|
Post by kooshmeister on Aug 7, 2018 21:01:41 GMT
Hot blonde babe EPA representative Kelly is sent to Deepcore Station in the antarctic, which, despite ostensibly being an American installation, is run by a crazy Russian named Colonel Valentine Tarosh who has a whole squad of Makarov-toting douchebags with scary European-sounding names at his disposal. Hunky man's man Troy Darrow and his best buddy Jack Raines have discovered a dinosaur egg frozen in the ice. Nobody likes Kelly, who has arrived because the egg was technically found in a section of Antarctica that's international, and therefore she's there to ensure it is preserved for the scientific interests of all nations, not just the US' (I was unaware the EPA did this sort of thing, but whatever). Despite her insisting that they study the egg where it is, Tarosh and chief scientist Dr. Lyle Burke dig it out and bring it back to Deepcore where it promptly hatches into a baby Tyrannosaurus rex. Kelly is surprised it hatched so quickly, and then discovers the reason for it; the US government is using Deepcore as a cover to dispose of nuclear waste, which they're burying thousands of feet under the ice. Now Tarosh and Dr. Burke want to infuse the baby T-rex with more radiation to make it grow bigger and bigger so they can study it or something. Even though she's not a biologist or a paleontologist, they insist Kelly handle its care and feeding. She's so enamored with this discovery she has seals killed so that their meat can be fed to the rapidly-growing beast. But when it bites the finger off of cook Mendoza, Burke suddenly begins wondering if making it continue to grow bigger is such a good idea and wants to call the whole thing off. So Tarosh does the only sensible thing and blows him away consequence-free, because of course a former Soviet agent running a US base that's illegally dumping radioactive waste in the antarctic can murder his staff without any blowback. Nobody really considers this too out of the ordinary except Kelly; apparently blatant murder is the norm for US antarctic research stations. Tarosh has decided to make the dinosaur grow to full size, then transport it back to the US so he can profit off of it somehow. He radios the mainland and says Burke committed suicide and Kelly died in a tragic accident, forcing the captive EPA agent to take care of the rapidly-growing T-rex more or less at gunpoint and ignoring everything she and Troy Darrow say. A big cargo plane is flown in along with a security expert friend of Tarosh's who brings a tranquilizer gun. The plan is tranq the dino and put him on the plane. It goes tits-up, the security guy gets killed, the dinosaur escapes, and becomes an unstoppable killing machine who can do everything, always succeeds and pursuing and killing everything it targets, is bulletproof, can leap through the air and take down airplanes and helicopters, and survive living in subzero temperatures for extended periods of time. Tarosh goes full Captain Rhodes, terrorizing the base's staff and forcing them to assist him in his plan to recapture the thing. Despite him having only a handful of loyal fellow Russians, the some forty or fifty odd Deepcore personnel are spineless wimps who obey his every tyrannical whim. Each plan to recapture the thing fails, and multiple attacks against the buildings eventually whittle the personnel down to just Kelly, Troy, Troy's friend Jack, Tarosh, his goons Zalman, Belin and Provkov, Mendoza the cook and a few other nobodies. A plane is sent to find out why Deepcore hasn't been sending progress reports, and Tarosh plans to get the T-rex out on it, but his plan goes awry; despite successfully recapturing the Tyrannosaurus using Kelly as bait (during which Zalman is killed), the dumbshits left to guard it let it get away. Belin and another guy get the plane destroyed by trying to hide behind it; the plane runs over the one guy, and then takes off with Belin hanging onto the landing gear. He loses his grip and falls. The T-rex leaps into the sky and brings the plane down because it's indestructible and can do anything and everything. Obtaining Zalman's Makarov, Kelly, Troy and Jack decide to escape along with Troy's faithful half-wolf sled dog who is of course named Wolf. Belin, who survived his fall somehow, shoots at them with a Weatherby rifle and kills Jack, then gets eaten by the Tyrannosaurus. Tarosh and Provkov get Mendoza and the last remaining Deepcore personnel and reveals he has one particular roid-rage Russian sled dog he calls Grushka. He declares that Kelly and Troy are deserters and must be pursued into the arctic wilderness. Troy is to be killed, while he has "other plans" for Kelly, who he hates for "trying to act like a man," implying he intends to rape her. Mendoza and the others are surprisingly on board with this because everyone in this book is either an idiot or a sadist. Chase, chase, chase, blah, blah, blah, Mendoza gets hurt when shooting at Kelly and Troy causes an avalanche, so Tarosh mercy kills him. Nobody cares much. Grushka turns against his ostensible masters and mauls a guy. Troy tries to do something stupid and gets caught. Provkov moves to shoot him but Clark swipes the "there's a gunshot and the hero thinks he's been hit but then the shooter falls dead revealing the love interest behind him with gun raised" thing from every movie ever. The T-rex attacks, kills the guy Grushka mauled, then finally does us all a favor and bites Tarosh in half. Finally. Good riddance. Kelly, Troy and the final surviving guy, Benson, try to make for a Russian outpost, but Benson dies in another Tyrannosaur attack. Only our two leads and, I think, Wolf the dog make it and are evacuated in a helicopter. As for the T-rex, the ice its standing on breaks free and it drifts away into the arctic ocean like the monster at the end of Frankenstein.
|
|