Frank Coffey - Modern Masters Of Horror

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Frank Coffey (ed.) - Modern Masters Of Horror (Berkley, 1988. Originally Ace, 1982)

Introduction - Frank Coffey

Stephen King - The Monkey
William Hallahan - The New Tenant
Robert Bloch - In The Cards
George A. Romero - Clay
John Coyne - A Cabin In The Woods
Robert R. McCammon - Makeup
William F. Nolan - The Small World Of Lewis Stillman
Davis Grubb - The Siege Of 318
Richard Laymon - The Champion
Gahan Wilson - The Power Of The Mandarin
Ramsey Campbell - Horror House Of Blood
Felice Picano - Absolute Ebony
Graham Masterton - The Root Of All Evil
Gary Brander - Julian's Hand
Jere Cunningham - The Face

Looking forward to re-reading this as I certainly rated the Romero, Grubb, Laymon, Coyne and Campbell stories first time around, and if I can't remember the others I do recall being mightily impressed with the collection when I bought it.

George A. Romero - Clay: New York. Poor, retarded Tippy has been left alone to fend for himself since the deaths of his sluttish mother and abusive father, a despised cop on the take. But he's remained a good Catholic and the highlight of his week is when he pours out his sins to the old Monsignor in the confessional box. He's not unduly lonely, either, due to the clay effigies he's build of his dead family and 'friends', although it's very frustrating that his absolute favourite, Lucille, keeps coming apart whenever he sticks his banana in her. What she needs is a frame, some kind of skeleton, to make her more durable ....

Davis Grubb - The Siege Of 318: "I see no Glory. I see poor fools butchering each other for reasons kept secret from them .... No, dads. There are no fields of honour. There are only insane abattoirs."

Glory, West Virginia, 1932. Sean Pollixfen lost his arm at Ypres during thee battle of the Somme, yet still he looks back on the Great War with fondness - they were glorious times, shame they had to end. Don't despair, Mr. Pollixfen! Uncle Liam has just sent your ten year old son Benjy a box of five thousand tins soldiers - "Boche, French and English" - plus accessories and the good old days are about to be re-enacted in your very own back garden!

Gary Brander - Julian's Hand: Julian Dunbar, a mild-mannered accountant at Datatrom Systems, has an embarrassing and, initially, terrifying problem. That unsightly rash under his left armpit has spawned a lump the size of a walnut - and it's still growing. He can't tell his wife, Margaret - she'll just lay into him about how useless he is like she did last week when he failed to secure a promotion to Sales from vice-president Mr. Biggerstaff - and Dr. Volney is an ineffectual idiot who says 'ha ha' to everything.

The lump sprouts fingers. It is soon a fully developed third arm. And then, it starts to move independent of Julian's control, goosing Tina Cross, a "well built, brunette" secretary, in the elevator. By a stroke of good fortune, Tina is delighted and soon he's enjoying a steamy affair, but once his wife learns of his betrayal things move toward their dreadful end. When the arm throttles Margaret, Julian decides to do what he should have all along. He takes a carving knife from the kitchen and ....

Richard Laymon - The Champion: Northern California. The clientele of Roy's Bar & Steak House force Harry Barlow to participate in the Saturday Night Fight. He and the undefeated champion are manacled by one ankle and forced to slash and stab at each other until one of them is killed. Similar in plot to Hans Heinz Ewers' ghoulish Tomatoe Sauce but far more E.C.

Robert R. McCammon - Makeup: Calvin Doss is hired by Mr. Marco to steal the make-up case that once belonged to Joan Crawford from the Hollywood Museum Of Memories. Due to the incompetence of some museum employee, he winds up with an item from the Chamber Of Horrors - the warpaint trove of horror actor Orlon Kronsteen, star of Dracula Rises, Revenge Of The Wolf, London Screams, The Invisible Man Returns, and The Man Who Shrunk. Those who've read Robert Bloch's The Chaney Legacy will know what happens when Doss decides to experiment with some slap.

William F. Nolan - The Small World Of Lewis Stillman: Stillman, possibly the last man alive, is holed up in the sewers below LA, hiding from the tiny savages the aliens have left in charge of the planet following their effortless conquest. Stillman's love of books proves his downfall - never take Ernest Hemingway to heart - and we end with a dramatic revelation.

Chetwynd-Hayes ripped the plot off wholesale for his short story The Brats!

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Ramsey Campbell - Horror House Of Blood: David Lloyd is producing his first horror film built around the flimsy premise of the put-upon wife who goes insane and butchers her husband. The budget is sub-meagre and Lloyd approaches Frank and Marilyn Taylor with a view to shooting the gory stabbing scene at the top of their creaky staircase as that ominous door is just so right!

The Taylors cheerfully agree, but Marilyn is soon onto her husband about how she can't stand the way Lloyd bullies his timid co-starlet, his wife. She's none too happy that he's commandeered her knife for a walk on part as the 'murder' weapon either - it's the one mum gave her: she uses it for chopping vegetables.

The small crew pack up and leave with their prize footage but for the Taylors the real horror is about to begin ...

Graham Masterton - The Root Of All Evil: "Hunched, cloaked, with a head like a camel only with rows and rows of teeth. Legs and claws like a vulture. A creature without any mercy or feeling."

One stormy night Edmond Daniels, New York Taxi driver, failed genius and would-be architect, picks up a black guy who wants to be driven to A Harlem tenement where he has an urgent package to deliver. Against his better judgement, Daniels takes the fare, but it's a wasted journey. John Bososama had been hoping he could save a girl's life by means of certain voodoo effects but when they arrive she's already been murdered, a hatstand driven clean through her body. Bososame explains that Eblis, the Islamic Devil, (an old friend from the terrific climax to Beckford's Vathek) is at large in Manhattan - and now it's onto him. In the event of his violent death, he'd like the cabbie to do him one final kindness.

Loses a bonus point for gratuitous reference to vomit-inducing Dean Friedman song but wins it back tenfold with explosive exorcism-in-morgue scene. This is one hot collection and no mistake.

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The stupendously boring cover of the Robert Hale hardcover edition, 1985

Jere Cunningham - The Face: Even as he's making love to his wife, our narrator fantasises about his cute teenage neighbour and the attractive widow across the street. Good clean innocent dirty fun - until the phantom jogger shows up in town and both women are brutally raped within days of one another. Now our man wakes to his wife's terrified screams to find a third party, not only sharing their bed, but savagely molesting her. The sex-fiend turns a hateful face toward him ....

Robert Bloch - In The Cards: After three successive box-office flops, movie star Danny Jackson's thirty years in showbiz suddenly don't count for much. With his Martini habit out of control, a career on the skids, and Lola threatening to pack her bags, he visits a fortune teller. The old woman breaks it to him gently. "You will die on Saturday night." That was four days ago. On Friday he was rushed to hospital after collapsing in his agent's office but today is ... Sunday! Let's have a big drink at a strip-joint to celebrate!

Yet another neat Bloch story sacrificed to a particularly groan-inducing pun.

William Hallahan - The New Tenant: Bobby is ousted from his body by late business partner, Leo Hemmings. It's all part of a diabolical plot hatched by Hemmings and wife when Leo was diagnosed of heart disease. Now essence-of-Bobby seeks out someone to displace. Someone who really deserves it. The pick of the three stories, but if you don't see the last line coming you've yet to read too much horror fiction.