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Post by dem on Mar 9, 2008 23:08:18 GMT
Stephen Jones (ed.) - The Vampire Stories of R. Chetwynd-Hayes (Fedogan & Bremer, 1997: as Looking For Something To Suck, Robert Hale, 1998) Brian Lumley - Foreword: Never Had an Idea in His Life!
My Mother Married A Vampire
A Family Welcome
Rudolph
The Labyrinth
The Sad Vampire
Amelia
Acquiring a Family
The Buck
Keep the Gaslight Burning
Birth
Louis
Looking for Something to Suck
Great-Grandad Walks Again
The Fundemental Elemental
The Werewolf and the Vampire
Stephen Jones - Afterword: Never Beastly to VampiresBlurb: "R. Chetwynd-Hayes ranks as one of England's finest practitioners of the art of horror fiction... his prose displays a crisp sophistication and, often, a macabre sense of humour to prove that the author is a major stylist in his own right."
-Karl Edward Wagner.
The Vampire Stories of R. Chetwynd-Hayes collects together for the first time fifteen tales by the award-winning British author, including such classics as "My Mother Married a Vampire", "The Labyrinth", "Birth", "Looking for Something to Suck" and "The Werewolf and the Vampire", plus a brand-new tale written especially for this volume featuring Frances St. Clare, the World's only Practicing Psychic Detective, and his assistant Frederica Masters, better known as Fred.
With these stories, Ronald Chetwynd-Hayes masterfully blends horror and humour as he introduces the reader to a cleaning woman who discovers she is working for Dracula's son; a couple trapped in a house created by the mind of a centuries-old vampire;a young boy whose ancestor is depressed by his undead existence;a creature of darkness that sucks the life-force from its victims, and the unusual offspring of a werewolf and a vampire who is threatened by an obsessed clergyman.
With an original introduction by Brian Lumley, author of the bestselling Necroscope series, and an exclusive interview with the author about his vampire stories, fans fo the undead are in for a fang-tastic treat...Warning: There are one or several spoilers in this post.My Mother Married A Vampire: Domestic bliss in the suburban household of the Count and Countess De Suc-Little and son Marvin is threatened by the unwelcome attentions of the blood squad, 'the Bleeney', led by an over-zealous Priest. Reverend Pickering nails his man, but the vampire Count has the last laugh. This one formed the basis for a 'comedy' episode in Milton Subotsky's The Monster Club, though it's from another RCH collection, 1978's "The Cradle Demon." Looking For Something To Suck: One of his scariest and best. A vampire shadow, vulnerable only to the light, enters the Wilton's house in search of it's feed. Despite the protests of his wife Jane, a psychic who senses something terrible is about to happen, Tony insists on turning out all the lights when they retire to bed. When he awakens and turns on the light, he wishes he hadn't ... Great-Grandad Walks Again: A vampire with false teeth, one of whose arms is permanently set in a gesture akin to a fascist salute. Oh, and he sleeps in a bath-tub full of whiskey. Grandma refuses to bury her dead husband so, rather than risk disinheritance, the rest of the family decide to pickle him. He rampages around the house at night, looking for someone to suck, but he's been rendered helpless since his first attack when he left his dentures in Uncle George's neck and wasn't able to retrieve them. All ends happily when granddad lands the lead role in the movie I was a Nazi Vampire. "You'll notice the neighbours all look a bit anaemic, which is to be expected, and there was no dialogue worth mentioning. Also, the leading lady screams a lot. That's only to be expected, too." Rudolph: Hopelessly disillusioned with life, Lauren Benfield, 37, unexpectedly lands the strange but well-paid position as cook and general factotum to Count Rudolph, whose menu never varies from pig's blood, rich mince and 'blood sausage'.It is immediately apparent to the reader that Rudolph is undead, but his behaviour is peculiar even for the species. We learn from young Janice, his niece, that he's "ashamed" of being what he is, the son of the Vampire King."He won't partake from the neck or even intake vital essence from a bottle.... That's why he looks so weird. And all he's got to do is imbibe once - and, oh boy, you'll see the difference. He almost gives way when I get to work on him but no way. I don't mind slap bot and fumble but no give with the vital. Well, it wouldn't be decent." Spurred on by Janice, the Count's resistance crumples and his victim, poor Laura, gives birth to his demon offspring. So he turns her out and sets 'the pack' on her. Acquiring A Family: On the death of an uncle, 53 year old Miss Celia Watson inherits his lovely home and enough money to ensure she can live out her life in comfort. Life would be perfect were it not for her loneliness: "She should have had children if only their production had not necessitated a rather revolting physical function." How delightful for her, then, that this house is haunted by five ghost infants who gradually reveal themselves to her until they're all gathered around her bed. But the Reverend Rodney knows something of the spectral brood's sinister history, and his well-meaning intervention sets in motion a dreadful