CROAK by Robin Evans

[bushwick]

Sept 3, 2009 7:50:48 GMT H_P_Saucecraft said:

Have you ever read Croak, Bushwick?

'Fraid not HP, though I've read a few John Halkins and Richard Lewises and the like. It definitely fits the bill for the sort of book I'd enjoy.

What's your favourite 'animals on the rampage' book HP? Tough question. Maybe excluding GNS would make it easier, in which case, I'd say 'Slither' by John Halkin.

(damn, i took this fucker off topic again...!)

[Craig Herbertson]

Strange you should mention Twizzle, Caroline. I was a vicarious sufferer. My older brothers saw it and scared me shitless by just telling me how awful it was. Anyone looking at the clip will see just why. Gave me older brother - who was a pretty tough lad - dreadful nightmares.

[H_P_Saucecraft]

I think I'm going to have to cheat, as they're not really animals & go for Spiders/The Web as my favourite so far. I think it must be time to re-read The Rats soon, as I never did finish Domain, I'll do all three in a row.

[dem]

Robin Evans - Croak (Hamlyn, 1981)

Blurb:
As darkness fell, four clammy fingers parted the dank earth .... and a loathsome horror passed over the land.

CROAK
Some lonely marshland is disturbed by a freak whirlwind.
CROAK
A beautiful woman and her young lover are butchered in her bedroom.
CROAK
A man is mysteriously suffocated in the open air outside his country mansion.
CROAK
There follows an increasing spate of weird murders and sexual outrages. Coincidence .... witchcraft .... or sheer insanity?
CROAK
And what has all this to do with toads - 'the Devil's creatures'?

"Police baffled by grisly triple murder reminiscent of Charles Manson's Angels of Satan."

A freak storm, confined to a small pocket of Leefields Park, Gloucestershire. A stream is drained, it's slimy contents sucked up by a mini-tornado and zapped with an electrical charge. The gooey mess of toad-spawn comes down into the trees. And waits.
Ruthless PR consultant Hamilton Saunders is not a man to be crossed, so when he learns of trophy wife Laura's infidelity with "woofter" cross-dressing male model, Rod Ames, there is nothing for it but to butcher them both and disguise the crime as the work of drug-crazed hippie cultists. It almost works. The bloody "Satan Lives", "Acid is groovy" and "Pig" messages certainly give the Police plenty to chew on but not half as much as the corpse of Saunders himself who, on fleeing the scene, is suffocated under a mire of gunk.

Meanwhile in the neighbouring cottage, student Phil Lawson and his girlfriend Trish are awoken by the gale. Trish reckons there's something "uncanny" about it, but then, she's always been highly strung. The cottage belongs to her estranged father, and she's terrified he'll find out she's been there with a guy. Phil nips downstairs and takes a drink of water direct from the bathtap. It tastes - not right. Within days he's overwhelmed with such toad-like cravings as an insatiable appetite for insects and buggery. He's also taken to croaking at inopportune moments. In short, he's becoming a man-phibian.

It's the last day of the summer holidays. Loner and child-genius Terry Gellner is not looking forward to his return to Downsbury Boarding School as his voice still hasn't broken, but at least he has a Tupperware box full of toad-spawn to keep him company. He unwittingly leaves some behind as an unwelcome present for his fourteen year old sister, Alice. What happens next is not very pleasant. Suffice to say, Alice's GP advises Mrs. Gellner to make an appointment for her distraught daughter with Dr. Ludwig Ellen, the highly respected if barking mad psychiatrist.

Downsbury is a Hell on earth for new ticks and, unfortunately, for timid eight-year-old Kitson, Brody, the official school bully, has singled him out for quality persecution. Terry Gellner half-heartedly tries to protect the boy, but this only makes Brody more spiteful. Having coated Kitson's genitals in air-plane glue, Brody steals Terry's toad-spawn and recycles it in the staff's semolina pudding. Even in the wilds of Kenya and Sri Lanka, poor Sister Mary from the Convent of Our Lady of Providence has never tasted anything quite like it, and the young and progressive history teacher, Mr. Neil Williams, is likewise badly affected. All of a sudden he has a terrible urge to travel to London and seek out a Soho prostitute ....

Can nobody save us from death by doom?

[dem]

"As slight as he was, the sudden weight of his piggy-back was too much for her."

Neil's visit to "Delectable Model, Miss Jackie" of Old Compton Street puts a permanent end to a lucrative career, while animal lovers would do well to skip Phil Lawson's raid on old Ernie Palmer's Specialist Pet Emporium. With the death-toll rising fast and the Police still pursuing a non-existent Charles Manson tribute act, those poor souls afflicted by the 'Toad Man' virus are free to go about their deadly, sex-crazed business. A proper Hamlyn 'nasty' in other words, and very worthy of your time. Even the ending makes some kind of sense.

[dem]

Croak - The Movie?

It never entered my mind until now but it transpires that Robin Evans is the same Robin Beresford Evans who co-authored The Experiment, "film rights optioned on both properties." And here's the great man in person (note scary leopard's head paperweight).

[helrunar]

This one sounds really and truly barking... or I guess that should read, CROAKING.

Thanks for the giggles, Lord Demonik--most welcome on this dreary Thursday afternoon.

cheers, H.