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Post by erebus on Feb 14, 2013 11:28:37 GMT
THE CITY is elsewhere on the forum. But what about where it all started down on the farm. We begin with a very brief chapter depicting the ritual of a farmer casually slitting a hogs throat and draining it dry of its blood into a bowl. Lots of emphasis on how ridiculously sharp the blade is etc. Meanwhile a few miles away a huge build up of congested traffic is causing problems and impatience. Three nuns in a Morris Minor are outraged by the young man in his porsche who is tearing around the place and getting to close to their rear end. The guy happens to be a homosexual fashion photographer who is desperate to get his next cocaine fix. A sterotypical family in a caravan with two kids. And of course the Yorkie eating artic lorry driver who, in true Guy N Smith fashion is carrying lots of hazardous chemical cargo. Yep theres a big crash. Lots of mutilation. And the Chemical crash out leak burst and flow into a near by stream ( The Thirst anyone ) The stream leads on to Hobbs Farm and to a pond which waters the animals there.
Hobbs farm is run by ex Doctor Paul Thompson. He and his wife Helene Rusel the famous American author have a whole family group with them. His Brother Richard and wife Jean. Their two kids Marcus and Debbie. Pauls Mum and Dad Alice and Edwin. And finally co worker Arthur and his teenage Daughter Gwyneth who we are told has bouncing breast and wears Mark and Spencers knickers ( did Guy N Smith write this ? ) Pauls pride and joy on the farm are his Tamworth pigs. Also named Buckland whites these are tall in the shoulder, fearsome and have nasty yellow tusks. They also have great strength. That evening the group settle down. Whilst Helene is giving Paul a blowjob and Gwyneth is masterbating in the room down the hall, The animals are drinking the newly contaminated water.
The next day young Marcus and Debbie go and feed Bambi and Thumper the farm rabbits. The screams alert the group. Thumpers gone crackers and bit all Debbies arms and took a chunk from her lips. Meanwhile a pushy cow is squaring up to Gwyneth and her Dad up in the fields. To add to the a gaggle of Geese are give Richard dirty looks as he stands looking out the kitchen window. Things are going down on this farm.
Now the cats have been attacking the sheep. And the rats are acting all cocky too. Meanwhile one of those geese still has a chip on his shoulder and decides to have a go at the family. Thing is they are in doors. But that doesn't stop him crashing through the window. His attempt is in vein as he gets himself stuck. As Arthur is about to shoot the thing dead INDOORS !!! Because any attempt to prise the bird free could result in a broken arm ( thought it was swans who did that )The knackered Goose just dies . Job done. Hungry Cats. Cocky Rats. Brazen Cows and crazy rabbits. But when will the Pigs get involved. Lets see what Chapter 9 brings........
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Post by killercrab on Feb 14, 2013 16:02:55 GMT
THE CITY and THE FARM were the last proper horror trash books I read - loved them both though CITY edges it for me.I've been reading alot of historical books since , though it is this sort of book that will drag me back into the fold.
KC
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Post by erebus on Feb 15, 2013 14:00:49 GMT
...Well chapter 9 brings more flirtacious activity from young Gwyneth, who tries to get in the pants of young Marcus. Its gonna cost him his fiver pocket money though. He holds her to that and looks foward to their next meeting. It never occurs. The dogs have got in on the act now. Gor and Bryn menace the young man whilst he's flying his kite. After various bites he is ushered towards a ravine pit where he plummets to his doom. Arthur Pentecost is unable to sleep. He reflects back on a past bit of incest with his daughter ( freak ) so he grabs his shotgun and decides to check on the pigs. Bad idea. His mangled skull is all that is found the next day. Serves him right. All this is to much for Jean, in a frenzy of delirium she jumps in the Land Rover and flees to safety. Or rather flees into two cows blocking her way to the bridge theres a big smash and she perishes in the melee. The pigs have decided enough is enough. They break out the pens and flood the farm yard. A hundred plus in number. Along with the geese, sheep dogs, cats and now a couple of goats the book becomes like a Night of the Living Dead style homage, with the group stranded indoors whilst the crazed animals hold them in a bizzarre siege . A break by Richard to the Landrover goes tits up. Debbis and Gwyneth rush outdoors at the wrong time and get attacked and torn to shreds by the pigs. The books goriest moment. A battered Richard gets his groin smashed in by a goat who has just seen its partner decapitated , the pigs rush in to finish the job. Upstairs Grandad Edwin has a heartattack with shock. The group are dropping like flies. We are down to three now. With all this horror mayhem and family death Paul and Helene decide theres only one thing to do now, and thats have sex....twice. With the important stuff out the way the decide to leave old Alice locked in her room and make a break for it at night under the cover of dark. Gor and Bryn are not having that though. A chase unfolds and Paul loses his cartoid artery in the process. He does though take down the dogs. Helene flees. To a nearby cave. But those big pussy cats have to have somewhere to keep dry in wet weather. Bad choice Helene. Her eyes go the same way as Pauls throat. Meanwhile back at the farm house old Alice is barrackaded in safely, theres even bars on the windows to prevent those kamikazee geese. But alas they failed to block the chimney, and down they come. Alice doesn't give them the satisfaction of tweaking her to death, she pops her clogs in fear. We end with another tanker falling into a local water supply for the nearby city ( who employs these drivers ? ) Hence the sequel and its title.
The Farm is a lightening fast read and always entertaining. Its quite refreshing too that all the main characters and players perish. Something I always like. Horror novels are not meant to have happy endings. A good little book. Think I will take a journey to THE CITY next.
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ben
Crab On The Rampage
Posts: 22
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Post by ben on Jan 11, 2016 21:01:12 GMT
Just bought both of these books from the dreaded ebay for about a tenner. Not seen them anywhere else. Just hope they're good. Hah
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earl
New Face In Hell
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Post by earl on Oct 5, 2017 12:02:08 GMT
Hello, my name is Earl. I am desperately seeking a copy of Richard Haigh's The Farm. My copy burnt up in a house fire and I have had no luck finding it online. If you would be interested in selling your copy, I would appreciate it. Let me know either way. It was a fantastic book, horror as it should be, unrestrained. Too bad the third part had been written but was never published.
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