers block to complete a debut best-seller. To this end, Marla buys a set of nine hand-sewn, parchment notebooks from Saver Plus at a bargain $1 each. The leaves feel creepy, like they've been skinned from a corpse. Spill blood on them, and they fast fill with automatic writing! Overcome her silly moral scruples and Marla will be halfway toward achieving that first lucrative novel. -

Biting the Bullet: Harvey Possom challenges poker cheat Alvin Chaddock to a gunfight before the entire saloon. Way Possum sees it, he can't lose, having had a gypsy hex a bullet with Alvin's name on it. What he hadn't counted on was the outlaw murdering him in cold blood and stealing the inscribed pellet. Chaddock has the lead melted down and crafted into a spoon. Far as he's concerned, he is now effectively indestructible, as a bounty hunter and a sadistic Apache discover in their final moments. But can be afford to be complacent? Denouement not the strongest, but it's fun getting there.

[dem bones]

Eternal Death: Early in the 2020s, folk inexplicably petrify in their death throes, as though modelling for a sculpture when life gave out. Their "soulstones" as they come to be known, prove both immovable and indestructible. They even defied gravity. Henceforth, should death claim you above ground, your soulstone will forever remain suspended in midair.

The narrator works for the RSU, whose job it is to relocate the terminally ill to a luxury relocation centre before the perma-death hits. Dissenters, who regard the RSU as Government sponsored death squads, choose self destruction over life imprisonment. Our man and daughter Phoebe get wind of an imminent mass-suicide at the old North Con football stadium. Phoebe is killed outright when the cell detonate a nail bomb. She's the lucky one. Her pregnant mother, Jenny, is felled by a shrapnel blast to the belly ....

The Controller: Madcap detective Hagan Broome (he vapes while all around him still smoke) investigates a bank robbery perpetuated by a man two weeks buried in the soil. 'Derek', master of mind-control, has learned to raise the dead to do his evil bidding. Now Broome has fallen into the zombie-master's clutches. On discovering their new slave is a cop, Derek's perverted accomplices, Candice and Isaak, encourage him to have Broome molest Chloe Sullivan, bank teller, and the black comedy turns properly horrible.

[dem bones]

Jack O'Donnell - Land of Fright III: Ten Short Horror Stories (O'Donnell, 2015)

The Prospector
The Boy in the Yearbook
Shot Glass
The Champion
Hitler’s Graveyard
Out of Ink
Dung Beetles
The Tinies
Hammer of Charon
Pharaoh’s Cat

A Note from Jack O'Donnell
More Land of Fright

Blurb

The Land of Fright™ is a world of spine-tingling short horror stories filled with the strange, the eerie, and the weird. You will visit the world of the Past in Ancient Rome, Medieval England, the old West, World War II, and other eras yet to be explored. You will find many tales that exist right here in the Present, tales filled with modern lives that have taken a turn down a darker path. You will travel into the Future to tour strange new worlds, and interact with alien societies, or to just take a disturbing peek at what tomorrow may bring. Pass through the dark gates and - Step Into Fear!

The Boy in the Yearbook: A hypnotherapist enjoys a protracted revenge on the two former college students she holds responsible for son Joey's tragic death.

The Champion: a day of historical reenactment at the Yorkshire Renaissance Fair. Michael Tremayne, ultra-jock deviates from the script to win his joust with flatulent skinny nerd, Vaughn Gerhardt, as he refuses to play a lesser role than "the Champion. Vaughn learns that Tremayne's success with women is all down to the love potion he slips in their drink, he too makes a purchase from 'All Things Magikal.' Tremayne is soon to make a real dick of himself.

Dung Beetles: "If you're heading east on Highway 97 towards Arnetown and you can hear this, stop your car immediately and turn around." But Jean McDonall is no mood to listen. She drives on until something smashes through the window. A killer mutant dung beetle with an insatiable appetite for feces and human flesh. It will crawl right up you - as Jan's son, Billy, is soon to discover. Even he gets off relatively light compared to what's in store for big sister, Charlene. As disgusting as you'd hope from the title.

[dem bones]

Nasty opener.

The Prospector: California, 1850. A female prospector, gang-raped and robbed of her gold, hunts down her tormentors for I Spit on your Grave retribution. A wanted murderer, Jezebel is eventually taken by vigilantes and hacked into several pieces with an axe. Over a period of days, lonesome deformed cripple Jeremiah Greenwall collects the scattered limbs and reassembles her body .... which fuses together. Jezebel is extremely grateful.

Jeremiah has enemies of his own, chief among them bully boys Henry Crawker and Samuel Lourdis who make his every visit to the trading post a Hell. Time to get even.