chain of events .... Keep The Gaslight Burning : "Matilda, we are lonely. Come down to us ... come ..". Young Maya enters service as personal companion to Mrs. Maxwell at a remote house on the Yorkshire moors. Her ladyship keeps a lamp burning throughout the night to fend off the ghosts of her husband and his lover, who are ever beckoning to her. What did she do to them? "Go to the window, part the curtains ever so slightly - and peer down into the garden." Mayo obeys, and what she sees is far from pleasant ... Chetwynd-Hayes is as adept at this Upstairs, Downstairs melodrama as Rosemary Timperley and it helps that he plays this one straight and injects it with more suspense than the norm. The Sad Vampire: Interview With The Vampire on the moors. When his father inherits Glendale Grange, meddling do-gooder John befriends the resident vampire, Archibald a self-pitying old fool who has sworn off the blood these past fifty years and is wasting away as a consequence. John fixes him up with a clean suit and a black pudding to eat. Finally, he insists Archibald takes a shower ... Amelia: Anthony Knight finds a man dying of malnutrition in a back alley who warns him: "I'm done for. But you ... you ... you get out of here before she comes." Anthony legs it, but his conscience gets the better of him - what if an ambulance crew could have saved him? He returns to the scene and Greta, an old woman in one of the plush houses invites him in at the request of her invalid charge, the beautiful young Amelia Roland. Anthony is astounded - she is the double of a woman he met once twenty-five years ago and has carried a torch for ever since. Despite falling madly in love with her, something warns him he's in terrible danger. This proves to be the case.
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Post by killercrab on Mar 10, 2008 12:07:37 GMT
Great colour scheme that makes use of the red cowl to direct the eye to the centre of the image - before you peripherally notice the prone wench in the background! The bat in top hat on the back is a bit shit though...:-P
ade
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Post by dem on Mar 10, 2008 13:31:08 GMT
They're two different covers, ade. The top hatted bat is from the hardback edition (i think!) and, i agree, it's well ropey. I don't have a copy of either book but I could never resist an opportunity to go on about the all-conquering magnificence of Looking For Something To Suck or the truly astonishing awfulness of Great-Grandad Walks Again! ;D
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Post by Johnlprobert on Mar 10, 2008 13:59:57 GMT
The top-hatted bat is from the UK (Robert Hale) edition which is apparently so hard to find Stephen Jones admitted to me years ago that even he had never seen a copy.
I've got it, naturally.
I love A Family Welcome from this - especially the final scene where we get to meet all their relatives.
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Post by killercrab on Mar 10, 2008 14:30:03 GMT
Oops I should look more closely Dem! I'm off for a kip.:-)
ade
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Post by valancourtbooks on Nov 13, 2014 19:10:27 GMT
New release from Valancourt Books Looking for Something to Suck: The Vampire Stories of R. Chetwynd-Hayes
With a foreword by Stephen Jones and cover art by Les Edwards  Book descriptionIn these exsanguinating stories, Ronald Chetwynd-Hayes masterfully reinvents the vampire genre as he introduces the reader to a cleaning woman who discovers she is working for Dracula’s son; a couple trapped in a house created by the mind of a centuries-old vampire; a young boy whose ancestor is depressed by his undead existence; a creature of darkness that sucks the life-force from its victims, and the unusual offspring of a werewolf and a vampire who is threatened by an obsessed clergyman. Looking for Something to Suck: The Vampire Stories of R. Chetwynd-Hayes collects sixteen tales by the author known as ‘Britain’s Prince of Chill’, including the classics ‘My Mother Married a Vampire’, ‘The Labyrinth’, ‘Birth’, ‘Looking for Something to Suck’ and ‘The Werewolf and the Vampire’. This first-ever paperback edition features an additional story not contained in the original limited hardcover edition and also includes a foreword by award-winning editor Stephen Jones, new illustrations by Jim Pitts, and an original cover painting by Les Edwards. ‘R. Chetwynd-Hayes ranks as one of England’s finest practitioners of the art of horror fiction . . . his prose displays a crisp sophistication and, often, a macabre sense of humour to prove that the author is a major stylist in his own right.’ – Karl Edward Wagner View this title and others over on our websitewww.valancourtbooks.com/looking-for-something-to-suck-the-vampire-stories-of-r-chetwynd-hayes.html |
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Post by jamesdoig on Nov 16, 2014 8:24:15 GMT
New release from Valancourt Books Looking for Something to Suck: The Vampire Stories of R. Chetwynd-Hayes
Lovely. If there was a 'like' button I'd press it. |
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Post by Johnlprobert on Nov 16, 2014 17:21:04 GMT
I have the Robert Hale hardback edition you have on there on the right. Like all Chetwynd-Hayes Hale books it was a bugger to find!
