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Post by dem bones on Sept 19, 2015 16:29:48 GMT
Third in our exciting BODY PARTS series which everybody nobody in their right minds is talking about. Man the 'dislike' button for ---- David Weiss PENILE DEMENTIA David Langford - The Thing In The Bedroom: ( Knave [UK], Nov. 1984. Karl E. Wagner [ed.], Years Best Horror Stories XIII, 1985). Mr. Smythe, occult sleuth, raconteur and, until very recently, ladies man, confides the details of latest adventure to his ever-diminishing circle at The King's Head ("Even the popular Mr. Jorkens had ceased to come when the landlord installed his third Space Invaders machine"). Smythe's client, Mrs. Pring, is the middle-aged proprietor of a seaside B & B at Dash where any comely young woman who spends the night in a certain room is apt to leave abruptly the following morning in a state of outrage and some embarrassment, the most vocal complaining of a ghost that needs to be laid. Only when Smythe adopts very sexy feminine attire does he learn the awful truth that a DISEMBODIED PENIS prowls the premises, and has done since poor Mr. Nicholls caught himself in the door. Nicholas Royle - Ours Now: (Karl E. Wagner [ed.], Years Best Horror Stories XVII, 1989). Yuppie horror. A commodity broker receives a stream of unsolicited porn mags through the post depicting people with their private parts pierced in decidedly Psychic TV fashion. He is eventually lured to the house in Finchley where these extreme masochists do something very cringe-inducing to his JOHN THOMAS with a Filofax. John Llewellyn Probert - Size Matters: The Black Book Of Horror, 2007: Wicked Delights, 2010).). "His penis looked like the HUGE MAROON SALAMI SAUSAGE that he had seen on Nigella Lawson's cookery programme last week, right down to the runny brown gravy she had poured over the end ...."Funded by the unexpected fortune left him by his late mother, Harry Walker decides to splash out on an extension in the hope it will improve his luck with women. As we can see from the passage quoted above, the operation conducted, by the dubious plastic surgeon Dr. Lockhampton, doesn't go as well as it might and the resultant gangrene sees poor Harry bitterly regretful that he tampered with his HEALTHY SIX INCHES. A chance meeting with a crone along the abandoned railway line restores what he's lost - with way too much interest. Franklin Marsh - The Glans Of Orlok: ( Auld Franklin's Almanack Of Doom, 2015). Ralston the rapist lies dead in his grave - most of him, anyway. Seems our man neglected to tick the opt-out box on the organ donation register and now Michael (née Michelle) Orlak, is prowling the night with an ABSOLUTE WHOPPER stuffed down his Chinos. Such a shame it is demoniacally possessed! R. Patrick Gates - A Hard Man Is Good To Find: (Jeff Gelb & Michael Garrett (eds.) Hotter Blood, 2001). Lisa discovers that dead guys last longer when she shacks up for the weekend with a coke-addled construction worker. He has a stroke mid-session, but she's kinda preoccupied and doesn't notice he's dead until she spots the roach crawling along his ..... Raymond Williams - Man-Hunt: (Herbert Van Thal [ed.], 9th Pan Book Of Horror Stories, 1968. Two years ago, John Blandon raped and mutilated June Kent and scattered her body parts across London. At his trial he put on such a great play of lunacy that the judge bought it, thus sparing his neck. Now he's on the run with the dogs closing in. He chances on the house of a middle aged woman and her daughter. This'll do nicely. Perhaps they might even be up for a threesome - not that they'll have any say in the matter should the mood take him. As it happens, with no prompting from him the girl - Pat, her mother calls her - comes to his room dressed in a sexy black negligee. If only Blandon had thought to ask her surname he might still be possessed of a fully functioning GENTLEMAN's ORCHESTRA. In a similar VEIN: Ian McEwan - Pornography: (Herbert Van Thal [ed.], 22nd Pan Book Of Horror Stories, 1981. Suitably gross offering, set in '70's Soho. O'Bryne is two-timing a pair of nurses, neither of whom have yet discovered that he's given them VD. They won't be too happy when they find out, then ... Mark Samuels - Keeping Your Mouth Shut: (Charles Black [ed.], Sixth Black Book Of Horror, 2010). Author cuts own dick off in exasperation at aggressive vote canvassing campaign staged by rival to scoop lit award. Hilarious parody or embittered career suicide note? Probably both. Richard Laymon - The Maiden: ( Dreadful Tales, 2001). Is Lost Lake really haunted by a PENIS-EATING phantom swimmer? Horny teenager Elmo Blaine is about to find out. Elmo's the new kid in school and he's already upset Prom-Queen-in-waiting Lois Garnett by peeking down her blouse. Now her boyfriend, Cody, and his best pal, Rudy, have invited him out to the woods for the evening. The way they tell it, they're fixing him up with a gorgeous chick who reckons he's hot. Only thing is, he has to swim out to the island to meet her. Elmo, who doesn't get much babe action on account of he's lardy, is up for this - until Rudy let's slip about the Maiden. Forty years ago, a girl drowned here after she'd been gang-raped by her date and his buddies on Prom night. Now she lurks in the depths, patiently awaiting another opportunity to sink her teeth in. Edward Bryant - A Sad Lost Love At The Diner Of The Damned: (John Skipp & Craig Spector [eds,], Book Of The Dead, 1989). The dead still sodomise. Denis Wheatley - The Devil Rides Out (Hutchinson, 1935). All that agro over a mummified PHALLUS ... Derek Hyde-Chambers - The Orgy Of Bubastis, 1974). It is completely beyond my negligible talent to synopsise this mindblowing novel. Suffice to say, there were a lot of DRUGS around in the early seventies. Contains at least one episode of EXTREME PENIS TERROR. .... and SF rears its ugly PURPLE HELMET Hunters Adam - The Man From Planet X series: #1 The She-Beast, #2: Tiger By The Tail, #3 The Devil To Pay (all Pinnacle, 1975). Never seen hide nor hair of any of 'em, so take your pick from: "That incredible stud, Peter Lance, in another wild, erotic adventure!" (Front cover blurb: Tiger By The Tail)
"Sci-fi hero with a peculiar penis. D plus." (Dilys Wynn, Murder Ink: The Mystery Reader's Companion, 1977).
