Milkman!

[franklinmarsh]

Confessions Of A Milkman - Timothy Lea. Futura 1976 Reprinted 1977

ARE YOU GETTING ENOUGH, MADAM?

Meadow Fresh is a small London dairy eager to expand its customers - and what better man to expand them than Timothy Lea? Yes, the hardened survivor of a score of taxing professions is not slow to adapt himself to the demands of his new job. If the ladies seem to be interested in more than a new flavour of strawberry yoghurt, Timmy is prepared to lend them a sympathetic ear - or any other part of the body that appeals. After all, the firm must come first - provided Timmy doesn't beat them to it.

Blimey! That rascal Demonik. There was I , just getting back into a bit of pulp horror when his Olympian shenanigans diverted my concentration.
Like the travelling salesman, the milkie's opportunity to ..erm..comfort the lonely housewife seemed legendary back in the day, and it began to seem that Timmo had missed the float. Derren Nesbitt's The Amorous Milkman had hit the big screen and even those university educated Monty Python boys had provided a little skit involving a milko being lured into the lair of a negligee clad blonde temptress, only to find himself locked in a room with a host of other milkmen, all in various states of aging, or even decay. Subsequently, cinema Confessions man Robin Askwith would scrape the bottom of the churn with LWTs dubious sitcom Bottle Boys. (Coincidently The Ask gets namechecked in this adventure - how post-modern!)
We've moved on a little since '71 and not only is the sex becoming slightly more explicit but it's ousting the comedy which is not only a shame, but makes these a little hard to defend on the (ahem) porn front.
Tim has signed up with Meadow Fresh in an attempt to distance himself from his devious brother in law Sid Noggett.
After a bizarre dream sequence in which Timmo is bathing in asses milk and entertaining a harem until a Sid-visaged eunuch bearing a scimitar threatens to remove his action man kit, he's back learning the ropes with soon to retire ultra-misery Fred Glossop. Fred leaves Tim in charge on a dodgy estate, and our hero is soon chasing a light-fingered junior herbert who's purloined two pintas. These are soon left in the care of a very naked Nyrene Gadney, straight out of her own bath. In attempting to retrieve the stolen milk, Tim ends up in the bath with Nyrene, then on the bathroom floor. He returns to an empty float and congratulates Fred finishing the round so quickly, only to discover their entire cargo has been nicked, and the milkman is responsible for any losses.
Sid is keen to join Meadow Fresh even after getting a beating in a local boozer after being mistaken for Tim by Nyrene's official milko from the rival Universal dairy.
There then follows the expected sexual adventures, mishaps, would be slapstick comedy, unfortunately shorn of the expected frequent cultural references. There are smiles rather than laughs and, although enjoyable, the formula was beginning to run a little thin by now. Women seem more liberated, the race problems are cut down to a 'w*p' during a terrible Al Fresco joke and some sp*de references, and there's an illiberal smattering of homophobia.
Ah well, they can't all be gems.

[ripper]

After stuttering to a halt about 1/3 of the way through 'Confessions from the Beat' by Jonathan May, I thought I would give this one a go. 60 pages in and I agree that the sexual content has ramped up and become more explicit than in earlier books. Sid has been largely absent so far, though he has just joined Meadow Fresh, so no doubt he will be more involved now. I also agree that the humour has taken a bit of a knock in favour of more sex, but I found that, so far, the narrative has flowed fairly well. It's not as funny as other entries but I am getting on with it better than the May book.

[ripper]

About 30 pages to go now. Surprisingly, Sid has only been on the fringe in this entry up to now. The humour has definitely taken a back seat to the sex. Having said that, there's a scene at an open-air opera which made me smile, but belly laughs are few and far between. I think perhaps the formula was beginning to sag by this entry--16 out of 19. The banter between Sid and Timmy is only sporadic here. Timmy's parents feature briefly, but as I said, it's the sex that now dominates. Timmy is in the middle of an orgy with his rival from Universal Dairies attempting to satisfy as many ladies as possible...

[valdemar]

The foil top was well and truly put on this genre, with the classic Monty Python sketch, that on the 'And now for something completely different' movie, ends with Ernest Scribbler[creator of the world's most lethal joke], intoning: "The room is full of milkmen... some of whom are very... old."

[ripper]

All over now. Well, I can see why not many were published after this one, as it is a very different beast from those early entries. More explicit with subdued humour. I did get a chuckle at the end of the orgy scene, though. Still, I have to say that I enjoyed it far more than the Jonathan May I tried to read recently.

I have a copy of 'Confessions from a Haunted House,' the final entry in the Lea series. Does anyone know if it is any good? It was published in 1979, so a while after number 18. I wondered if it continued with the more explicit stuff or goes back to its milder origins and ramps up--relatively speaking--the laughs.

[dem bones]

Apr 8, 2015 19:59:54 GMT ripper said:

I have a copy of 'Confessions from a Haunted House,' the final entry in the Lea series. Does anyone know if it is any good? It was published in 1979, so a while after number 18. I wondered if it continued with the more explicit stuff or goes back to its milder origins and ramps up--relatively speaking--the laughs.

Not got a copy but - for obvious reasons - it's the only one of the later entries I'm interested in. I was hoping .... Film Extra might include some horror movie action but no such luck. Anyway, if you attempt Haunted House, please let us know how you get on with it.

[ripper]

Will do, Dem. I am intrigued to discover if this entry will feature genuine supernatural elements or just drift into Scooby-Do country.

[dem bones]

Adrian Reid - Confessions Of A Hitch-Hiker (Pan, 1975: originally Andre Deutsch, 1970)

Blurb:
"Getting lifts was a piece of cake - not because people are charitable by nature but because we're girls ...

When you like a man you might as well enjoy him to the full, whether you've known him for two minutes or two years ...

I just want to keep on moving ..."

Two gorgeous sixteen year olds take to the road, footloose and free ... to live - and love each moment of life to the full.

"A book chock full of all the goodies of the Permissive Society: sun and fun, freak outs, pot and brickering (stealing to the initiated)" - Liverpool Post

Pan's sort-of attempt at jumping the bandwagon purports to be a "true story" told to the author by 'George' shortly before she thumbed off again, this time for India. Hardy, her partner throughout, was only fifteen when they met on holiday in the South of France, and both hippy chicks were hooked on Tim Hardin, the Beatles, the Stones and the Spencer Davis Group (their all time favourite song was Sonny & Cher's I Got You Babe). George thought it would be a neat idea to hitch to Cannes - dressed in just their bikini's. Can't say I found the girls' adventures exciting or engaging enough to stick with.

[ripper]

I don't know if Pan re-issued 'Confessions of a Hitch-Hiker' to cash in on the popularity of the Timothy Lea books, but Dem's description makes it sound rather different in style, perhaps less humorous, than the sex comedies that were so popular around 1974 from various publishers.