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Post by valancourtbooks on Nov 17, 2014 14:06:39 GMT
I'd like to run across some of the Robert Hale editions but I doubt I'll find them laying around in Virginia.
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Post by dem on Feb 14, 2020 20:29:47 GMT
Stephen Jones [ed.] - Looking for Something to Suck: The Vampire Stories of R. Chetwynd-Hayes (Valancourt 2014) Illustration: Les Edwards: Photo: Seamus A. Ryan Stephen Jones - Foreword: Never Beastly to Vampires
My Mother Married a Vampire
A Family Welcome
Rudolph
The Labyrinth
The Sad Vampire
Amelia
Acquiring A Family
The Buck
Keep the Gaslight Burning
Birth
The Great Indestructible
Louis
Looking For Something To Suck
Great-Grandad Walks Again
The Fundamental Elemental
The Werewolf and the Vampire
About the Author
About the EditorBlurb: In these exsanguinating stories, Ronald Chetwynd-Hayes masterfully reinvents the vampire genre as he introduces the reader to a cleaning woman who discovers she is working for Dracula's son; a couple trapped in a house created by the mind of a centuries-old vampire; a young boy whose ancestor is depressed by his undead existence; a creature of darkness that sucks the life-force from its victims, and the unusual offspring of a werewolf and a vampire who is threatened by an obsessed clergyman.
Looking for Something to Suck: The Vampire Stories of R. Chetwynd-Hayes collects sixteen tales by the author known as 'Britain's Prince of Chill', including such classics as 'My Mother Married a Vampire', 'The Labyrinth', 'Birth', 'Looking for Something to Suck' and 'The Werewolf and the Vampire'. This first-ever paperback edition features an additional story not contained in the original limited hardcover edition and also includes a foreword by award-winning editor Stephen Jones, new illustrations by Jim Pitts, and an original cover painting by Les Edwards.
'R. Chetwynd-Hayes ranks as one of England's finest practitioners of the art of horror fiction . . . his prose displays a crisp sophistication and, often, a macabre sense of humour to prove that the author is a major stylist in his own right.' - Karl Edward WagnerThe Great Indestructible: ( Ghoul #1, ed. R. Chetwynd-Hayes, 1976 [as by Hans Clutcher]: Frights and Fancies, 2002). A reporter on the Ghoul Gazette interviews Count Dracula at home with predictable consequences. From NEL's one shot monster mag for kids, as recently awarded one star in the Pulp Horror Reviews Special. The Fundemental Elemental: "Vampires are strictly heterosexual." A previously unpublished Francis St Clare and Frederica Masters adventure that maybe should have been left that way. Rowena Bradley is persecuted by a vampire from her friend, Fred's subconscious. Accepting that a stake through the brain could have unpleasant repercussions for his assistant, St. Clare must lure the bloodsucker out into the open, so: "Fred, strip off!"
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Post by helrunar on Feb 14, 2020 20:42:24 GMT
"Britain's Prince of Chill"? I'm sure nobody wants to hear my idea of something to suck...
Thanks for the latest scan and the rather demented smile wreathing my features at the moment, Kev!
cheers, Steve
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Post by dem on Feb 15, 2020 8:33:15 GMT
"Britain's Prince of Chill"? I'm sure nobody wants to hear my idea of something to suck... |
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Post by cromagnonman on Feb 15, 2020 18:12:23 GMT
Stephen Jones [ed.] - Looking for Something to Suck: The Vampire Stories of R. Chetwynd-Hayes (Valancourt 2014)
The Fundemental Elemental: "Vampires are strictly heterosexual." A previously unpublished Francis St Clare and Frederica Masters adventure that maybe should have been left that way. Sage and valuable advice Dem. I once made the effort - in a rash moment of misconceived enthusaism - to read all the Fred and Francis stories consecutively for the purposes of an article. I made it halfway through before both eyes and parietal lobe mutinied in an attempt to preserve my sanity. I daresay if I ever do attempt the novel then it will have to be done under strict laboratory conditions. But as torturous as some of the episodes are that I did finish I defy any of those that I didn't to prove even half as painful as "The Fundamental Elemental". This is incoherent gibberish. A dialogue of increasingly inane and desperately unfunny repartee masquerading as a story. It ain't clever and it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. And if it didn't have Fred stripped down to fishnets posed with her arms above her head I daresay my own subconcious would have purged it from all recollection. |
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