John Kennedy O'Connor - The Eurovision Song Contest

[glampunk]

A timely find and no mistake. Apologies in advance, etc.

John Kennedy O'Connor - The Eurovision Song Contest: The Official History (Carlton, 2007)

Foreword by Svante Stocksellus
Introduction

The Eurovision Song Contest: 1956-2006
Eurostats
Semi-final Results

Back cover blurb:

Detailed accounts of each year - fashion stories, voting analysis, behind-the-scenes feuds, scandals, the innovators, the copy cats, the high points and dismal lows.

Artwork for every sleeve of each winning single, plus chart positions across the continent.

Amazing rarely seen photos from every competition, sourced from archives all over Europe.

Charts, tables, lists and statistics galore.

******

Hope Of A Nation

We'll all be rooting for Molly Smitten-Downes at the big one in Copenhagen on May 10th

When Katrina & the Waves lifted the Eurovision crown in Dublin 1997, who among us could have predicted that the UK would have no further success in the competition? When the combined talents of Andrew Lloyd-Weber, Engelbert Humperdink, Love City Groove and Bonnie Tyler can't lift the trophy, you know you are in trouble. This year, it has fallen upon a young, relatively unknown singer-songwriter, Molly Smitten-Downes, to represent the UK with the self-penned Children of the Universe. I've so far resisted a sneak preview of the song, preferring to wait until the big night, but according to The Independent, "The track has an anthem-feel to it and Molly’s husky voice belts out the lyrics over the melody. " Sounds good! But, regardless of the merits of the song or her performance on the night, that Molly can reverse the decline and end seventeen years of hurt is, quite frankly, unlikely. It is a FACT that our European so-called "Friends" can no longer be trusted to vote fairly. Even the mighty 'Fizz would struggle in the current climate. Truth is, from the late 'sixties onward, the UK contestants been robbed in Rome, rumped in Riga, arsed about with in Athens, humiliated in Helsinki - we've even been good as lynched In London by the conniving of a Dictator! You want cases in point? I'll give you cases in point, sweetie ! How about .....

Cliff Richard Congratulations (1968)

National treasure. Cliff is consoled by a celebrity fan

It was all looking so rosy for the evergreen Sir Cliff with Congratulations until a panicked General Franco knobbled the jury to ensure Spain's Massiel romped home with the insipid La La La, the bloody evil fascist bastard! And even then there was only one measly point in it. Cliff still harps on about it to this day. Come on Spain, do the decent thing. Hand your tainted trophy to the true winner, Britain's one and only "Peter Pan of Pop."

******

Samantha Janus A Message To Your Heart (1991).

Dial 'Janus' for Justice! Sexy Sam socks it to the G8 countries.

"..... And half the world have too much/ Their only hunger is their greed/ Through politics and ignorance/ Half the world's in need.

A message to your heart/ It's alright/ Say a little prayer/ And sleep tonight, oh../ Tomorrow you'll still be in paradise, oh... "

Sam's heartfelt plea for the affluent nations to stop being so greedy and end world famine fell on deaf ears. Recalling that fateful night in a Radio Times interview (April 2006), Miss Janus dead-panned "The lyrics of the song are burned into my memory forever." God, but I love a girl with a sense of humour. According to Mr. O'Connor, however, our Sam "made more of an impression with her pink lace-up bodice than her badly-sung entry." Yeah, thanks a bunch, Lord Haw Haw!

******

Gemini Cry Baby (2003).

"The Gemini Two" wow the crowd despite compelling evidence of monitor sabotage by members of Einstuerzende Neubauten and the Goombay Dance Band.

Another infamous voting conspiracy saw cheeky chirpy scousers Chris Crombey and Gemma Abbey "awarded" a grand total of "Nul points" in Latvia, when "those in the know" decided the Gemini Two were responsible for sparking the Iraq War. Despite not a shred of evidence to support these bizarre claims, the slur has never been officially withdrawn. Some people play direct into UKIP's hands.

******

Daz Simpson Teenage Life (Greece, 2006).

A real Bobby Dazzler. But Mr. Simpson was cheated of glory like all the rest.

Three years later, the conflict was again blamed for the failure of Daz 'Daz' Sampson and his St. Trinians-a-likes, who scandalously finished a distant twentieth behind Finish black metal mutha's Lordi in their scary masks and "gruesome costumes." Was 'The Dazzle's original offering really so inferior to a rewrite of Alice Cooper's Poison by the thinking man's Slipknot? We think not!

******

Scooch Flying The Flag (Finland, 2007).

