Vault Football library

[dem]

And now .... by really really really really popular demand, it's -

..... beginning with two modern masterpieces of the genre. As a concession to non-fans, will be concentrating on those titles which hold wider appeal (or so it seems to me!) than the usual tedious ghosted player hagiographies, etc, and the slant is toward all-things non premier league. This first selection sets the tone admirably.

Derek Hammond & Gary Silke - Got, Not Got: The A-Z of Lost Football Culture, Treasures & Pleasures (Pitch, 2011)

Football used to be better in the past... and here's the proof. GOT, NOT GOT focuses on British football's apparent lost Utopia of the '60s, '70s and '80s, the fondly remembered 'Golden Age' of mudbaths and cloggers, of miniature, carpet-level games and imaginary, comic-fuelled worlds. It evokes the feel and smell of football past, its rituals and relics. But there's more to the agreeably grumpy authors' vision than a hilarious, heartstring-tugging celebration of everything we miss in modern football. There are hundreds of beautiful images of a lost football culture, pin-sharp observations and memories shared by generations of fans in all, an ideal blueprint to help restore the game to its former glories!

For those very few who appreciate Vault's occasional football coverage, trust me, this is the book for you. 220 plus, (mostly) full colour pages of nauseating nostalgia, as beautiful to read as it is to gawp at. Guaranteed pre-prawn sandwich, and just about every non-glamorous club gets a look in. Highlights include the reproduction of some, frankly, terrifying trading cards, subbuteo accessories, Punk Rock Football (featuring The Fall, the Undertones, Ed Banger & The Nosebleeds, Half Man Half Buscuit, etc), one-and-a-half glorious pages on Richard Allen - "Moffat was like a pulp Dr. Frankenstein, creating a string of frustrated, hard-drinking monsters, each animated by an electric surge of DIY psychiatry" - and Birds Eye Beefburgers' "Play 'Spot the Ball' and join Leeds United" campaign.

If you've several hours to spare, their blog is an absolute gem, too.

Catrine Clay - Trautmann's Journey: From Hitler Youth to FA Cup Legend (Yellow Jersey Press, 2011)

blurb:

Bert Trautmann is a football legend. He is famed as the Manchester City goalkeeper who broke his neck in the 1956 FA Cup final and played on. But his early life was no less extraordinary. He grew up in Nazi Germany, where first he was indoctrinated by the Hitler Youth, before fighting in World War Two in France and on the Eastern Front. In 1945 he was captured and sent to a British POW camp where, for the first time, he understood there could be a better way of life. He embraced England as his new home and before long became an English football hero.

'A gripping story of an unlikely redemption through football' - Sunday Times

'This poignant book is a tribute to the depth of both Clay's research and her compassion' - Independent.

"As soon as the real Peter Kularz walked in there was no mistaking him, in spite of the fact that half his face had been blown off ... Bernd and Peter spent many hours talking and reminiscing, but not once did either of them mention that night deep in the forest in the Ukraine and the horror of what they'd witnessed there."

From the Hitler Youth to the retreat from Stalingrad, through capture, incarceration in a Cheshire POW camp and ultimate salvation as much-loved Manchester City netminder, Catrine Clay's account of Bert Trautman's life may well be the most harrowing - and ultimately moving - football-related biography ever penned. In truth, the first 200 pages (of 340) have precious little to do with football and everything to do with the rise and fall of the Nazi party. Some of his experiences as a prisoner of war seem almost too fairy tale to believe - were English people ever that warm, tolerant and forgiving, and if so, what went wrong and when? No matter: it's been ages since I devoured a book in one sitting, and I am glad Mr. Trautman lived to see its publication (he died last month on 19th July).

[dem]

Eamon Dunphy - Only A Game? The Diary of a Professional Footballer (Penguin, 1979; originally Kestrel, 1976)

Cover photograph by Eamon McCabe

Blurb:
"The best and most authentic memoir by a professional footballer about his sport that I have ever read"- Brian Glanville

The 1973-4 season that began so well for Republic of Ireland international Eamon. Dunphy at Second Division Millwall ended in disillusionment. This is his diary, written during those critical months, recording events from the dressing-room. Never before have the joy and anguish of professional football been so lucidly voiced.

'Eamon has put into words" writes ex-Liverpool and Plymouth Argyle player, Brian Hall, ...."the intimate feelings when you suddenly realize that all the years of sweating, working and developing relationships with everyone at the club will now be evaluated in simple cash terms.

Five months in the life of a professional second division footballer. We join the action on 25th July 1973, the first day of pre-season training. Benny Fenton has kept the core of an experienced side, team-spirit is good, and the lads are quietly optimistic that this will be the year that sees Millwall achieve promotion to the top flight. But ....

