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Post by jkdunham on Jun 15, 2008 21:41:51 GMT
I prefer the spaceman cover as that is clearly the same ladder used in confessions of a painter and decorator Well spotted, Craig! I expect that once they'd forked out for nine yards of Bacofoil and rented her outfit off The Clangers, the budget just wouldn't stretch to hiring a proper space ladder. Robin Askwith was clearly not happy about having to work with this old wooden ladder while the others got a nice new metal one. Mind you, he could obviously still pull the birds even without a shiny set of stepladders.
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Post by carolinec on Jun 15, 2008 22:11:48 GMT
That Long Distance Lorry Driver cover is priceless! Were flat caps and string vests ever considered 'saucy'? Only up here in Yorkshire! At last, a Robin Askwith pic too!!
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Post by Craig Herbertson on Jun 15, 2008 23:21:08 GMT
That was the great thing though - the nonexistent budget. Robin was Mr. confessions though. No one could match that guileless smile
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Post by jkdunham on Jun 15, 2008 23:37:50 GMT
That Long Distance Lorry Driver cover is priceless! Were flat caps and string vests ever considered 'saucy'? Only up here in Yorkshire! At last, a Robin Askwith pic too!! Especially for Caroline - Robin Askwith in a flat cap!
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Post by dem bones on Jun 16, 2008 1:28:55 GMT
Return Of The Living Window CleanerWhistling fellows in cloth caps brandishing a ladder, shammy and pail of soapy water were still considered the last word in PHWOAR! as recently as June 2004 if this sizzling tribute from brain straining computer mag .net is anything to go by. Corkers, S! That bra-tastic ... Shop Assistant cover is a bit steamy. Phew, what a blooming scorcher!
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Post by Craig Herbertson on Jun 16, 2008 5:29:01 GMT
Phoar. One of my best mates dad's was a window cleaner. Confirmations from various resources revealed that a cloth cap, a head for heights and a shammie leather were all that one needed to seduce streets full of lonely women. The old OMO washing powder placed in the window sill and nudge nudge. Wish I'd known at the time as I would have jacked in any pretensions towards music.
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Post by dem bones on Mar 9, 2009 20:50:51 GMT
Another attempt at rebuilding our sadly decimated Confessions Hall of Shame. No point troubling ph*t*bucket with this tasty little number .... Timothy Lea - Confessions Of A Film Extra (Sphere, 1973) Blurb Is simple, unaffected Timothy Lea too nice for the hard world of film making? Will he be able to cope with smooth blue film producer, Justin Tymely, and outrageous director, Ken Loser?
And those girls: Sandra Virgin, Sadie Masoch, Dawn Lovelost, Samantha Toots and the rest of them. They all seem interested in only one thing. Even with Sidney's help will Timmy be able to cope? There's only one way to find out .....Might actually read this one ....
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Post by Craig Herbertson on Mar 9, 2009 21:34:12 GMT
"No point troubling ph*t*bucket with this tasty little number ...." Dem
To be fair dem I'd have to censor that lewd smile as well. But you're right; a partially revealed buttock cleft would have us all in jail.
The names of the girls are just uninventible - Sadie Masoch - brilliant
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Post by allthingshorror on Aug 16, 2009 14:09:31 GMT
Any of these been put up before Photofuckit took em off? If not here you go... Futura 1977Sundaes, Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays. Saturdays...
Nobody seems to be able to get enough of Mr Whippy!Strategically placed sticker not included with original book...but I do love her cone holdage abilities...
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Post by allthingshorror on Aug 16, 2009 14:16:07 GMT
Sphere (1977)JONNY'S GOT A PROBLEM WITH HIS APPLIANCES...
Picture Jonny on the floor in the company of the lovely Tracey Tyttefiedler (no, you work out the pronunciation!), having trouble with his pipe. The problem is, he can;t get it out and eventually the lady has to resort to a hacksaw to finish it off!
But gentle readers take heart - Jonny hasn't been cut off in his prime. Miss Tyttefiedler is simply helping him on the job - and his new job is a gas!
He's ready to takle anything, from quick connections to a full-scale blow-out, but accidents do happen. SO stand by for a few big bangs...
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Post by allthingshorror on Aug 16, 2009 14:20:39 GMT
And a couple more... Futura (1974)Sphere (1975)
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Post by dem bones on Aug 16, 2009 23:48:46 GMT
If those bally blighters at ph*t*buck*t hadn't vandalised our lovely thread, we'd have had enough for a favourite Confessions cover poll by now. Ice Cream Man would make my top 5 without any trouble, but outright winner is difficult. Currently undecided between Shop Assistant and Driving Instructor. This one's oddly subdued. Timothy Lea - Confessions From The Pop Scene (Futura, 1974, 1975) Blurb Teenyboppers, hungry groupies, payola, crooked DJs, foreign tours, golden discs, TV spectaculars, screaming fans and packed out concert halls ... For Timmy Lea, always on the lookout for a new career with plenty of openings, Noggo Enterprises spelled success, money and a chance to get his name into the bright lights — providing he could survive the partnership with brother‑in-law Sid and his nephew Jason Noggett, the 7-year-old's answer to Mick Jagger, not to speak of Dyke Henna, the transvestite rock star (born Fred Nudger).