" ....Ba-ba-da, Ba-ba-da, Ba-da-da-ba, ba-da/ Some salted nuts sir?" And you're seriously trying to tell me the flight crew in the Virgin Air ads are the last word in "hot"?

Unforgivably, this edition of Mr. O'Connor's masterpiece pre-dates perhaps the most scandalous injustice of all, namely the great Helsinki stitch-up of 2007, where Scooch - who are, incidentally, personal friends of mine, albeit in a MySpace capacity - finished 23rd of 24 with the raunchy Flying The Flag (For You) - and this despite receiving the maximum 12 points from Malta! The Finland fit-up tipped this viewer over the edge and my raging fury was such that I was keenly advised by my GP to boycotted subsequent contests.

If only it were that simple.

******

Anyway, this is a nice book, and you should get a copy if you can!

Pride of a Nation. The Fizz. Natural born winners

[dem bones]

The Filth & The Fury: We Are Slavic

Capitalising on phenomenal response to initial post, a reminder that Tonight is The Big Night and you can catch the action live on the BBC from 8pm - 11.25 (!). Having studied footage of Thursday night's second semi-final, the dem bones tips for glory include fabulously glamorous bearded lady Conchita Wurst (representing Austria with Rise Like a Phoenix), mad goth with a flute (don't know), and - one for the Globeswatch contingent - Poland's Donatan & Cleo with My Słowianie (We Are Slavic) whose official video for the song in which four buxom 'milkmaids' celebrate the joys of churning has apparently been branded "pornographic" by somebody important or other.

If you think this is junk, wait til we get going on the world cup. Grown men have wept.

[ripper]

Thanks for the reminder that it is that time of year again, Dem. I used to watch Eurovision every year back in the 70s and 80s, but my viewing has been more patchy recently. I've read that our entry this year is among the top 5 favourites to win, not that that really means much once those european juries start awarding their points, but who knows; maybe this will be our year.

[dem bones]

May 10, 2014 18:02:39 GMT ripper said:

Thanks for the reminder that it is that time of year again, Dem. I used to watch Eurovision every year back in the 70s and 80s, but my viewing has been more patchy recently. I've read that our entry this year is among the top 5 favourites to win, not that that really means much once those european juries start awarding their points, but who knows; maybe this will be our year.

Alas, Rip, it was not to be. Our Molly gave it her all but had no answer to the undisputed queen of Eurovision who romped home on a massive 290 points to the UK's hard-earned 40. On a night of shocks, even the fancied Poles finished way down the voting. Bucking the recent trend, the 2014 contest will long be remembered as a victory for designer gowns over selections from the Skin II catalogue.

News of Vincent Kompany's second goal at the Etihad filters through to Anfield

1. Austria: Conchita Wurst, Rise Like a Phoenix. Dana international comparisons are unfair but the likeable drag artist romped home with a panache worthy of Shirley Bassey circa Goldfinger. A very popular victory. Entire audience in tears. Not seen anything quite like it since Liverpool crumbled at Selhurst Park on Monday night.

2. The Netherlands: The Common Linnets, Calm After The Storm. Classy rock-tinged C&W by proper group who have hits . Essentially a reworking of the Police's Every Breath You Take. Any other year and they'd probably have won.

3. Sweden: Sanna Nielsen, Undo. Classically beautiful blonde models gorgeous gown which she invites us to undo. Riot police required to calm everybody down. Fully deserving of top three finish.

4. Armenia: Aram MP3, Not Alone. Piano intros were big this year. Another power ballad. Maximum histrionics from vocalist who clearly adores himself.

5. Hungary: Andras Kallay-Saunders, Running . Medium paced ballad performed by a guy whose dad once played on a Lou Reed record. Behind him, tireless girl in white dress performed cartwheels throughout.

6. Ukraine: Mariya Yaremchuk, Tick - Tock. Goth-rock type (female) in flowing black dress. Lots of thigh. Backing dancer running on giant hamster wheel. Got evening off to best possible start.

7. Russia: Tolmachevy Sisters, Shine - Seventeen year old twins, conjoined at the ponytail. Benefited from E. European block vote as usual. Roundly booed all night.

8. Norway: Carl Espen, Silent Storm. Proper song performed well by big intense beardy tattoo bloke who makes windows.

9. Denmark: Basim, Cliche Love Song. Smug pop, cheesy lyrics, horrible dancing. Our hosts clearly didn't fancy the expense of hosting Eurovision twice on the spin.

10. Spain: Ruth Lorenzo, Dancing In the Rain. Wet look hair, sparkly gown, seemed happy enough. Song got very intense when special effects (e.g., rain) kicked in.