"A failed football club in October. A depressing place. Already, with seven months to go, the morning becomes a dread. There was a terrible, flat atmosphere this morning. Everybody felt numbed by Saturday's game, the rosy optimism of last week totally gone.

Normally we would have a crisis meeting. A 'Where do we go from here?' meeting. But we didn't. We trained normally. Benny had nothing to say.'

By now Dunphy is at his lowest ebb. Dropped, turning out for the reserves in the pointless London Midweek League (£2 win bonus), gloating over his colleagues every defeat as he knows that the more they lose, the more chance there is of him making it back into the first team, loathing his manager, loathing himself, loathing his profession. To make ends meet, he's contributing a weekly column, Dunphy's Diary to The South London Press, but when he comes out in favour of flamboyant visionaries Brian Clough and Malcolm Allison, he's slaughtered in his own club's programme as a loud-mouthed ingrate (Dunphy also contributed pseudonymous articles to the legendary Foul magazine and would later ghostwrite Roy Keane's incendiary autobiography). By now, he's a bundle of laughs: "I went for a quiet tea underneath the stand. A chance to have a kit-kat, and to contemplate which suicide method to use." Eventually, Dunphy puts everyone out of their misery by handing in a transfer request and drops down a division to join Charlton on the promise of regular first team football. Needless to say, the grass ain't any greener and he doesn't stay long.

What we have here is the football club as the factory floor. If it were a rock album it would be something akin to Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds' hilariously miserable From Her To Eternity. Knowingly (?) boring cover, essential reading.

"Back in the bloody Midweek league again. It's an unbelievable sensation going to play at Orient on a Wednesday afternoon in November .... It is like a graveyard."

[dem]

Michael Henderson - 50 People Who Fouled Up Football (Constable-Robinson, 2010)

Cover photo: John MacDougall/AFP/Getty Images

Blurb:
WHO'S SPOILT THE BEAUTIFUL GAME ... WELL, WHERE DO WE START?

Despite rolling in wealth and enjoying a higher-than-ever public profile, there's no doubt that English football is in a sorry state. The national side has won the World Cup just once, in 1966. And though the game is richer than it's ever been, and can attract some of the world's leading stars, it is infinitely poorer in spirit.

Renowned sports writer Michael Henderson lifts the lid on who's to blame and dishes out the red cards to the worst offenders — the players, managers, officials, agents and broadcasters, and increasingly the rich men who own and run the clubs — who have sold English football down the river.

Brand new updated World Cup 2010 paperback edition of the bestselling hardback.

One to bring joy to every Koppite heart .....

"There's a lot to be said for belonging to the human race. Every day brings something to freshen the bloom. Trees, flowers, birds, the sound of water, the sky at night, music, paintings, books, wine, food, the company of friends, and other things that flesh is heir to. Whatever we make of it, life is good.

One of the few things to be said against it is a kinship with the likes of Joey Barton. Part-time footballer, full-time oik, Barton has the field to himself in any assessment of modern players who have earned a grubby crust."

Curmudgeonly cricket and rugby favouring chap lays into those he holds responsible for destroying the not always beautiful game. That "oik" in the rant versus the thinking man's Friedrich Nietzsche is perhaps a giveaway, as author has written for The Times, Telegraph, Observer and - joy of joys - the Daily Ma*l, so no surprise when Tony Banks, Derek Hatton, Piers Morgan and Nick The Football Factory Love are inducted into the hall of shame and the arguably, equally culpable likes of former sports minister and compulsory ID card obsessive Colin Moynihan, the Murdoch empire, Pete Winkelman, and David Mellor are not.

That said, the preface, England And The World Cup, is a peach, and when Mr. Henderson lets fly at showbiz hangers on, the results are nothing if not entertaining. Freddie Mercury (for composing the abominable We Are The Champions), everybody's favourite fiend with violin in a Villa shirt, Nigel Kennedy (professional geezerism), David Baddiel ("insufferable smugness"), nobody is safe - even Billy Bragg receives a ticking off for his promotion of "progressive patriotism." The only woman to make the list (it's what she would have wanted) is the artist formerly known as Posh Spice, though any perceived crimes versus the game on part of the Bride of Beckham surely pale into insignificance against those of such notable absentees as Thaksin Shinawatra, Kelvin 'Hillsborough: The Truth' MacKenzie, the late Stan Flashman, or the succession of grabbers responsible for Portsmouth's current plight?

"Into the stocks with them!" Yes, it's all the Spice Girls fault.

The cover photo is misleading. Mr. Henderson concentrates solely on the English game, primarily Premier league clubs, and the solitary reference to Sepp Blatter - his opposition to Richard Scudimore's incessant pimping of a '39th match' - shows him in a positive light.

