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Post by dem on Jun 10, 2009 17:04:06 GMT
Something else that's great about photo-covers. Wanna look sharp? Steal a style from these masters and mistresses of sartorial elegance. Here are some favourites to get things going/ kill unhilarious thread at inception. First up, the indispensable Dennis Wheatley dayglo smoking jacket. Accessorize with a Magnum of Moët et Chandon plus 3 metre Cuban Cigar and you're all set to give some lucky young filly a dashed good rogering! Going for a paddle on the beach? Hide those knobbly knees from cruel public scrutiny and pick up a glamorous, psychotic Russian spy who'll spend the weekend trying to kill you with these Hank Janson waterlogged brown corduroys. Alternatively, you may fancy a nice night in with your boyfriend, in which case you'll give him a surprise he'll never forget with this fetching 'Captain Camp, the saucy pirate' ensemble. Attending a Convention? Worried that nobody famous will want to be photographed being your best mate because you look all drab & limp & boring & pointless? Allow me to recommend the Polka dot dress and bad case of acromegaly combo. Please note, however, that the teddy bear is essential to work this look, otherwise it just comes over as downright perverted. Alternatively, accessorize with a pair of multi-colored Conjurers pop socks if you feel you'll still need to temporarily blind your hot date to cop any action. One more and perhaps most important of all, the humble cloth cap. It's bird-pulling capacity is such as to border on supernatural phenomena. Accessorize with whatever's handy. You won't be wearing it for long in any case. |
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Post by Craig Herbertson on Jun 10, 2009 17:56:27 GMT
Brilliant Dem. Apparently the cloth cap includes an automatic 'whimsical smile'
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Post by marksamuels on Jun 10, 2009 22:09:02 GMT
I'm partial to this author photo, myself.  Rolled-up sleeves on a leather jacket. Keegan-style perm. Sunglasses indoors. Kerrang t-shirt with Iron Maiden motif. Not really. I much prefer the Wheatley style.  Mark S. |
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Post by dem on Jun 10, 2009 23:47:09 GMT
Apparently the cloth cap includes an automatic 'whimsical smile' Seems that appearing on a Confessions cover is enough in itself, Craig. Look at this guy. Sportswear, spacesuit, nothing but a sheet - not a cloth cap to be seen but 'whimsical smile' very much in evidence. Can't believe we got this far without mentioning Vault's very own dashing Dandy of the dissection rooms .... |
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Post by carolinec on Jun 11, 2009 10:04:38 GMT
... but will we ever see Lord P in a cloth cap, I ask myself?  |
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Post by andydecker on Jun 11, 2009 10:50:34 GMT
I don´t know what is more scary: the tie, the jackett or the mustache  On the other hand, Shaw´s leatherjackett is still modern  |
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Post by marksamuels on Jun 11, 2009 14:03:44 GMT
Ah, Sir Les Dawson! Here is he is pictured on the cover of his classic laugh-riot (his one and only novel?) from 1974. Wicked sideburns, delicious brylcreemed side-parting, and mammoth bow-tie. The riotous adventures of comedian Pete Warde (stage name: "Joe King" geddit ) "I slid her tights off and put my hand on her hot bush. She shivered slightly and placed her timid fingers on to my battering ram...well, battering stick at least. I held her up by putting my hands under her delicious bum, and was just on the point of nipping in the wet receptacle, when a gong went "Boom"...I nearly shit myself. Bloody hell, I thought, it's the start of a Tong War." Sheer filth!  Mark S. |
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Post by marksamuels on Jun 11, 2009 14:15:48 GMT
Bill Grundy! Alas, he was never the same after the 1976 Today interview with the Sex Pistols. However, one needs to recall that Grundy himself was tanked on the show, hence his egging on the boys to say something shocking and ending up mouthing a silent "shit!" as it faded to black. Anyway, Bill's guide to his London (Quartet 1979) mainly centres around its best pubs, and there's a mammoth pub crawl from pages 80-95 that cries out for a Vault re-enactment sometime. But what to wear on these occasions? And how should one stand? Let's look at that more closely... Nice.  Mark S. |
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Post by dem on Jun 11, 2009 18:08:38 GMT
... but will we ever see Lord P in a cloth cap, I ask myself? my knees turn to jelly just thinking about it. Mark, there is another Les Dawson novel, a detective caper. I saw a copy for the first time on Sunday just gone (!) but passed 'cause it was relatively recent (1991?) and i fancied John Garforth's twin-tat attack, the Avengers: Heil, Harris! & The Floating Game far more. Will see if my friendly dealer still has a copy this weekend! The Bill Grundy (was Innocent) book looks as timeless as he does. If Talcy Malcy was really that sharp, he'd have drafted BG into the Pistols when Rotten quit rather than Ronnie Biggs and bloody 'Martin Bormann'. Think of the press conferences. Anyhow: Black. You're always safe with uniform black. Unless you sprout a fly's head overnight .... You can't go far wrong with the Lola Pagola look ..... |
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Post by Craig Herbertson on Jun 11, 2009 18:49:43 GMT
Our Mr Probert is definitely my new style counsellor.
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Post by dem on Jun 12, 2009 9:27:30 GMT
Terrifying thought, but by all accounts, the best is yet to come and Lord P.'s next cover appearance will be the most jaw-dropping to date ... Until then, we might pick up some tips from .... The 'seventies Arrow editions of Michael Green's Art Of Coarse ... books are an inspiration. Readers of Guy N. Smith's high watermark The Sucking Pit will know all about the merits of a pair of baggy plus fours in certain situations (ie, the one currently facing the chap on the ... Coarse Sports cover if i'm any judge) while ... Acting preempts and effortlessly improves upon Russell Crowe- Gladiator chic. The .... Golf look is disappointingly humdrum, mind. Where's the cloth cap? He's making no effort whatsoever. |
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Post by andydecker on Jun 12, 2009 12:48:12 GMT
 What message is the golf book sending? Golf isn´t sexy enough for some birds? What where they thinking?
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Post by dem on Jun 12, 2009 13:02:03 GMT
Yeah, but notice what happens when he pulls on his sexy plus fours and remembers the essential headgear. Instant success!
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Post by Johnlprobert on Jun 12, 2009 14:57:34 GMT
This has to be my favourite thread in some considerable time I am going to be involved in some photography for my next book the week after next, so I am definitely going to be taking a cloth cap with me in the hope of giving all at the vault a special frisson of hernia-inducing humour such as only might be found in 'What Rugby Jokes Did Next!' |
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Post by carolinec on Jun 12, 2009 15:55:25 GMT
Yeah, but notice what happens when he pulls on his sexy plus fours and remembers the essential headgear. Instant success! There is something about the cloth cap (or flat cap, as it's known here in Yorkshire). My husband was actually wearing one the first time I laid eyes on him - and he was only in his 30s then!  |
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What message is the golf book sending? Golf isn´t sexy enough for some birds? What where they thinking?