11. Finland: Softengine, Something Better. Youthful all male pop rockers from the land of Lordi. Have possibly been exposed to the odd McFly CD in their short time on earth.

Sweden's Sanna!

12. Romania: Paula Seling & OVI, Miracle. Boy girl duo, hi-NRG thingy. Mid-table about right.

13. Switzerland: Sebalter, Hunter Of Stars - "I am the hunter, you are the prey, and tonight I'm going to eat you up!" By day he's a business lawyer. I don't know why, but I've always felt a bit unnerved by hirsute banjo players who smile.

14. Poland: Donatan & Cleo, My Slowianie(We Are Slavic). Thought the girls would finish much higher, but seems war torn Europe is in no mood for titillation.

15. Iceland: Pollaponk, No Prejudice. Dayglo rockabilly rebels. Not exactly How I Wrote Elastic Man but catchy tune, spirited performance. Deserved better.

16. Belarus: Teo, Cheesecake. Cheery pop performed with gusto by one-man boyband. Next.

17. United Kingdom: Molly Smitten-Downes, Children of the Universe. Power ballad perhaps best suited to a Xena: Warrior Princess action sequence.

18. Germany: Elaiza, Is it Right. Female trio with v. butch singer attempt a Cabaret vibe. Not quite there yet.

19. Montenegro: Sergej Cetkovic, Moj Svijet. Roller-blading girl circles suited bloke. Was beginning to flag when they came on, so song washed over me. Sorry about that!

20. Greece: Freaky Fortune feat. RiskyKidd, Rise Up - Death march intro, then it goes all jumping-up-and-down! Men on trampolines. Exuberant, that's the word.

Italy's Emma!

21. Italy: Emma, La Mia Citta - Another who could feel aggrieved at such scant reward for a super performance. Song had a guitar riff on loan from The Cardigans, bride of dem identified a Rocket From The Crypt (minus horn section) influence too. My overall favourite on the night, so, naturally, it bombed.

22. Azerbaijan: Dilara Kazimova, Start a Fire. Chanteuse in red dress belting out a power ballad while dancer performs a trapeze act. Proper song taken at funereal pace. At the time I thought they were in with a shout of winning, so to finish below Germany seems more than a touch unfair.

23. Malta: Firelight, Coming Home. According to my notes (it's called professionalism, sonny), "acoustic driven up-tempo AOR with a C&W slant" if that's any help. I think there might also have been a piano and some straw.

24. San Marino: Valentina Monetta, Maybe. Well intentioned but dreary "why can't we all live in harmony?" piano ballad by nice woman in white gown. Spoken bits were truly dreadful. I had this marked for bottom spot, so wasn't far wrong.

25. Slovenia: Tinkara Kovac, Round and Round. Not the same mad girl with a flute referred to in earlier post so perhaps she got knocked out. Another ballad. To finish below San Marino was harsh. Hell, to finish below anyone was harsh.

26. France: TWIN TWIN, Moustache. A throwback to happier times when Eurovision was uniformly rubbish. Man with Tin-tin haircut bemoans lack of face fungus, earning his equally self-consciously wacky colleagues a commendable two points.

[ripper]

Great resume of the entries, Dem. Sad that our song didn't get a higher placing but some equally good ones fared even worse. I don't follow the pop charts much these days, nor have done for many years truth be told, but back in the day the UK Eurovision entry was almost certain of a place somewhere in the Top 20, and even some of the foreign winners charted, but is it the same now? I get the feeling that the winners are now instantly forgotten once the contest ends, and long gone are the days when they could hope for a lasting career a la ABBA or even Bucks Fizz.

[dem bones]

May 12, 2014 8:18:45 GMT ripper said:

Great resume of the entries, Dem. Sad that our song didn't get a higher placing but some equally good ones fared even worse. I don't follow the pop charts much these days, nor have done for many years truth be told, but back in the day the UK Eurovision entry was almost certain of a place somewhere in the Top 20, and even some of the foreign winners charted, but is it the same now? I get the feeling that the winners are now instantly forgotten once the contest ends, and long gone are the days when they could hope for a lasting career a la ABBA or even Bucks Fizz.

Ah, the mighty 'Fizz before the car accident (Mike's Head "Still Numb") and the acrimonious parting of ways. Will we ever see a return to the glory days?

If today's MIRROR is to be believed, the Russians won't be entering another contestant any time soon after Vitaly Milonov of the Russian Orthodox Church denounced the contest as "a hotbed of sodomy" while President Vladimir Putin's vice premier Dmitry Rogozin "issued a scathing tweet claiming the Eurovision result 'showed supporters of European integration their European future - a bearded girl'. Would that we were all so magnanimous in (crushing) defeat.