[ripper]

I checked out the Got, Not Got site and it's great with lots of memories of footy as it used to be. Their post on the F.A. Cup Final day was spot on. It was a day when there would actually be a live match on the telly and you looked forward to it for weeks. One thing that I remember that wasn't in the post was that ITV used to screen a "Who'll win the Cup?" programme after News at Ten on the day before the match, with Brian Moore, Jimmy Greaves, Ian St. John and the like giving their opinion. Only on for 30 mins I think, but it set you up for the main event on the next day. I sat glued to the telly until the final whistle but I always hoped that the match wouldn't go to extra time as if that happened the BBC would postpone Dr. Who, which was usually on after Grandstand.

[Craig Herbertson]

Part of the process of fragmentation,

[dem]

Well pleased you enjoyed it, rip. When it comes to decidng my favourite non-fiction reads of the year, it will be a close run thing between Got, Not Got, the Bert Trautman biog, and Dave Roberts' marvellous Bromley Boys, all three loaned/ ordered from the 'idea store' (the artist formerly known as 'the library'). Good news is, Messers Hammond & Silke are working on a Got, Not Got follow up.

Re: 50 People Who Fouled Up Soccer, a correction. Mr. Henderson indeed name-checks the ghastly Thaksin Shinawatra in his entry on Manchester City chief executive Garry Cook, nailed by the author as the man who introduced corporate speak - 'the project', 'the brand', etc. - to the English game. I still reckon the former Thai Prime Minister merits an entry to himself.

Speaking of follow-ups.

Dave Roberts - 32 Programmes (Bantam Books, 2012)

Blurb:
When Dave Roberts and his wife move to the USA, he naturally assumes his treasured collection of 1,134 football programmes will accompany him on the plane. Wrong. Dave is informed that space is at a premium and he will have to whittle his precious hoard down to what will fit inside a Tupperware box.

As Dave relates the story behind each of the 31 (yes 31) programmes he selects, they stir memories of times gone by evoking bittersweet reminders of how far he's travelled. And Dave would never have predicted the chain of events that would lead to the final 32nd programme, and a homecoming that would bring a lump to the throat of even the most hardened midfield destroyer.

32 Programmes is a brilliant, funny, charming and heart-warming tale of an obsession. But it (is) also a story about the passage of time and the true meaning of family, friends ... and football.

Mr. Roberts' loose sequel to Bromley Boys, i.e., the Hayes Lane mob again figure predominantly, most notably in a, for once welcome, feelgood ending. A certain Mr. Vince Grinstead will be delighted to learn that the author lost love of his life #1 over Man U.'s 5-0 trouncing at relegation-bound Crystal Palace in December, 1972 (the defeat which cost Frank O'Farrell his job). Others to make the cut include West Ham V Hereford, 14th Feb 1972, the happy hammers' valentines day massacre of the giant-killers who famously knocked out Newcastle in the previous round (see Ian Hunter/ Mott the Hoople thread). Those who relived Bromley's traumatic 1968/ 69 season via Mr. Roberts' eyes in the previous book, will not begrudge them their hammering of the Civil Service in the FA Cup 1st qualifying round (18 Sept 1973). Plymouth Argyle, Bury, New Zealand (versus Watford) feature prominently. Maybe for his next book he should concentrate on the 1,102 programmes Mrs. Roberts insisted he left behind (his ex-wife looked after them for him, which was very sporting).

[ripper]

Much to my surprise, my county library's internet catalogue lists Bromley Boys, 32 Programmes and Got, Not Got as being available for loan, so I have requested them.

There was a minute's applause for Bert Trautmann at the Manchester City game the other day. A true legend.

One thing that I remember from football back in the 1970s was that cigarette companies used to bring out annual football compendiums. I don't know if you had to save coupons from cigarette packets and send off for one, but I had a few, even though no-one in our house smoked.

[dem]

Aug 22, 2013 9:10:35 GMT ripper said:

Much to my surprise, my county library's internet catalogue lists Bromley Boys, 32 Programmes and Got, Not Got as being available for loan, so I have requested them.

Have become increasingly reliant on the library of recent months. There's seldom anything worth having from the shelves, but whenever i've ordered something, more times than not they've come up with the goods, even no-hopers like R. Chetwynd-Hayes's The Psychic Detective.

Update on Gary Silke & Derek Hammond's next book:What a Shot! – Your Snaps of the Lost World of Football, due this autumn.

[ripper]

I also find that I struggle to find anything on the shelves of our local library and almost always end up browsing the county stock. I believe items only available at the British Library can also be requested via the inter-library scheme, though I have not used that service as yet.

