The Slime Beast

[dem bones]

Guy N. Smith - The Slime Beast

"There's something the matter with you, old son. You're losing your slime."

Bloody Hell, what a change of pace after the recent Wheatley-thon! A 110-pager that reads more like 40!

The Wash, Lincolnshire: Archaeologists Prof. Lowson, Gavin Royle and Liz Beck are hunting for King John's treasure on the salt-marshes on the outskirts of Sutton village when they discover a hideous, reeking creature lying flat out in the mud. At first they think it's dead, but come the night and it's up and out on the rampage, killing a man, ripping out his entrails and devouring them. Pub Landlord of the Year contender Tom Southgate of The Bull blames the outsiders for disturbing the legendary guardian of the treasure, and rounds up a mob to get rid of them. Soon the trio are under attack from a bunch of torch-bearing hooligans yelling "Grab 'em! Throw them in the quicksands!", with the more pragmatic advising "Give us the girl before you throw her in! Don't waste her! Screw her first!"
Liz, who was a virgin at the outset, has certainly seen a major upturn in her sex life. Smooth operator Gavin has already had a piece of the action, these goons fancy a gang bang, and the hermit who rescues them then attempts to rape her before chasing her topless across the marshes until he falls into the Slime Beast's clutches.
Obsessed with the creature and the fame it can bring him, the Professor is behaving in increasingly irrational fashion and stalks the wasteland with his improvised Slime Beast trap (a fishing net with hooks in). Meanwhile, the army have been brought in, but their bullets and missiles just pass through the monster when it descends on the village for more delicious human intestines. There are several gory deaths, plenty of sex interludes, and everybody you want to die does so (most of them might as well hold "I am going to get killed soon" placards) before it builds to a satisfying showdown. It seems the Slime Beast originated, not from the Earth, but beyond the stars and it crashed to earth on a meteorite.

After all the build up so many of you had given it, I was dreading reading this for fear of being terribly disappointed, but The Slime Beast was everything I'd hoped it would be - a wildly entertaining, no frills, pulp horror classic.

Thanks to ade

[nightreader]

Nothing to add to Dem's excellent summary. "The Slime Beast" delivers on a very basic level, it's definitely a no-frills romp for one of those times when you just dont want to make too much effort to read something.

The Professor is disagreeable from the start and the least likely archaeologist you'd ever come across - he'd never get on 'Time Team'. His neice Liz Beck is virginal fluff, serving no purpose other than to get the menfolk aroused - she does this very successfully. Her charms are soon sampled by Gavin Royle, assistant curator at the British Museum, which again seems hardly likely - it's easier to believe in the Slime Beast.

God knows how, but this does work. It's very basic but you get exactly what you expect. A quick pulpy interlude.

[dem bones]

oh god! just reading your post has made me want to dig this up again. i had a few false starts with GNS but The Slime Beast is magnificent!

some previous comment:

I'm so glad you enjoyed SLIME BEAST - I reckon it's in the top 5 of all british pulp circa 1970's .. maybe number one ! I'll look out for your response to SUCKING PIT ( which is another top 5 candidate) - are these Guy's best ? - they are surely pivotal moments in his canon when everything clicks just right and yes reading them at a hellforleather pace is a requirement of a successful pulp novel in my view. I think a Brit pulp horror 101 thread outlining the *tenets* we feel makes for a great trashy read is absolutely necessary on this fine forum.

killercrab

Possibly GNS' finest. He never could quite capture the hell for leather genius of his early work - even if he did have some damn' good goes at it. Bugger, I'll have to read them again. The Slime Beast marching into the town at night to face the army (oh,my memory!) is just outrageously good fun.

franklin Marsh

It's almost obligatory that that the *menace* must face the British army .. and win. I loved how the crabs took on the blighty tanks in hand to hand. Note the Bats out of Hell never took on a Harrier jump jet ... useless.

The jury is out here on who is the strongest - the Crabs or the Slime Beast...

killercrab

IMHO, the dialogue between Gavin and Liz is some of the funniest I've ever read. I'd be a lot more sociable if that's the way people really spoke

Funkdooby

Started this one today, read about half of it, and it looks like it's going to be my favourite GNS novel.

Dr. Terror

Slimey was my first GNS and I liked its 50s schlock approach.

ripper

There's one cover to TSB where he looks like THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON - sorta. It's still *the* GNS book that is pretty much universally approved and is an enjoyable read time and time again. He might be infamous for the CRAB books - but for a GNS starter book for the uninitiated - THE SLIME BEAST is still the best starting point.

killercrab

[Dr Terror]

admin said:

Started this one today, read about half of it, and it looks like it's going to be my favourite GNS novel.

Dr. Terror

That current honour goes to Tha Cadaver.

[steppedonwolf]

Good fun, this book.

I just wonder how the residents of Sutton felt about being portrayed as torch-and-pitchfork-wielding superstitious peasants! Mind you, if you've been to East Anglia...

[funkdooby]

I've read Slime Beast probably a dozen times, and every time I do I think of GNS sitting in the back of that bullion van with his notepad Still, it's not half bad to knock up one of the all time great pulp novels on the firm's time and still get paid for both jobs

[kooshmeister]

Apr 25, 2009 13:04:54 GMT steppedonwolf said:

I just wonder how the residents of Sutton felt about being portrayed as torch-and-pitchfork-wielding superstitious peasants!