[pulphack]

I used to find Eurovision fascinating as an alternative narrative of pop when I watched it in the late seventies and early eighties - admittedly putting it like that betrays too much Paul Morley and Ian Penman at the time, but it was strange to see how then-new trends were absorbed and assimilated and got just that little bit wrong to come out with something completely odd at times. It looks like it hasn't changed much: I watched this years while in the Essex heartland on a family visit, and it's still reassuringly odd and skewed. Those who think it bland fodder are missing something, I think.

Regrettably, the Russians are not alone in their views, Dem. 'What the fuck is that?' popped out of the mouth of my stepson's other half when the Austrian entry appeared. She's only 21. As she's not prejudiced per se, it makes you despair of how people get their accepted notions from their surroundings (this IS Basildon, y'see).

Incidentally, I remember fondly Telex (who were on Sire and had a couple of hits) ruining their cred by becoming the Belgian entry ('79? '80?) with the cunningly titled 'Eurovision', which pootled along in their patented lounge-Kraftwerk style, the singer nonchalantly producing a handful of confetti or glitter (memory fails) on the chorus and chucking it above his head in a slightly jaded manner.

Of course, they came nowehere...

[Jojo Lapin X]

May 13, 2014 5:38:33 GMT pulphack said:

Incidentally, I remember fondly Telex (who were on Sire and had a couple of hits) ruining their cred by becoming the Belgian entry ('79? '80?) with the cunningly titled 'Eurovision', which pootled along in their patented lounge-Kraftwerk style, the singer nonchalantly producing a handful of confetti or glitter (memory fails) on the chorus and chucking it above his head in a slightly jaded manner.

Of course, they came nowehere...

They (much) later released a retrospective CD box set entitled BELGIUM . . . ONE POINT.

[dem bones]

fig A

May 13, 2014 5:38:33 GMT pulphack said:

I used to find Eurovision fascinating as an alternative narrative of pop when I watched it in the late seventies and early eighties - admittedly putting it like that betrays too much Paul Morley and Ian Penman at the time, but it was strange to see how then-new trends were absorbed and assimilated and got just that little bit wrong to come out with something completely odd at times. It looks like it hasn't changed much: I watched this years while in the Essex heartland on a family visit, and it's still reassuringly odd and skewed. Those who think it bland fodder are missing something, I think.

Regrettably, the Russians are not alone in their views, Dem. 'What the fuck is that?' popped out of the mouth of my stepson's other half when the Austrian entry appeared. She's only 21. As she's not prejudiced per se, it makes you despair of how people get their accepted notions from their surroundings (this IS Basildon, y'see).

Too penman/ morley perhaps, mr. hack, but you've a fair point, e.g. have a guess which five-year-old Madonna album Iceland's Paul Oscar (Fig A) was listening to in 1997? Even the mighty 'Fizz's skirt-ripping routine was allegedly ripped off from a failed previous UK entry by a bunch called CoCo featuring Cheryl Baker or something (can't be bothered to check so probably 100 miles wide of mark). Having said that, never been quite sure what was going on in the minds of Moldova's Zdob și Zdub (Fig B.) in 2011 but they were jolly good.

fig B

Good old swinging "Basildon man," the kingmakers/ government makers, as we're always told come election night. I always figured Depeche Mode were something of an anamoly for that place (i.e., miles too good for it).

May 13, 2014 7:39:06 GMT Jojo Lapin X said:

May 13, 2014 5:38:33 GMT pulphack said:

Incidentally, I remember fondly Telex (who were on Sire and had a couple of hits) ruining their cred by becoming the Belgian entry ('79? '80?) with the cunningly titled 'Eurovision', which pootled along in their patented lounge-Kraftwerk style, the singer nonchalantly producing a handful of confetti or glitter (memory fails) on the chorus and chucking it above his head in a slightly jaded manner.

Of course, they came nowehere...

They (much) later released a retrospective CD box set entitled BELGIUM . . . ONE POINT.

Say what you like about Vault, but you just don't get this kind of education over on the BFS forum.

Jay Aston of the mighty Fizz. Still got it!

[Jojo Lapin X]

May 13, 2014 16:42:39 GMT dem bones said:

May 13, 2014 7:39:06 GMT Jojo Lapin X said:

They (much) later released a retrospective CD box set entitled BELGIUM . . . ONE POINT.

Say what you like about Vault, but you just don't get this kind of education over on the BFS forum.

I own that box set.

[pulphack]

May 13, 2014 17:24:08 GMT Jojo Lapin X said:

May 13, 2014 16:42:39 GMT dem bones said:

Say what you like about Vault, but you just don't get this kind of education over on the BFS forum.