[ripper]

Just reading 32 Programmes by Dave Roberts. Nice to see Richard Allen getting a few mentions :-).

[dem]

Aug 30, 2013 14:40:03 GMT ripper said:

Just reading 32 Programmes by Dave Roberts. Nice to see Richard Allen getting a few mentions :-).

Yeah, he also turns up in Got, Not Got and City Psycho's - Wham Bam Thank You Glam, too, come to that.

Dave Roberts' previous book, Bromley Boys is, if anything even better, providing the post-Abramovich Chelski glory seekers, prawn sandwich brigade & Co. a glimpse of what it's like to follow a zero-budget, flatlining non-league side through thin and thinner, as they battle for the ultimate accolade - to finish below the then perenial whipping boys, Corinthian Casuals, at the foot of the Isthmian League.

Will have some more titles to add to this thread once i've typed 'em .....

[ripper]

I am waiting for Bromley Boys and Got Not Got to arrive at the library, but I did read a Kindle sampler of Bromley Boys and it really set me up for when it arrives. I shall look forward to seeing what other books you list, Dem :-). I haven't really read much in the way of football-related books, but I am enjoying 32 Programmes very much and am sure that the other two will also be equally enjoyable.

[ripper]

I've finished 32 Programmes and Got Not Got and will be starting The Bromley Boys in the next day or so. I thoroughly enjoyed both books and would recommend them. Just reading many of the players' names mentioned bought back so many memories of the 70s and 80s.

[dem]

Correction. Forget all that stuff about What A Shot! for the time being. The sequel to Derek Hammond & Gary Silke's superb Got, Not Got: The A-Z of Lost Football Culture is currently at the printers and due for publication on the 27th of this month. It is:

Derek Hammond & Gary Silke - The Lost World of Football (Pitch, 27 Sept 2013)

Blurb:
Return to The Lost World of Football through this Aladdin's cave of memories and memorabilia, guaranteed to whisk you back to the magical atmosphere of a more innocent era of football. If you were one of the army of obsessive soccer kids at any time from England's World Cup win to the dawn of the Premiership, you'll be relieved to hear that the cool kits and tabletop games, the mud, mavericks and Melchester Rovers are back and here to stay. Flankers with triangular sideboards, petrol freebies and gluey sticker albums will soon once again be flickering past your senses like your long-lost videos of the Sunday soccer highlights. But there's more to The Lost World of Football than a giant catalogue of unforgettable football culture, clutter and wistful yearning. Here are countless tried-and-tested methods to leave the 21st century behind and revisit your own football Golden Age!

In the meantime;

Andrew Ward - Football's Strangest Matches (Past Times/ Robson n.d.)

Cover images: Mary Evans Picture Library

Blurb:
In this fascinating collection of true stories taken from over a hundred years of footballing history, Andrew Ward has gathered together the most extraordinary events ever to occur on a football pitch.

They include stories about the game that spectators couldn't see; the game that lasted four hours; the game that lasted four days; the matches between the strikers and the police in 1926, and between Eton College and the unemployed boys; the games of three halves; the game decided by a hypnotist, the one in which the same player scored all four goals - two for each side - and the game where both teams had the same manager.

A delight for all football fans, Soccer's Strangest Matches is a unique look at some of the more curious moments of the beautiful game.

Over a hundred short (1-3 page) match reports on some of the more memorably bizarre, scandalous, and/ or historically important games to have taken place everywhere from Dulwich Hamlet FC's old Champion Hill stadium to the Montevideo Arena between 1879 and 1999. Some - often but not exclusively involving those fun-loving South Americans - have horror/ horrible elements; 'Death Of A Referee', 'The Police Open Fire', 'The Soccer War' (the infamous El Salvador-Honduras World Cup qualifier of 1969 played during an increase of tensions between the two countries), 'The Life Or Death Game.' Others ended in tragedy - Highgate United's FA Amateur Cup clash with Enfield in March 1967 was abandoned when lightening claimed the life of the home teams Tony Allden as several stricken players lay writhing in agony on the pitch. Perhaps lesser known is a precedent at Aldershot in 1948 which saw two players - Oswestry's Bertram Boardley and Kenneth Hill of Bovington - killed by a lethal bolt from the blue.

It's not all misery; welcome weird touches include 'Football In Gas-Masks,' 'One-legged Men Versus Women' and 'Football For Pigs.' It is not infeasible that Rob Crossan had a working knowledge of Mr Ward's book when he compiled the frankly, disappointing Football Extreme: The craziest, funniest and most bizarre facts from the world of football (Blake, 2011) ....

[Craig Herbertson]

The strangest games looks good. It should definitely include the one where our captain got a red card without touching his opponent.