Ah, but "village" always equals backwards superstitious yahoos in fiction.

Great, another one of these things I just have to have. That cover is great. Awkward pose, and the slime beast looks like a pug-nosed Creature from the Black Lagoon.

[kooshmeister]

Started reading this. Was gonna start on Night of the Crabs since I finished Origin, but that drooling monstrosity on the cover of The Slime Beast compelled me to pick it up. So far I'm loving how fast-paced the story is. The locals are a real bunch of hot-tempered ignoramuses and I can't wait for Tom Southgate to die.

Two things annoy me, though. Firstly, Lowson and Gavin continually leap to the wildest conclusions without any evidence. For instance, Lowson is just absolutely certain, without even the slightest bit of doubt, that the Slime Beast is an extraterrestrial. He's right to assume that the museum people would dismiss his theories: it's total nonsense. Whether or not it turns out to be true is immaterial since Lowson makes the theory based on nothing.

I love how he sneers with contempt at the notion of the Slime Beast is an ancestor of humans. As if this is any goofier than it being an alien. He's possibly the stupidest scientist I've seen in a while. As well as the nastiest. He's so hellbent on claiming credit for a discovery (that is outside of his field!) he's scheming to murder Gavin and Liz!

Likewise, I find it hilarious how Gavin just knows that firearms won't harm the Slime Beast, even though he doesn't have a gun at the time he decides this, nor has he seen one used against it before this. He just... decides guns won't work for no reason. Again, it doesn't matter that he's later proved right when Glover tells them his story later. Like Lowson, Gavin makes his incredible deductive leap based on absolutely nothing.

Speaking of Glover, I loved how the guy who makes his living hunting birds is named Mallard Glover.

And secondly, Smith is being annoyingly coy with the Slime Beast's antics so far. Harborne tells Lowson's party of Haywood's death, and Glover himself relates his own experience with the Slime Beast, but both events go unseen by the reader.

At first I thought this was because the archeologists are the viewpoint characters so Smith won't show us what transpires when they aren't there... but then I remembered there's been two scenes so far where the story cuts to the Bull's patrons getting riled up. Why couldn't Smith have cut away and shown us (well, as much as a book can "show") Haywood's grisly demise and Glover's run-in with the monster?

It seems a little disappointing Smith bypasses these potentially fun scenes to give us more of what we "really" need: Gavin and Liz making goo-goo eyes at each other and Lowson being a crotchety bastard. Blargh! I'm uninterested in these people! I want Slime Beasts eating people!

[kooshmeister]

May 7, 2011 11:29:13 GMT kooshmeister said:

It seems a little disappointing Smith bypasses these potentially fun scenes to give us more of what we "really" need: Gavin and Liz making goo-goo eyes at each other and Lowson being a crotchety bastard. Blargh! I'm uninterested in these people! I want Slime Beasts eating people!

And I did indeed get Slime Beasts eating people! Southgate got his, thank goodness, as did that idiot Lowson. The British Army are of course a bunch of useless layabouts more interested in banging the local babes and boozing it up at the Bull than in actually fighting the monster, and of course they're commanded by a glory hound sergeant who wants himself a promotion for killing the monster. The Army really sent the dregs to handle the Slime Beast situation, didn't they? Despite having a frickin' tank at their disposable, these bozos fail to kill the Slime Beast, and it's up to Gavin with a flamethrower to solve the problem plaguing Sutton once and for all (at least until Spawn of the Slime Beast).

Special mention goes to the photographer who has not one but two run-ins with the Slime Beast. He survives the first encounter with it, but not the second. Does this guy have the worst luck or what...?

This is a book I keep returning to over and over and it may be my favorite Smith has done.

[andydecker]

Guy N. Smith - The Slime Beast (NEL, 1976, 110 pages, this edition Grafton, 1989)

Luis Rey

A classic!

[dem bones]

Jan 21, 2022 10:44:41 GMT andydecker said:

A classic!

Don't think I've enjoyed any of his other novels quite as much as The Slime Beast. Love The Festering, Abomination, Crabs on the Rampage and the less celebrated The Living Dead, but this one is just such a treasure — and really sad.

[helrunar]

After reading the comments on the Crabs: Human Sacrifice thread about how uninterested Mr Smith was in his own work and how disappointed a fan was when he was able to contact Mr S about some of his favorite books, I have to wonder if he pissed himself laughing when he came up with these titles. He wrote the books and they moved thousands of units and he was able to see himself referred to as Guy N. Smith, Author of The Sucking Pit and Crabs on the Rampage. It's an accomplishment.

May his memory shine dark.

H.

[Jojo Lapin X]

I am a slime beast! It says so under my name.

[andydecker]

Jan 21, 2022 14:38:06 GMT helrunar said:

I have to wonder if he pissed himself laughing when he came up with these titles. He wrote the books and they moved thousands of units and he was able to see himself referred to as Guy N. Smith, Author of The Sucking Pit and Crabs on the Rampage. It's an accomplishment.

May his memory shine dark.

H.

More often than not the editor or the sales team suggests or sets the title. Especially in the early times at NEL I would bet.

But Smith surely could take a joke. I mean, he wrote things as diverse as Gamekeeping and Shooting for Amateurs, Country Life and She's a Teenage-Swinger! If he didn't have humor, who had?

[Swan]

Jan 21, 2022 18:54:50 GMT Jojo Lapin X said:

It says so under my name.

Not for much longer