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Post by ohthehorror on Sept 19, 2015 16:58:16 GMT
That's a great piccy...
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Post by dem bones on Sept 20, 2015 5:57:15 GMT
That's a great piccy... It's an even better story, arguably the quintessential shudder pulp, though I think the artist has indulged in a certain amount of creative licence as can't say I recall the "filthy human moles" forgetting their manners to that extent (although its true they all wore beards). I'm sure several Ramsey Campbell titles qualify for this thread. Merry May certainly, and The Seductress among the likely suspects.
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Post by the paperback fanatic on Sept 20, 2015 9:23:32 GMT
I think it's about time someone grappled with such a serious subject Dem, and as ever your services to academia in horror are much appreciated.
Incubus by Ray Russell is in especially bad taste as the girth sported by the demon causes serious damage. Very slimy. Reads like Ray Russell's personal sex fantasy. Eve of Midsummer features a well endowed homonuculus kept in a cage in a cellar - everyone home should have one. Homonuculus by Kenneth Rayner Johnson - not read it, but get the impression it's along those themes The Hot Blood series - I'm sure there is at least one monster penis story in the ten-odd volumes!
There was a notorious underground comix by Greg Irons in an issue of Skull. I think it might have been A Tall Tail? A dwarf who is shunned by the local townspeople discovers an instant growth serum. Whilst in coitus with one of the townies he injects himself with the growth serum with instant results....
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Post by Deleted on Sept 20, 2015 10:37:37 GMT
Surely an honourary mention must also go to THAT scene in Shaun Hutson's ASSASSIN where poor Nikki Jones gets a mouthful of maggots after she gives a blowie to one of the zombies...
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Post by Deleted on Sept 20, 2015 16:38:34 GMT
MIRROR by Graham Masterton: Investigating rumours that the antagonist is searching for the pieces of Satan's dismembered corpse with the intention of putting him back together again, a priest descends into the basement of a deserted hotel. Here he finds a box containing Beelzebub's two-foot long toothed phallus, which springs to life, forces itself into the priest's throat, bites through his body and exits via his stomach (or possibly his crotch -- I'm not sure if I've added that particular embellishment myself or not).
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Post by dem bones on Sept 20, 2015 19:33:40 GMT
Thank you kindly for your mouth-watering suggestions, gents. Speaking of Mr. The Joys Of Sex ... Graham Masterton - Bridal Suite: (Ramsey Campbell [ed.], New Terrors, 1980). Honeymooning couple Peter and Jenny learn the hard way that, whatever is causing that enormous bulge in the sheets, it ain't a busted spring in the mattress .... David Drake - Smokie Joe: (Michel 'Linda Lovecraft' Parry [ed.], More Devil's Kisses, 1977). "His cock, it looks like it's rotting." Doomed crime boss, Big Bob Mullen, doesn't believe the bulge in live sex performer, Prince Rupert's loincloth can possibly have been achieved without padding. He's wrong. As Smokie Joe, the diabolical Mr. Fix-it, glibly explains. "He has lymphogranuloma, and the scarring in his case has led to elephantiasis." And yes, the condition is contagious. Charles L. Grant, who reprinted Smokie Joe in Terrors (1982), was under the mistaken impression that it was this story saw The Devil's Kisses "banned in Great Britain and all copies to be seized by Scotland Yard." Gross, but no cigar. Then there's James Herbert's The Fog (1975). In one particularly harrowing scene, sadistic PE teacher Mr. Osborne gets his when the yellow cloud descends upon his pupils. Shears looking at you, teech!, as the Old Witch might say. The Hot Blood series - I'm sure there is at least one monster penis story in the ten-odd volumes! Robert R. McCammon's voodoo-enhanced The Thang from the first book most definitely warrants inclusion on this thread, and, as mentioned, R. Patrick Gates gives a whole new meaning to the word cockroach in volume two. Hot Blood and Hotter Blood were big hits with me, but, for some mysterious reason, found the third volume, Hottest Blood, so limp I abandoned the series. Really ought to give it another go.