I own that box set.

You have my undying respect, Jojo. Alright, that might be overstating a bit, but Telex were rather fine and sadly overlooked in this country (I have no idea if they were huge in Europe or not. I hope so.).

We can be like the BFS if you like. I'll start: is there not a subtext in these Eurovision entries about the sexual subtext of fear in a supposedly civilised society that is, in fact, in thrall to Freudian notions of the super-id? Nah, f&*% it, I'd rather talk about Cheryl Baker, star of slimming ads and indeed a member of Coco, who were the '78 (?) Brit entry and - if memory serves - wore clown-themed costumes and make-up... Hence, I suppose, the name. From Walthamstow of all places, I believe. East London: home of Cheryl, Iron Maiden and the Cockney Rejects. That's a Eurovision entry I'd love to see: Cheryl and Paul Di'Anno, backed by the Rejects... Sleep deprivation is a terrible thing...

[franklinmarsh]

I'd rather talk about Cheryl Baker, star of slimming ads and indeed a member of Coco, who were the '78 (?) Brit entry and - if memory serves - wore clown-themed costumes and make-up... Hence, I suppose, the name. From Walthamstow of all places, I believe. East London: home of Cheryl, Iron Maiden and the Cockney Rejects. That's a Eurovision entry I'd love to see: Cheryl and Paul Di'Anno, backed by the Rejects... Sleep deprivation is a terrible thing...
[/quote]


You fiend, Demonik! Coco were indeedy the '78 Eurovision UK representatives, and I can't forgive them for beating The Fruit-Eating Bears in the Royal Albert Hall sing-off thus depriving Britain of a pseudo-punk entry in that hallowed competition, but giving Sir Terence Woebegone's syrup the chance to mutter 'Gentle creatures, despite their fierce appearance' which ended up as the title of the FEB's "best" of compilation years later. What price Creme Brulee?

[dem bones]

May 14, 2014 7:11:38 GMT pulphack said:

..... I'd rather talk about Cheryl Baker, star of slimming ads and indeed a member of Coco, who were the '78 (?) Brit entry and - if memory serves - wore clown-themed costumes and make-up... Hence, I suppose, the name. From Walthamstow of all places, I believe. East London: home of Cheryl, Iron Maiden and the Cockney Rejects. That's a Eurovision entry I'd love to see: Cheryl and Paul Di'Anno, backed by the Rejects... Sleep deprivation is a terrible thing...

Pooled talents may well be the answer, mr. hack. I'd be prepared to give anything a go if only it would end the pain. Could we possibly persuade Denmark's all-conquering Bamses Venner (above) to defect? What are Greenslade up to nowadays? It's clear from the letters column in today's Mirror that others, too, are fed up with it! So come on, mr. europe, do the decent thing and vote for the UK entry next time!

May 14, 2014 8:30:38 GMT franklinmarsh said:

You fiend, Demonik! Coco were indeedy the '78 Eurovision UK representatives, and I can't forgive them for beating The Fruit-Eating Bears in the Royal Albert Hall sing-off thus depriving Britain of a pseudo-punk entry in that hallowed competition, but giving Sir Terence Woebegone's syrup the chance to mutter 'Gentle creatures, despite their fierce appearance' which ended up as the title of the FEB's "best" of compilation years later. What price Creme Brulee?

Bah! Mr. O'Connor discreetly sidesteps this infamous Royal Albert stich up, while his negative appraisal of CoCo's performance is tantamount to high treason. "Instead of the ill-fated video postcards, the French director had decided to use footage of the acts backstage as a way of introducing each entry. Cheryl Baker, a singer with the British six-piece CoCo, made good use of the idea by calling out 'Hello Mum!' Unfortunately, once on stage, the band gave a very weak and off-key vocal performance." If we all adopted that attitude, we'd never win the blooming thing again!

[Craig Herbertson]

'A throwback to happier times when Eurovision was uniformly rubbish.' Dem

Again the master of the vault finds the telling phrase which says it all. I can recall watching the euro when i was a kid and being profoundly embarrassed when Cliff Richard wobbled his legs. I always though the whole thing was designed like cricket - to confuse the colonies while political power was maintained in London. Dungarees or something equivalent always seem to emerge in the contest. The whole spectacle now is a constant reminder to me that civilization is about to fall as each gladiatorial display reveals new expensive gratuitous extravagances.

[weirdmonger]

I have always enjoyed the Eurovision Song Contest from the 1950s onward. But I enjoy Big Brother and Deal or No Deal, too.
BTW, Thomas Ligotti Online is better than the BFS forum.