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Post by dem bones on Oct 19, 2015 17:58:04 GMT
Well, if nothing else, it will keep me out of mischief for a few hours. Kenneth McKenney - The Plants (Golden Apple, Dec 1984) Blurb: It is the most stupendous summer England has ever known. Long hot days relieved by refreshing showers transform the country into a garden of paradise.
In the little village of Brandling, vegetation is growing in lush profusion. Gardens are thriving.
But the people of Brandling are not.
They are being stalked, strangled, mutilated, by...
THE PLANTSThe Bunch Of Grapes public house, Branding (pop. 40), Somerset. The scrumpie fiends are debating the enormous prize marrow - all pulsating 13ft of it - that sprang up overnight in Charlie Crump's vegetable patch, and hasn't stopped growing since. Just look at it, "lying there like a giant's prick." It even makes a guest appearance on the local news. Strange thing, Charlie is a notoriously inept farmer and doesn't remember planting the damn thing. Fred Clark's cabbages are similarly impressive. Must be something to do with the weather as, for once, Britain is the envy of the world on account of an endless summer. Philip Monk, 37, minor TV celebrity on account of his popular science broadcasts, is seriously concerned that man will ultimately be held to account for his desecration of the earth, and the day of judgement may arrive sooner than we think. Alerted by the marrow squash sensation, he leaves London for his home village - Branding - to try patch things up with wife Elizabeth. The sparkle has gone from their marriage, and Philip rarely sees her or the kids, Jacob, 11, and Sara, 7, citing work commitments as an excuse. Before leaving for the West Country, Monk drops by the London University to consult his best pal, Michael Martin, the brilliant biologist. Martin shares his concerns about the marrow and other reported instances of vegetables behaving strangely. He believes that, even as they speak, the plants, disgusted and frightened at what is being done to the planet, are planning a rebellion against mankind. Charlie's marrow is merely the start. Meddling Mabel Crewe loves her roses, but they are growing in such profusion that she has no alternative but to take a shears to them. The roses bite back. Charlie Crump, paranoid that everybody's jealous of his marrow and wants to take it from him, lays into it with an axe. Mabel's roses avenge the death of their comrade. To be continued .... |
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Post by ripper on Oct 19, 2015 19:53:16 GMT
I have heard of neither book nor author before, Dem. Is it all played straight, or are there any knowing winks to the reader?
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Post by dem bones on Oct 20, 2015 7:31:01 GMT
I have heard of neither book nor author before, Dem. Is it all played straight, or are there any knowing winks to the reader? It's about as straight as any novel built around murderous bean sprouts and delinquent daisies can be. Am just reaching the half-way point, and the plants are getting their act together. Dr. Martin and his lab are no more. Old Mabel Crewe has been spared as she is sympathetic to the roses and always apologises before inflicting a pruning, therefore enabling the plants to communicate with her telepathically. Their message for mankind; "We will answer filth with filth, ruin with ruin, destruction with destruction, death with death." Little Sarah Monk (i.e., the hero's daughter) is similarly sensitive and is particularly fluent in sunflower speak. |
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Post by ripper on Oct 20, 2015 10:05:07 GMT
Sounds like you are getting on with it okay, Dem. I noticed that the same author had written something called 'The Changeling' and I did wonder if it was a novelisation of the George C. Scott film but dates didn't seem to agree.
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Post by dem bones on Oct 21, 2015 19:24:25 GMT
Sounds like you are getting on with it okay, Dem. I noticed that the same author had written something called 'The Changeling' and I did wonder if it was a novelisation of the George C. Scott film but dates didn't seem to agree. You know how the Crabs go " click-click-clickety-click"? Well, in this novel, the wannabe triffids go " rustle." Somehow, I reckon that tells you everything you need to know about The Plants. Sadly, that won't prevent my posting further gibberish about it all. Coming up to the home straights now. The plants have cut the telephone wires, leaving the community shut off from the outside world. Two BT engineers are sent to fix the problem, but decide that Branding is too insignificant to trouble themselves with and settle back with their tea and daily papers. Ted Wilkes, 80, a deeply religious tree-hugger, always knew he'd be around for the end of the world, and now his ambition is about to be realised, he's jubilant. Eric Bolton, Branding's greediest man, reckons Ted and PC Percy Walker have rigged up Charlie Crump's property with mechanical plants and hidden tape recorders to make rustling noises and scare away trespassers and nosey parkers. Why would they go to all that trouble? Maybe Charlie hid some loot around the dump, or perhaps the secret behind his legendary marrow. PC Walker sets off for Taunton to get help. No sooner has he driven out of the village than he's ambushed and hemmed in by malevolent greenery. It's a case of remaining in his car and suffocating or taking his chances versus the encroaching trees, grass and thickets ... Philip Monk had best get a move on if he's going to save the planet. There's less than sixty pages to go! |
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Post by dem bones on Oct 22, 2015 11:45:21 GMT
"You won't believe this, but he was mauled by a hedge. Believe it or not, it just grew into him." Don't worry, Mr. Harry Reynolds of the Taunton Agricultural department. I've read Pestilence. I'll believe anything. Despite the above, and with the best will in the world - I really wanted to love The Plants - the novel is ultimately disappointing. Four deaths - one off-page - and zero bad sex do not a catastrophe novel make, and the ending is just plain weedy. With mankind having learned it's lesson, the plants go back to normal - they even say sorry for killing the local bobby because they were fond of him. |
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Post by ripper on Oct 23, 2015 11:05:44 GMT
Dem, your summary was very entertaining as usual, and I enjoyed reading it. It is a shame that the book itself was overall disappointin.
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Post by dem bones on Oct 23, 2015 11:33:23 GMT
To be fair, this has been an exceptional month for self reading wise, and Mr. McKenney wouldn't normally come up against such strong competition as Edward Levy's The Beast Within, Nick Sharman's Scourge, and Edward Jarvis's endearingly, memorably mad Pestilence. I've read a lot worse than The Plants, that's for sure. |
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