John Burke - That Magnifcent Air Race

[dem bones]

John Burke - That Magnifcent Air Race (Pan, 1965)

Glenn Steward

Narrated, several decades after the event, by Tremayne Gascoyne, one-time aeronautical correspondent for The Daily Post, who believes that, had he been American, his services to journalism would have been awarded a Pulitzer, but that's blasted cheating foreigners for you.

It is 1910, and Lord Rawnsley, publisher-owner of The Post is persuaded by his prospective son-in-law, Richard Mays, to sponsor an Air Race from London to Paris. Britannia already rules the waves, now it's time to conquer the skies otherwise, next thing you know, the Yanks and the French will think they're better than us at something! The pompous old fool isn't too sure - "The trouble with these international affairs is that they attract foreigners." - but eventually stumps up an astronomical ten grand in prize money, with one stipulation. "I expect it to be won by an Englishman."

The dashing Richard, as mentioned, is engaged to Lord Rawnsley's beautiful daughter, Patricia, a headstrong young lady whose dream is to fly. Her father can rarely find it in himself to deny her anything, but on this occasion he expressly forbids Mays to let her anywhere near his cockpit. Patricia sulks and schemes.

Chapter four, and we already have 87 entrants, though budgetary constraints dictate that we concentrate only on realistic contenders. The lot of the pioneering aeronaut is, of course, fraught with peril, and French ace Pierre Dubois narrowly escapes death while leaning out of his monoplane to get a better look at an artist's model stretched out naked in the sand. Monsieur Dubois must be considered among the clear favourites. Captain Rumpelstrosse, volunteered by his craven superior Colonel Manfred von Holstein, is under the Kaiser's orders to win for the fatherland. Other hopefuls include Count Emillo Ponticelli of Italy, Orvil Newton & George Gruber from the American South West, and the lunatic Japanese, Yamamoto, in his hybrid death trap. Above all these, Sir Percy Ware-Armitage, beastly cad, bounder, and rotter of the first order, must surely be in with a shout "Banned from his club for not paying his debts and from every vicarage garden party in the Home Couinties for cheating at hoop-la," Ware-Armitage is England's premier pilot, and a jolly junket to Gay Paree holds no fear for him. Before a propeller's been spun, the swag is as good as his, because "I never leave's anything to chance, Miss Rawnsley."

To be continued ...

[dem bones]

The competitors are now arrived in Blighty, training at Brookley airfield, where the sessions have soon degenerated into a who can most spectacularly crash land on the sewage farm contest.

As a Suffragette, Miss Rawnsley is not going to have fuddy duddy Daddy or any ridiculous man tell her what she can and cannot do. A chance encounter with Orvil Newton - he gallantly intervenes when Patricia's skirt is caught in her bicycle chain - provides an opportunity she is quick to exploit. As he returns her the torn garment, Orvil blithely lets on that, back home, he's forever introducing young dames to the majesty of his cockpit. Well, he is rather a good looking chap, she supposes, even if he soon demonstrates a handy if unwelcome talent for divesting her of her clothing each time they meet, and it wouldn't hurt to make Richard that teeniest bit jealous.

Jolly good fun as it's been meeting our colourful overseas contestants, as with the film so too the book. You turn the pages in eager anticipation of Sir Percy's next outage. He really is the most beastly bad egg.