Angus Hall - Deathday

[dem bones]

Angus Hall - Deathday (Sphere, 1969: Originally Herbert Jenkins, 1968, as Qualtrough)

Acorn Litho Feltham Middlesex

Blurb
Lydia Crosse was brutally dead.

No-one suggested that Adam Crosse, beneath the respectable exterior of a suburban reporter was a psychopathic killer.

Adam had a perfect alibi. At the hour of her death he had an appointment with a man named Qualtrough, and witnesses to prove it. Qualtrough didn't exist because Adam invented him. He enjoyed his newfound freedom and his new mistress.

Until the stranger arrived. The stranger who said his name was Qualtrough.

Meet Adam "Vigilans" Crosse, 44, everyone's best mate. Crosse is an investigative journalist on The Attlee Forum, fighting the good fight versus crime, corruption and teen tearaways on behalf of his Suburban neighbours. He's also a misanthrope, a keen student of criminal history, and, despite his loathing of womankind, a would-be stud. His one regret is marrying Lydia. Look at the dowdy, pathetic lump of lard, snoring her head off! Life would be so much better without her. Well, thanks to his daring, superbly constructed, foolproof scheme, he'll not have to suffer her beyond tonight. In just a few hours he will brutally murder her, safe in the knowledge that the crime will be blamed on irate Forum correspondent "Mr. Qualtrough" a man who doesn't exist!

Perhaps the back-cover blurb was written for a different novel, because, right from the off, Inspector Schofield knows Crosse is guilty as sin - his alibi is just too well-documented, and, "outside of your lunatic imagination, Qualtrough doesn't exist." Even Crosse's own lawyer laughs off any suggestion that he is innocent. But with only circumstantial evidence to offer, the prosecution's flimsy case is dismissed by the Lord Chief Justice as the worst to come before him in all his years. The notorious 'Sun Shield murderer' has outsmarted everyone! Crosse emerges from the Old Bailey a hero. A certain disreputable Fleet Street scandal-sheet offer him a huge cash sum for his story - so long as it takes the form of a confession.

Crosse has better things to do, namely the latest woman of his dreams, Mrs Eva Bishop, whose coolness in delivering her testimony so impressed him. She may live in the seedy part of town ("The Crumbles"), but Eva is bright, attractive, cultured, unattached (estranged husband currently serving a prison sentence), and a nymphomaniac. They hit it off immediately. Happy days are here again! Until ....

[To be continued .....]

[dem bones]

Eat your heart out, Psycho!

An engrossing read reaches the fabled "unputdownable" stage when the odious Qualtrough shows up on Crosse's doorstep and Deathday takes on a doppelgänger weirdness reminiscent of L.P. Hartley's W.S..

Qualtrough is roughly the same age as Adam, self-assured, ex-military, with a mind like a sewer. He resents taking the blame for Crosse's cowardly crime and has determined to extract retribution. Our self-styled "gentleman of means and leisure" has no interest in financial gain. Instead, he will move in at 'Trimalchio' indefinitely. For the duration of the visit, Crosse will be his obedient servant in all things, but then, as a closet "queer", he'll doubtless enjoy the humiliation. That's the worst of it: creepily, Qualtrough knows Crosses every last, dark and dirty little secret, not least the existence of his 'Death Diary'. This scrapbook, compiled over several decades, consists of press clippings detailing the exploits of his beloved heroes, Crippen, Heath, Burke & Hare, Param Youngblood, de Rais (Crosse's bookcase boasts copies of Charles Duff's A Handbook On Hanging, William Bolitho's Murder For Profit, and, his bible, The Golden Year Book Of Marcus Aurelius). The intruder is also an authority on "that pretentious cow" Eva's lurid past. One small consolation: at least he's Crosse's equal in woman-hating.

As 'Trimalchio' is fast reduced to a pigsty and Crosse realises that Eva is no huge improvement on Lydia, 'The Sun Shield murderer' hatches another of his over-elaborate schemes, this time intent on killing two foul birds with one stone.

Truly madly recommended reading.