Even when business was slow, the manager of Noggo Enterprises found plenty of scope for his talents; in beds, bars and the back seats of sportscars there was always somebody who wanted a little piece of his action.
Would simple, unaffected Timmy survive in the hard world of Pop?
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Post by dem bones on Sept 9, 2009 12:24:36 GMT
It's a shame that Jonathan May mutated from being a reasonable facsimile of Timothy Lea into that weaselly faced bloke. I'm very tempted to post the cover of Confessions From A Strip Club by Mr May but I'm worried that A) It would make Photobucket (or indeed any image hosting site) explode, and B) put anyone seeing it off sex for life. Thanks a bunch, FM. After that last remark, had to check it out for myself. Six months later and still feeling spermicidal. For those who've not seen the Strip Club shocker, it's much worse than this! Jonathan May - Confessions Of A Travel Courier (Sphere, 1975) Blurb: Travel broadens the mind, so Jonny had heard. And even though it wasn't his mind he was thinking of broadening, a job as a travel courier seemed an ideal way to get to grips with people-preferably the female variety. Rupert Colt wasn't the best employer-his six-shooter wasn't exactly straight-but Colt's Travel Agency was as good a place as any. to start a new career. And so Jonny found that not all Russians believe in the Cold War. Some like it hot. And Swiss misses can turn into hits. In Amsterdam he made an exhibition of himself. And Paris in the Spring had plenty of bounce. Jonathan May's latest adventure proves wilder and funnier than ever!
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Post by allthingshorror on Sept 19, 2009 12:47:47 GMT
Picked up from car boot this morning. Sphere (1975)Futura (1976)
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Post by justin on Sept 30, 2009 7:52:57 GMT
Extract from Confessions of an Advertising Executive.
Timothy Lea did not exist other than as a pseudonym used by Christopher Wood, who at the time would have been in his mid-30s, looking to escape the drudgery of being an advertising executive by becoming a full-time writer.
Wood’s preference at the agency was to be a copy-writer but this was considered to be the realm of the common cockney, and the Cambridge (he studied economics and law) educated Wood was expected to be an accounts executive where he managed national brands such as Hoover. Making the daily commute in from Royston to London was a far cry from the dreams his mother had harboured of him practicing law out of a picturesque Georgian cottage in Norfolk!
Although not working full-time as a writer, Wood was using his commute to pen books and two had already been published in hardback by Constable and picked up for reprint by Sphere. Both drew favourable comparison with classic British authors of that period such as Simon Raven, Ian Fleming and Leslie Thomas, marking out Wood as a writer of some potential, particularly in his ability to deliver pathos, that devilishly elusive combination of humour and seriousness.
Debut novel Make it Happen To Me had been originally titled No-one Here But Us Pickens (a play on the famous American blues song Nobody Here But Us Chickens) but was changed to rip off the Martin Amis book I Want it Now- despite it being a totally different type of book. The 1969 hardback edition from Constable ran into legal problems through Wood’s use of a thinly-disguised African political figure and his nymphomaniac mistress as characters. Thinking he would throw the lawyers off the scent by having them married, Wood was undone by the pair getting hitched in reality in the time between writing and publication, resulting in the majority of copies being pulped!
Wood’s second title was the semi-biographical Terrible Hard Says Alice, a line from Buckingham Palace the famous poem by A A Milne creator of Winnie the Pooh. Very much inspired by Leslie Thomas’ Virgin Soldiers, a bawdy account of young conscripts thrown together during the Malayan uprisings of 1948-52 and a huge commercial hit, Terrible Hard! was based on Wood’s own military experiences in Cyprus.
As part of the National Service which was compulsory in Britain at the time, Wood spent two years conscripted as a Second lieutenant for the Royal Artillery. As an officer he was expected to be build character so was put in charge of an “absolute gallery of rogues”. Based in Cyprus, Wood’s responsibility was to keep apart the Cypriots and the neighbouring Turks who wished to invade. Although Wood felt he was far more likely to be killed in a traffic accident on their windy roads than during the troubles, his experiences gave him a spring-board to pen his first novels.
When hardback publishers Constable offered the paperback rights, only one company showed any interest- Sphere and specifically Anthony Cheetham. Make it Happen was re-titled by Sphere as Kiss Off! and furnished with a cover photo of a woman’s face on a peeled banana- this being a suggestion from one of Wood’s oldest friends in advertising. I’ve no idea as to how the text of the book may have changed from the pulped hardback. Later in 1971 Cheetham and Wood met for lunch, specifically to discuss future projects. Wood felt trapped by the expectation of continuing to produce “worthy” books and was looking for a book series that would provide him with enough income to quit the day-job. Wood pitched his idea for a series which combined his experience of the manual jobs he had undertaken as a youth such as mason’s mate and packer with the urban mythology of the randy window-cleaner.
When I caught up with Wood for several telephone conversations a few years back, he recalled how Cheetham’s eyes lit up at the suggestion. Confessions of a Window Cleaner was born! Although I never got around to asking him, I’m sure the success of Stanley Morgan’s Sewing Machine Man featuring likely lad Russ Tobin which had appeared at Mayflower in 1969 hadn’t escaped his attention.
Wood also mentioned that over one particularly liquid lunch with Cheetham they developed an idea which was even more commercial than Confessions and was guaranteed to make them rich. But by the time they woke up the next day the genius idea had been lost in an alcoholic fog!
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