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Post by franklinmarsh on Sept 20, 2015 20:59:29 GMT
Incubus by Ray Russell is in especially bad taste as the girth sported by the demon causes serious damage. Very slimy. Reads like Ray Russell's personal sex fantasy. I remember this being passed around at school. It was an influence on TGOO - I almost used the line (regarding the demon's ejaculate) "There must have been pints of the stuff!"
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Post by franklinmarsh on Sept 20, 2015 21:00:07 GMT
Surely an honourary mention must also go to THAT scene in Shaun Hutson's ASSASSIN where poor Nikki Jones gets a mouthful of maggots after she gives a blowie to one of the zombies... I've so been trying to forget that...
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Post by bobby on Sept 21, 2015 1:21:57 GMT
Robert Bloch-"The Model" (Gallery, November 1975; reprinted in his collection Cold Chills, 1977) A man finds out (the hard way) that a female fashion model is actually an alien. To "pass" as human she has to wear an artificial head, because her race doesn't have heads. Her eyes are where her nipples should be, her navel serves as a nose, and her mouth...
Caitlin R. Kiernan-"Anamorphosis" (Lethal Kisses, edited by Ellen Datlow, 1996; reprinted in her collection Tales of Pain and Wonder, 2001 and 2008) A psychic is called on to investigate the slaughter of a pedophile who had kidnapped a (female) child, videotaped their sex acts, and shared the videos with others, and to try to find the child, who has disappeared. All that seems to be left of the pedophile is entrails hanging from the ceiling light fixtures, and blood everywhere. The psychic finds, behind the couch, a "fairy ring" of mushrooms growing out of the hardwood floor...and the pedophile's genitals are in the center of it. The psychic eventually learns that fairies (which are insectlike and inhuman) castrated and slaughtered the pedophile, and took the child to the land of the fairies.
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Post by dem bones on Sept 22, 2015 16:20:29 GMT
Many thanks to Justin for providing the Homunculus scan. Big ones and maggotsI figured we'd have threads for this pair, and sure enough. Ray Russell - IncubusShaun Hutson - AssassinGlaring Omission"I've been walking around like this for two days. Had to wear a pair of baggy plus-fours in order to hide it!' (Clive Rowland achieves supernaturally enabled state of constant arousal in The Sucking Pit) It defies reason that Guy N. Smith, Monarch of Bad Sex, has yet to feature on this thread. Consult Funky's Sex in Smithland immediately. CorrectionA case of mistaken identity, it wasn't Hottest Blood failed to scare me stiff but Nancy Collins & Edward Kramer's Forbidden Acts, which, bar from the contributions of Karl E. Wagner of Howard Kaylan, didn't really do it for this reader. Too highbrow, my dears.
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Post by bobby on Sept 23, 2015 3:04:18 GMT
Isn't there a castration in "The Lawnmower Man"?
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Post by ripper on Sept 23, 2015 12:22:57 GMT
The Big Head by Edward Lee features an inbred monstrosity with a giant ahem who rapes backwoods gals to death. There's also a pair of moonshine-running punks with a similar disposition, only they are rather less well endowed.
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Post by dem bones on Sept 25, 2015 17:51:50 GMT
The Big Head by Edward Lee features an inbred monstrosity with a giant ahem who rapes backwoods gals to death. There's also a pair of moonshine-running punks with a similar disposition, only they are rather less well endowed. Thanks, Rip ... I think (!). David Campton - Alderman Stratton’s Fancy:(Richard Davis [ed]., Tandem Horror 3, 1969). Eyelashes notwithstanding, Miss Irene Stratton's newly adopted pet is an animated dick by any other name. Andy Decker's review of Jack Shackleford's Eve Of Midsummer. Under consideration: Bill Garnett's The Crone (Sphere, 1984, St. Martins 1987) According to Mr. Fanatic, "there is a passage where the a woman imagines the blob-thing has a huge phallus."
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Post by dem bones on Sept 29, 2015 7:37:26 GMT
Ron Dee - Genderella. Tommie's dreamy Prom night ends in conjoined penis horror as the clock strikes midnight, and he and his lover fuse head-to-head. Grant Morrison - The Room Where Love Lives. As the bodies entwine and skins slide and flow during a group-sex orgy, Giselle is briefly transformed into Edwina Dildo-Hand. From Hottest Blood, need you ask.
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